I'm Locked in My Own World

I know all about it. I was agoraphobic when I was 20. I didn't leave my apartment for a year - not event to get the mail. I actually was content to stay in because going out was awful. I did seek treatment after a while because I knew I couldn't go on the way I was but it was tough. The way I overcame this very hard to understand BUT VERY REAL problem is to do things in tiny steps. You say you have been in your room. Well, now you need to take a step outside the room. Take two steps. Whatever makes you a little uncomfortable. And feel it. Don't avoid the feeling of wanting to run real fast back to your room. Breathe deeply and stay out for five minutes even if your legs are shaking and you feel weak. Then slowly go back. Next day, do it again. You will see each day, you feel less anxious about it. Once you overcome that, go a little further. Set little goals. When I started, I went just outside my apartment. Then I went to a store down the street and just walked in. I stayed at the front and hated every second of it. Eventually I could go in there and go anywhere but to the back. Next I went to a tiny restaurant with my then fiance (I never did anything alone at this point). I got as far as sitting down the first time. Next time, I was able to sort of have a cup of tea. Next time, I kind of could eat a little. This is something we have to beat. I thought I was safe in my apartment. But I wasn't any safer than in a crowd. I just felt safer. I did get therapy and they were supportive but they expected too much too soon. I had to go at my own pace. In a crowd (which I still hate) remember that no one cares and no one is looking at you. Why would they? I always thought all eyes were on me and people would know I was anxious. Well, the truth is, no one gave two sh*ts what I was doing and how I was feeling. I was in my own world of anxiety. Xanax was given to me eventually and what a world of difference that made. I was able to control the panic attacks and to get out more. I know people say it is addictive and whatever but it saved me! I was able to focus on doing my daily "homework" which was getting out and forcing myself to feel the anxiety and see that it won't kill me. It never did and I am 43 now. These days they prescribe SSRIs (antidepressants) for anxiety because they apparently work on anxiety very well. I know that sounds scary but if it helps you to get back to the real world, isn't it worth trying? Just so you know, I have since flown about 100 times, once to another country. I have been on a 7 day cruise. I have worked in wrestling traveling to huge arenas filled with people (Still wasn't thrilled with that and still am not but I do it). I have been successful in my career choice (writing) and I have gotten married to my then fiance who I lived with in the apartment and had two kids who are now 21 and 17. I have been on the 60th floor of a building and I have ridden the rides at Disney Land. I am not cured. I still am anxious and some places still make me nervous. I went to see a Garth Brooks and there were 50,000 people there. If I hadn't wanted to see him so badly, I would have taken off. Even during the concert, every now and then I felt myself welling up with anxiety. What if I couldn't get out of there? What if I had a panic attack and everyone looked at me? What of I passed out and the EMTs came and the whole crowed was staring at me? What is there is a fire and everyone tries to get out at once. Will I be trampled? Yeah, All that was going through my head as Garth was singing. But I stayed and enjoyed the concert and got out and here I am! That was several years ago when I was more anxious. Now, I am doing really well but still fight with the racing heart at times in places I am uncomfortable. I no longer fear anxiety. I fight it. How DARE it try to ruin my life? I won't let it. The key to fighting this is NOT being afraid of it. Thumb your nose at anxiety. Know you are stronger than it and, every time you have a little victory, celebrate. You're a step closer! Definitely talk to a psychologist or psychiatrist trained in anxiety disorders if you can. They can explain what is happening and why and give you lots of tips and pointers to stop the anxiety from taking over you. Read as much as you can about this disorder but only read facts, not forums where everyone is suffering from the same thing. Those are scary. Good books can really help you understand this and to practice certain things that will calm you and make you ready to tackle this anxiety. Breathe deep and slow. Talk to yourself. Tell yourself you are fine and that your brain is just trained to be scared but there is nothing to be scared of. Distract yourself with a book or newspaper while you are out of your room. Anything to divert your brain from focusing on the anxiety and onto something else works. I wore a rubber band on my wrist. When I got REALLY anxious, I would snap it. That little bit of pain stopped my brain from building up the anxiety and sort of brought me back to reality. It really worked! If you ever want to talk to someone, please write me here. I want to help. I know how hard this is and I know what I went through to get where I am. I want everyone to beat agoraphobia and to be able to live a free, whole life. You CAN too.

I am very much like you but did find the help in the mental health field. The doctor telling you to get a job wasn't so you could pay him it's because it is what you need. I have spent years not leaving my apartment unless I absolutely had to and it was horrible. Now I work 2 days a week 4 hours a day and it's great. I have a feeling you didn't give the mental health clinic time to make it work for you. I don't know what I would do without my therapist and psychiatrist. If you don't work and have these problems you can get financial help. I don't pay for a thing including medications. You need to start really looking into this for your own sake. Good luck!

I have had anxiety and panic attacks for about 13 years, it started when i was 17, you really can't depend on another person to get u through, you just need to take baby step on starting to go out, I know how you feel i have felt it all, trust me. You might want to get into some kind of support group online. There are alot of people with this same condition, if you need to talk about things maybe i can help.

You know - I have heard of this and I feel for you! I have anxiety, but not to the level you have. I also get nervous in crowds and tend to not try to do anything new because of a fear of rejection or that someone is watching to see what I do and judging me. I think having someone close that you can talk to would help. If you are feeling anxious - having a friend to help hype you up about yourself might help. I would definitely search out some of the self help stuff online if you don't want to seek a doctor.

Xanax works for me!! (Alprzolam is the generic name) I just take small doses throughout the day. 0.25 for each pill. This allows me to think and stay awake without side effects. You truly need to see a doctor that will give you some meds. If you are against that, please try taking Vitamin B. It not only helps anxiety, it also helps with a hangover if taken before you go to bed... : ). Do not take the vitamin or anything for that matter on an empty stomach. You will puke!! No question about that!! Hope this helps!

Just an FYI regarding the Vitamin B -- My GP makes me take a Pre-Natal vitamin due to an immune deficiency. I take the 'B' in addition to that. It really helps!!!

My cousin had that problem, and she has had to go to the hospital so many times for her anxiety.

I never heard about this before, but only thing that helps is taking the hard way, going out more and do what you hate, i dont think doctors and sharing problems to others works in the long run.

Hey ShawnBob! I am new to this site and was reading your post. I have been suffering with anxiety and panic attakcs for about 8 years. I have never been confined at home, but have been pretty close. I am currently on Zoloft, which helps alot. I have also been seeing a psychologist to learn to cope. I was wondering how you are doing with your anxiety. I know when you're going through it, it seems like you're the only person on the planet with this problem. Believe me, you're not. There have been times, in the past, that I wanted to drive straight into the concrete wall on the freeway, just to not deal with it anymore. Thankfully, I do not feel that way anymore. I also have the Lucinda Bassett series on anxiety and depression. It has helped me alot. I am still working on overcoming my irrational fears, but am doing much better. Hopefully you are too! It is definitely a battle, but one that can be won. I am confident that one day, I can be rid of my anxiety completely and just live my life. Just know that you are not alone in this!! There are lots of us here with you.