Is it a husbands responsiblity to take his wifes side, or his mothers, or none??
By rachsal4
@rachsal4 (391)
United States
September 21, 2007 10:19am CST
I have been going through some drama with my husbands side of the family. His mother is currently running back and forth between our house and his brothers. Yup, she doesn't quite have anywhere to live. Now this wouldn't finacially be such a big deal if it weren't for the fact that it's not just her, it's his brother, and his nephew too. Now I'm all for helping family, I think that it's a persons responsibility. But she is a mean, mean woman. She is constantly treating me like crap, she tells me what to do, what I do wrong, and she tries to step in and raise my kids when she doesn't think that I'm doing it right. She's like the mom on everybody loves raymond, only she's not suttle, or nice in anyway about it. Just to give you a clue, she hasn't said I love you, or hugged her son in all of the 6 years that me and him have been together.
Sooo, me and him don't fight that often. But about two weeks ago we got in the biggest fight we had been in in our entire relationship! I was very bad. Anyway, I just feel like my husband is being a cop out. He wants me to tell "go off on her" because he doesn't want to deal with it. But I don't feel right, first I know that as mean as she is he adores her. And it would end up some how being my fault, and also I just don't feel like it's my resposibility. It's his mother, not mine. I think that he should stick up for me, even when he doesn't agree with me, she shouldn't be allowed to come in our home and disrespect me, and I shouldn't be the one to have to say it! So am I wrong???
3 people like this
10 responses
@raijin (10345)
• Philippines
22 Sep 07
I guess your mother-in-law is too defensive, she is insecure of you and her son's family. I wouldn't take her seriously if I were you, as your husband shouldn't too. As a man of the house, his very first priority now is his family and his house alone. If your husbands understands his role, then it won't be a problem for you. A person, even a mother or parent, shouldn't be allowed to deal with personal family matters. It is now out of her concern anymore, so I suggest you tell that to your monster-in-law err.. Mother-in-law, sorry about that!;pLoL
@raijin (10345)
• Philippines
22 Sep 07
LoL What package you think best describes her, a "complete package" or the one's with virus like "anthrax" in it!;)
Good thing you have a nice sister-in-law to understand you, atleast not all members of the family is not like the "package." Hehehe!
1 person likes this
@rachsal4 (391)
• United States
22 Sep 07
hehe, ya know me and my sister-in-law have a code word for her....shhhh don't tell, we call her "the package". When she leaves her house she'll call and tell "I just send you a package, with no return to sender". I do the same all the time. Shhhh, don't tell my husband that he still always say "what did you buy off ebay now"!!! LOL...
1 person likes this
@rachsal4 (391)
• United States
22 Sep 07
Yeah I would say like spoiled meat!! LOL, she's not going to kill me, but she'll damn sure have me sick for a few weeks! Ohh, that was soo mean...funny....I luved it!! LMAO!
It's funny to cause my hubby works for UPS, and I'll say I sent it UPS express just for ya!!!
I am lucky to have her, and she's actually my best friend. But I have to say that it's been hard on our friendship too, just cause we usually go running to each other when something happens. Now we are always hesitante for fear that the "package" will answer the phone!
1 person likes this
@littlemissh (235)
•
21 Sep 07
you are so right, noone has the right to disrespect you least of all in your own home. However by the sounds of it your husband is unlikely to do anything to rectify the situation. So it really is down to you,i know you say she is his mother but she is a guest in YOUR house. If i were you i would tell her straight she is welcome to stay but under your terms. Be polite but firm about the matter, tell her you are not willing to allow her presence in your house to disrupt your family life and if she doesn't feelshe is able to co-operate with you then maybe she should think about finding somewhere she would be more happy. Spiteful people like thisonly b***h and undermine bvecause so far you have bitten your toungue and allowed her to, bite back andi'm sure it willbe a big shock to her.
Hope it sorts itself out.let us know the outcome of watever decisions you make.
@rachsal4 (391)
• United States
22 Sep 07
Thank for the hope, I need it. I'm sure I will be on here ranting again about what ever she does next!! It's funny sometimes how I feel like this place is kind of like my safehaven. I can post something on here, and you all will tell me the truth. And I know that it's not coming from a one sided place! Thanks for that!!
@barbiegirl13 (1588)
• United States
21 Sep 07
I agree with you. It does not sound to me like you are the one to blame. When he chose to marry you he chose to be you biggest fan too. He should bring this up with his mother but if he will not you are going to have to. I would just calmly tell her how you feel about the way she has been treating you. If you are not calm about it it may just cause you and your husband another fight.
Good luck
1 person likes this
@rachsal4 (391)
• United States
22 Sep 07
See thats what I'm saying that he doesn't seem to get! I feel like he's my husband, if it were anybody else...lol well he would be ready to fight. But it's not, and my worry is that she's the type of person to cut someone out of her life for good cause they said something she didn't like. And I'm not usually at all the type of person to take crap from anybody, not even my husband. But knowing what I do about her, and knowing that my husband is a momma's boy on all accounts how can I be sure that if I do say something he's not going to resent me for the outcome?? It just sucks...
@twoey68 (13627)
• United States
22 Sep 07
Personally I would expect my Hubby to stand up for me regardless if I was at fault or not. The same way I would stand up for him. To me, thats part of being a couple. I've had a few run-ins with Hubby's mom and other family members and he stood by me.
Also if I had a problem with something his mom did or said, he would generally go and talk to her and straighten it out. I do the same thing with my family and Hubby.
**AT PEACE WITHIN**
~~STAND STRONG IN YOUR BELIEFS~~
@eshaan (6188)
• India
21 Sep 07
No, u are not wrong at all and all this happens in married life, its common in every house i think. But the husband is also not wrong as he gets caught in such a siuation that he can't be on any one's side. The situations still needs to be solved any how.
1 person likes this
@rachsal4 (391)
• United States
22 Sep 07
Thats the thing, when we first got together I used to get so mad. When I would say something to him about his mother, he would get defensive. I took along time to finally "draw a line in the sand" so to speak and learn how to deal with her. Now since she's homeless I guess you would say, that line has been erased. And while I do love her, I don't feel like I should be treated like crap by her, and I get so mad cause I feel like if I say something he'll get mad but he won't say anything to her either.
@superwoman0709 (12)
• United States
21 Sep 07
i know he probably feels stuck between a rock and a hard place he loves both of you but it sounds like he does not want to hurt his mom and dont want to see her not have a place to go
@rogue13xmen13 (14403)
• United States
22 Sep 07
Well, if you love your wife and you want to keep her around, then you better take your wife's side.
@mommy20212004 (350)
• United States
22 Sep 07
No you are definitely not wrong. This being his mother he should be the one to tell her where she can take her bad attitude. But, if he doesn't do it soon, I wouldn't blame you for going off on her yourself. Good luck!
@Omniusual80 (46)
• India
22 Sep 07
Life is a journey and way are not allways better, so everybody should takle situation without temper adn with softy thinking about to come out of puzzles, should ever keep happiness in mind and for that should keep god major time in mind,
husband should take her partners side and also should cooperate to wife to clarify situation in her mind and also to mother about her understanding about the picture in wife's mind, because here husband is nutral man between them and so he can takle the condition
