what is it that I want?

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I am in a relationship for 6 yrs. previously mairried for 13yrs as a navy wife. with addiction issues I looked for something different. I found different but not so sure that I am wanting differnt now. Commitment really frecks me out. I made comments earler in my life that when I grow up I am going to be a biker chic with a sexy, long haired biker. Well i got that and the grass isn't as green as it looked from afar. A good guy that trys hard, has controling, ego issues. I just don't know what I want and I am getting more live questions as to what I really want. I have no idea. I haven't grown up yet and maybe I refuse to. I was grown up for many years as a house wife. I need to get on with some new and fun adventures.