I think we can all agree that drinking and driving
By patgalca
@patgalca (18370)
Orangeville, Ontario
September 16, 2007 10:19pm CST
is criminal. Knowing someone who has been hit by a drunk driver is maddening and devestating. What would you do if you knew someone was on the road and been drinking? What if that person was someone you knew? Someone close to you?
Lately my husband's drinking has increased while he is golfing and he drives home. I tear into him but he just gets mad at me. He thinks he is invincible, that it won't happen to him, that he is well-focussed while he is driving. I am scared for his life, and any other life that is on the road he is driving on.
A couple of times I have considered calling the police when I knew he was on his way home in that condition. I didn't have the guts to do it because I figured he would immediately accuse me and hold it against me. He was at a golf tournament yesterday and I had it in my mind to call the police in the area he was in and have them set up a RIDE program outside the golf course telling them that I KNOW people will be drinking and driving out of there. But I forgot to do it. My friend said to me, "Would you really want your husband to lose his license?" I said it was better than someone getting killed. She agreed with me.
I was talking to my brother about it today and the first thing he said to me was that I should call the police.
Please tell me, what would you do? Would you call the police on a loved one who is committing a crime whether it be drinking & driving or something else? I'm so scared that if I do it will come back to bite me in the a$$.
5 people like this
11 responses
@nmhschic2004 (1238)
• United States
17 Sep 07
My dad used to do this all the time. And oh did it make me so mad. He acted like my mom was just being **tchy. He never understood we were trying to help him. He listened though after he wrecked his truck and had to get another one. Thank god he didnt hurt himself or anyone else. Maybe try telling your husband that if he continues to do this you will turn him in. I probably would call the police to safe my husband from hurting himself or someone else. I dont think i would actually care if he lost his license. It would serve him right.
2 people like this
@patgalca (18370)
• Orangeville, Ontario
17 Sep 07
If I warn him that I might call, then if he does get stopped and I didn't call, I will get blamed. Believe me, he will hold it against me. With my illness I don't need this stress so am really trying to do what is right. He has lost his license twice before (many moons ago) but a third incident could have him lose it for life. I don't know. More stress for me doing all the driving.
I want to call the police. But I do have to know that he has actually been drinking when he is driving. I'd hate to have him stopped at a time when he decided not to drink. You may think that could be a wake up call with no consquences, but he thinks he's perfect. :p
I would love to hear from anyone who has actually phoned the police when they knew someone was drinking and driving. It's easy to tell someone to do it, but to do it yourself???
2 people like this
@Fishmomma (11377)
• United States
17 Sep 07
I have called the police. There is no way I could live with myself, if I didn't get help. All I have to do is think of my friend, Laurie, who lost her brother to a drunk driver.
2 people like this
@DJ9020 (1596)
• United States
17 Sep 07
It might come back to bite you, but consider this. Mostly you said you were worried about him getting hurt - but what about the other people he might kill? Lets say he's on his way home and hits a van containing a whole family and kills them all - but he's only got minor injuries. Even though he's not hurt badly, how would you feel knowing that he killed others? The police won't usually set up a road block just because one person calls, but you might call and just alert them of the type of car he drives. I work for a police agency, and can't possibly begin to tell you how many accidents I've gotten calls on where the drunk driver has only minor injuries but the others involved had major injuries or were even killed. You have a responsibility to everyone on the road to report him.
2 people like this
@Stiletto (4579)
•
17 Sep 07
I know it's tough and I imagine he would be furious with you BUT he could kill someone. He could kill a child - how many children are killed by drunk drivers every year? Really I would report him. I know he's your husband but he should know better. He must know what he is doing is wrong and yet he keeps doing it. Think how you would feel if he did have an accident and you hadn't reported him? It sounds weird but really you're doing him a favour.
1 person likes this
@Fishmomma (11377)
• United States
17 Sep 07
I would call the police, as he could cause an accident that hurts somebody else. My best friend's brother was killed because of a drunk driver. Her family was never the same after he was gone and they spent years in therapy.
@RosieS57 (889)
• United States
17 Sep 07
Here in Florida you can call the police on the bar or the country club that doesn't cut off the drunk. This way you're not actually calling on your husband, but on those who continue to serve the drunk with booze well after they should not.
Other ways to handle it are to have the cousin take the car keys and you go pick him up. Or to drop him off and pick him up when he golfs. Or to call your friend and have your friend call the cops -- making it one step away from your actually doing it.
There is no shame in saving lives. I know it's a physical hassle to do the extra driving but it wouldn't be EACH time -- it would only be those times you know he'll get drunk.
@patgalca (18370)
• Orangeville, Ontario
17 Sep 07
Unfortunately, last week's episode occurred as a result of the guys stopping at his cousin's house to swim and drink. When my husband was late I called his cousin who was so drunk he couldn't talk. I can't expect him to take his keys away. All he said was that my husband was a big boy and could make his own decisions. None of these guys are big boys as far as I'm concerned.
The golf tournament he was at this past weekend was held by his company. There was a banquet after the tournament. I think both the club and his company should be held responsible for allowing him to drive home that way.
For now, though, I won't know he is drunk until he gets home. I won't be calling his cousin again. That isn't helping as it just gets my blood boiling. Besides, as the weather turns cool there will be no reason for them to stop there for a swim. I just wish I had some way of KNOWING so that I could call the police.
@cedarliu (8)
• China
17 Sep 07
I know difficulties that you was reluctant to mention when your husband drinking and driving.
but you know you love him,Love his life; and you know drunk will be injured healthy, made in confused.
so in my opinion:
you have three kinds method to choose,
1. you can stop your husband to drink,
2. you can drive when your husband drank,
3. you can call police
drinking and driving is very danger!
@patgalca (18370)
• Orangeville, Ontario
17 Sep 07
My husband did stop drinking for a long time. Really, it is only a golf thing and he had been limiting himself until recently. I can't STOP him from drinking. He has made that very clear to me. Even a doctor in the ER who gave him a lecture on the consequences of his binge drinking couldn't get through to him.
Secondly, I don't golf with my husband so I certainly can't drive for him, and neither can any of the other guys in the group. Sometimes I think they use golfing as an excuse to drink!
Pinpointing time and circumstances can be difficult.
Thanks for responding.
1 person likes this
@maddysmommy (16230)
• United States
17 Sep 07
I don't think I would do that. I don't know. My husband doesn't drink but if it was somebody close to me i.e family, I'm not sure if I could call the cops on them. I might offer to pick them up or arrange a cab to pick them up but not sure on calling the cops. I don't know how the system works here, and would be scared for my family if I did.
@BarBaraPrz (47344)
• St. Catharines, Ontario
17 Sep 07
You don't want your marriage to end because of you reporting his drunk driving. Would you rather it ended because he drove into a semi?
@patgalca (18370)
• Orangeville, Ontario
17 Sep 07
I UNDERSTAND that. I know what should be done, but it feels like I am turning against my husband, who will then turn against me. I am well aware of the dangers of drinking and driving. It reporting my own husband that is my dilemma. I will probably do it if the opportunity arises again, that is, knowing where and when.
@alexsis (2149)
• United States
17 Sep 07
To be honest with you, I don't know if I would call the police on them. But if I know they will be drinking I would hide the keys from them. Last month my brother best friend was killed by a drink driver. He was only 24 years old. He was going on his break from his job and he was at a red light and a guy that was coming from a club, driving drunk, ran the light and slammed into his car on the driver side. He was killed immediately and the drunk driver was not hurt, not even a scratch. He spent the weekend in jail and was out on bond that Monday. Now the guy is driving around and still partying like nothing happen.
I find that the law is messed, but of course money talks and that is wrong. This guy should be in prison for taking away an innocent man life who was trying to make a living for him and his son. Now his son will never know his father and that is sad. So please do whatever you can to stop your husband from drinking and driving because someone will get hurt.
@rouwel23 (1353)
• Philippines
18 Sep 07
of course, drinking and driving is a criminal act. and knowing that you could prevent an accident from happening makes you want to stop the event from occuring.
it is right of you to call the cops. your brother and your friend also have given you the right advice to call the police.
I drive also. I also drink occasionally. However, if I get very drunk I do not go home anymore. I just sleep in the house of the friends where I am drinking.
you should not fear your husband hurting you for telling the police. you are doing your husband a favor to stop an impending accident to occur. Good luck.
@clamarco808 (312)
• United States
18 Sep 07
Call the police. He could hurt or kill himself or someone innocent.
