Do you seek approval? From Who? Why do you need it from them?

Well, this may make me sound really pompous and arrogant - but - no - I don't seek approval from anyone. As long as I am content within myself that I am taking the right path, I don't give a **** what anyone else thinks! I am probably very much a typical "only child" - I was bought up in a very secure and loving environment, and I never felt the need to actively seek approval from my parents because I knew I had it anyway whatever I decided to do! They bought me up to think for myself and be my own person, and as long as I was sure in my own mind, then they were happy. Of course I want to be sucessful in my career, but I will not "toady" or "curry favour" with the Bosses - I do my job to the best of my ability, and if that isn't good enough for them, I won't lose sleep over it, because I feel the failure is with them not with me! Have fun in Winnipeg!

The type of approval you are reffering to is unhealthy and shows a lack of confidence in one-self. However... our self confidence is built-in during our childhood and teenage years by our parents and our teachers. And the way this is done... is by our parents and our teachers praising our actions and achievements. It is a form of approval given to us freely without asking for it. But I know that there are some people out there who will not praise you and reward you. I don't know why those people are like that... but I don't like them and I try to stay away from them. I have always been self confident... even as a child... because I use my brain before jumping into anything and I rarely make mistakes. Seeking approval as a child... is a form of seeking permission most of the time. Even as a child I did not do that too often. I went ahead and did it... and then asked for approval... which I usually got. When I do a job... I sort of seek approval at the end of the job. That is my reward. When people come home and tell me that my job looks fantastic... it makes me feel as good as the check they give me. I could not live with myself if people told me that my work stinks. So... if you are good at everything you do... which is education... and you can stand on your own two feet... you are automatically self confident. You will still seek approval... everybody does... but you seek it as a reward to build your confidence to greater heights. Seeking approval as a permission when you are a child is acceptable... but it is not acceptable as an adult. It shows a lack of confidence. A lack of decision making. That makes you a slave. And it cannot make you happy. The secret is to study and learn in order to be good at whatever you want to do. And there is more to life that just learning a job. You also need to learn about all the little things which you will need to do around the house. Otherwise you are going to work in order to pay tradesmen to do all those little jobs for you. You also need to learn to deal with people and stand up for yourself. Seek approval for what you did... not for what you want to do.

I am at the stage in my life where I do not seek approval from anyone. I have earned my own feeling of self worth and do not need it from my fellow man. I do enjoy the odd "pats on the back" from others but that is just superficial not life altering in any way. However I do like to show approval/disapproval to others if I think they deserve it.

I agree, we all need a pat on the back once in a while or we don't feel appreciated. When I was a kid my mother was always free with praise and so were my grandparents. My dad was a little tougher. I had to do something really special for my dad to say something. I think that was a good thing for me because it pushed me to be to my best at everything I tried. In my late 20's - early 30's I was really bad about fishing for compliments, I think mostly because I had low self-esteem. I was so overweight and did not feel good about myself at all so I took whatever I could get. Now that I've gotten older I find I don't need much approval for anything. An occasional nod or "good job" is enough. As long as I feel good about what I'm doing then I'm happy. I also find that I take criticism much better too. If I make do something and I ask for my hubby's opinion on it, he'll give me an honest answer and tell me why he likes it or doesn't like it. I find I want the honest answer, even if it's negative, not just praise. The funny thing now is, being on stage with my band is one of my least impressive talents and that's the one I get the most praise for! I find it kind of ironic sometimes. I understand that it's because it's the most public talent I display. But it's the one that I have a hardest time taking compliments for. It took a lot of restraint to learn not to roll my eyes and just say thank you. It gives me a chuckle though. Don't get me wrong, I love singing with the band, it's a lot of fun for me and I'm proud to be up there but I'm no great singer. The positive reinforcement is welcome though. We all need our ego stroked once in a while. :D

The only times that I have felt truly lacking in self-worth were the times after I'd been injured. These things are always accidental, but I feel that I wasn't careful enough, or that I put myself in jeopardy subconsciously. The good thing that comes from this is that I will work with everything I have to get better... the bad thing is, there are some things that can't be fixed. Coming to grips with my loss is the biggest hurdle. After a year or so, my rational mind takes over again, self-worth returns, and life becomes what it will be. What helps me survive this is that I know it will pass.

in home ,we can rely on our parents ,but ,in the society we only rely on our friends.In my whole life,i hope i can find one realy friend

I have trouble with the term 'seeking' approval. I am pretty much my own person...but I do want my wife's approval, friends, approval, clients approval...although I do not seek it or need it to have what you call an intrinsic worth.