An apology and a story

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First of all, I would like to apologize for not being around very much lately. I really needed a break from here and I found another place that I like to spend time at. I could never completely leave Mylot as I have made many friends here. I will make more of an effort to check in from time to time. I would also like to share with you something that is going on in my life. I wrote this story for another site. I am lazy tonight and I don't feel like typing it all out again so here is my story from that site. Weird Thoughts in a Moment of Panic Did you ever have some event happen in your life and then some weird and crazy thoughts went through your mind? This happened to me last Thursday after I looked at my caller id on my phone. There was a number there listed as Interlakes Oncology. For a moment, time seemed to stand still. I listened to the message and they wanted to talk to me about my appointment. My appointment???? I knew my doctor was sending me to a specialist but the word oncology threw me for a few minutes. Oncology is basically the study of cancer. Cancer was the word I saw in big bold letters in my mind. My mind flashed to me lying in a casket and I wondered who would show up to say goodbye to me. I thought about my two grandsons and I wondered if I would get to see them grow up. I thought about my animals and wondered who would take care of them. I thought about my boyfriend and I wondered how he would survive without me. I thought about my son and I wondered what he would do without me. All these thoughts occurred over just a few minutes. I was really scared. Its amazing what the mind will do in situations like that. My mind then flashed back to my regular doctor's visit and how he just wanted a specialist to tell him I was okay. He is a new doctor for me and he actually acts like he cares. I've been plagued with strange symptoms for almost 20 years. One for almost 30 years. These include SVT(rapid heartbeat), elevated white blood cell, unexplained fevers and an assortment of aches and pains. I've had them so long that I have accepted them as part of my life. I've been told many things by several different doctors and the last word was just that I was normally abnormal. But I was never sent to a specialist. This new doctor wants to do that. And that oncology specialist is also a blood disease specialist. Had I had taken the time to look it up in the phonebook, I would have seen that it said Interlakes Oncology/Hematology. But my mind chose to freak out instead of being rational. I would be lying if I said I wasn't worried about all this but at least now I feel better about it. So last Monday I went to the hospital for an EKG, echocardiogram and some blood tests. October 1st is my appointment with the specialist. I'm sure there will more blood tests that he will want to do. Also in the planning is a stress test,24 heart monitor ,MRI and probably more blood tests. I wonder if they can insert a valve into my vein and just turn it on when they want blood. LOL. Please don't worry about me. Right now I feel fine and I am fairly healthy. I've got a great support system with my family and my friends. Thanks for reading.