Would stepkids love their stepmom like their real mother?

being a step parent is hard. i am a step father to two wonderful children. i love them very much, but in a different way than i love my own flesh and blood children. i can't explain the difference, but there is one. so i imagine it is the same for the kids. and for them it is tough to juggle two relationships that are similar in roles. putting yourself in their shoes for a little while might help you understand. if your stepdaughter has any type of relationship with her real mom, you will always be second. accept that, but don't love or treat her any different. yes, it hurts very much when after all i've done for these children, one of them says something grandiose about there dad. (neither of which has been involved their lives much). but i am the grown up and must move on with patience and understanding. after all, i accepted these children unconditionally, as i did their mom. i hope i was of some help. at least knowing you are not alone in your feelings. good luck and God bless.

No. A step parent is not the same thing as flesh and blood. Especially if they still have their own parent. I think you still need to provide for her though. She might not realize how much you mean to her now but she will in the future. I grew to love my step father more than my real, biological father. But then, my real father was not a nice man. Good luck! Hang in there!

This is exactly like my situation. My step children are age 14 years (boy) and 9 years (girl). They live with us 5 days per fortnight. I have been their step mother for 5 years. Without repeating myself, I will give you the links to my previous discussions about what is going on with them, as it is very bad: http://www.mylot.com/w/discussions/1225515.aspx http://www.mylot.com/w/discussions/1231650.aspx http://www.mylot.com/w/discussions/1235663.aspx

She's 18 she needs to grow up. And you need to stop taking this so personally. My 11yr old has a step mom who like you, has always tried to give her everything she asks for. If I say no she runs to Jenn. If her dad says no, she runs to Jenn. Then one day Jenn introduced my daughter as her daughter and my 11 year old had a fit. She told Jenn in not so nice a way that she had a mom who was always going to be her mom no matter how much stuff she bought her. My daughter thought that Jenn was trying to buy her affection. Sounds to me like the 18 yr old realized early on that you wanted her acceptance and has used your generosity to her advantage all these years. Try this...The next time she comes to you and tells you she wants something tell her to ask her mom for it, or better yet, get a job and buy it herself. I think she will get the picture.

I have been where you are and I KNOW how hard it can be. When I came into the picture my step daughter was 16 and step son was 13. Not that any age is a good age but those teenage years can be awful. My step son was always good to me and we have always gotten along, but my step daughter was another story. She would do and say things to hurt me or to piss me off and I did my best to be the grown up and let it roll off my back. But I'm not gonna lie, there were times when I wanted to go off on her. I chose to go against those urges and I'm so glad that I did. Now she is 22 and we have a great relationship. I think she sees how much I love her dad and how much I've come to love her and her brother. Also, I've never tried to be their "mom"..they have a mom and no matter what my feelings for her is she IS their mother and I try very hard to respect that. I wouldn't really say I'm their friend either but more of a confidant and someone they can trust. There are times when the kids introduce me to someone and they will say, "this is my mom" but they do not call me mom and I would never expect them to. When I introduce them I would always say this is my step daughter or son and one time my step daughter told me she would like it if Ijust introduced her as my daughter. That made me feel great but I know that the bond between them and their "real" mom is something that cannot and should not be breached. Hang in their and let her work through all of this. As she grows up she will understand what you have done for her. Resist the urge to cut her out..I think you will regret that in the end.

i am sorry for what happen to you. but it seems that in every mind that step mom would never beat real mother. no matter what you done.

No, I think you should continue as you are. If you continue to be the best you can then you can never fail your stepdaughter. I understand that it is really hard but my advice is just to be patient. I know from my childhood that I went through phases of understanding, respecting and 'liking' my biological parents differently but now I'm an adult I feel the same about them. Did you have step-parents? I often think it is hard for step-parents that didn't have their own step-parents to understand what is going on in the child's mind.