why i'm so pessimistic

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i study itlian in china, but i don't like Italy very much bcz i found it difficult to like any other country as well as the America after my going-to-America dream is dead, and that maybe the reason why i'm so pessimistic in the realistic world-- i'm not doing the thing that attracts me amazingly though i try to like italy and italian a bit more, which is really very disgusting--well, it's not itlay or italian that are disgusting, but my feeling towards my attitude to them makes me feel bad. would there be some italian friends help me to learn more about the country? maybe i just don't know what i actually want to say. i study italian everyday and enlish twice a week maybe. when i'm trying to say some english phases the italian way of thinking disturbs me. writing bolg is not interesting. i'm just practising my english-- an obvious pessimistic character, woww.... non so che farò nel mio futuro perché la vita mi sembra molto noiosa e pesante che forse un giorno non la posso contiuare.