should i blame my dad for leaving us?

I don't think blaming him would change what you're into right now, I guess the best thing to do here is to find him. Just think about it, you are living maybe your dream right now and that you wonder where could he be right now or what he is doing. Watching people reunited with their loved ones, even for half a century is still a heart-warming scene. I suggest you do it too, for you'll never know what feeling you'd have towrds him after seeing one another!;)

no... i dont think you have to blame him. though it is really painful for you for you feel not complete because you dont know your dad, or didint have the chance to meet him. there are a lot of reason why he left. and those reasons are still unknown for you havent got a chance to talk with him.

In a way, yes. I mean, he's your father and what did he do? He wasn't man enough to face and take care of his responsibilities of both you and your mom. If I were in your shoes, I can also think that my father is too blame for all your hardships and sufferings. Not just your father. If I were in your situation, I would also be considering of blaming my mom. I mean, your father have left you already, and what did she do? She left and you and did the same thing as what your father did. I'm pretty emotional about this stuff even though I haven't experienced what you have gone through with your parents. Your mother should have taken all the responsibility of being a mom and at the same time being a dad for you. Too bad she didn't. But you have to be thankful for those people who raised you up since birth to being an adult. All your questions regarding your parents are answerable if you ask them. But if that's a difficult thing to do, then just correct all the mistakes that they did and be a better mother and parent to your own kids. Definitely you don't want your kids to suffer the way you did. Also, you just have to prove to yourself and prove to your parents that you've grown up to be that person you are now without their guidance. Be a better person than them.. I hope you will be okay. Best of luck.

There must have been a very big reason he left. And you can't blame him. We only have one life to live and he had to do what he had to do. You have your own family so hold on tight and don't let it happen to your kids. Sometimes you have to let go of what bugs you and just get on with your future. He is and always will be your dad. Love him anyway.

Try to focus in your new life. Now that you are a parent, show love and concern for your kids, the care that your parents did not give you. Past is past, the good thing about it is that it is over. Be positive in your life. Forgive your parents, remove resentments in your heart. Keep yourself busy with home chores, enjoy your kids. Lastly, pray that you will be healed from your wounds. Good luck to you and God bless!

Yepp, you should blame him, a real man dont leave his kids or wife, just like a good woman dont leave hers.

Oh jhoen...(((hugs))). I am so sorry for what has happened to you in the past. But you know what, look at it on the bright side, you have your own little family now. You have a wonderful and loving husband and an adorable child. What more could you ask for now. I think what has happened to you in the past should stay there... in the past. Don't bring it back to the present. Don't try to ask whose fault it is. It's just the way life is. Some things happen for a reason. Some things are far beyond outer appearance we do not know. Whatever the reason why that has happened, try to think that has helped you to be the person that you are now. A strong, beautiful person, inside and out. I think what you should focus on now is forgiveness and not on blaming anyone. It will not do you any good, it will just try to make you feel worse. So, girl, count your blessings now and feel happy and thankful that you have actually turned your life around!! You are great.

i was watching oprah yesterday and they were talking about how divorce afftects a child for their whole life. kids internalize everything and think that the divorce is their fault (i am writing a book on the subject) also in yo ur case, we always wonder what could of been or should have been, its in our make up...its just the way we were made.

Things always happens for a reason. First of all, you are still curious and finding the answer why your Dad leave you and your mother. Did you try to ask your mother about it?. If you asked although and if i was in your position,even if he is my Dad, i will not bother to think about him. I had faced my life without it and i will continue to face it without him. He did not came back for you, why bother to think about him. I guess your not that important to him, so i guess you should treat this thing not important also. I understand you are in the situation that you are still longing for a father, and it is really tragic, i hope someone will take care of you and love you so that it will full your dads shortcomings. Try to focus your mind of improving your life although it is not complete and you are still looking for something. Try to think positive,and let your subject of priorities is your life because you have to face your situation. Time will come and all your sorrow will drift away,and your question will be answer. Maybe God has plan to make it a fruitful one. We never know.

I know you want to blame your dad for leaving when you were a baby but I think you should not place blame on him until hopefully one day you can see him and get some of your questions answered by him. If you have children of your own now please don't let them suffer from your feeling insecure. Thank goodness you had such wonderful grandparents to take care of you, it sounds to me like you grew up to be a fine person.

HellojHoEn16, I am truly sorry to hear your sad story. Lets bygone be bygone. There is no point for you to blame your father anymore. He had long gone. Even if he still alives, it doesn't ensure you that life will be good for both of you. I understand the feelings and the hardships that you have to endure. Maybe you just need forgive him for what had happened and the difficult relationship that you had with your mother before. I hope life will be easier and happier for you in the future. Take care!

I grew up with a similar situation and I did blame my father for years for not being there for me. I think to this day that I do still blame him and I haven't been able to forgive him but I hope one day to be able to do so. I think it's important not to hold on to those feelings because they can make us bitter and miss out on so many things and emotions in life now. Being that angry and someone forever ties that person to you and allows them to continue to hurt you through their past action. Which in turn leaves a shadow of anger and hurt in your heart and if your heart is angry how can it offer love to anyone else? I've faced that problem myself recently with other issues and people that I had to forgive so that I could let go of the burden I felt in my heart. I wish you luck in being able to free yourself from all of that.

Hello jHoEn...many of us have some sad memories from our childhood. I am sorry for Your sad experiences and how you have suffered much. What happened to us while still young damages us and sometimes stays with us till we die. It is what You do with those difficult and painful times that makes a huge difference. If we harbour resentment even when it is deserved and continue to feed that pain, we never move forward with our lives. Our children, our partner suffers along with us and sad yet true, we also project those fears, pain and resentment towards them. It is good to talk about your thoughts and feelings. Perhaps get some loving support from a group or therapy or thru Church to help You deal with the shattered roots of Your childhood. Your own mother dealt with it by closing her heart and warmth to You for she was hurting herself and perhaps still carries with her the pain till this day. It is about forgiveness and empathy towards those who wronged us. I know of this for I myself have had very traumatic years in my life. In order to heal and grow to be our authentic selves, we must look deep inside of us. Love the child we were and accept that it is of no fault of yourself that pain visited your life. It was circumstances that perhaps made your father leave. It is about empathy for those who have wronged us. What were they going through? Can we forgive them? Was their own life conflicted with many things going on? I am not saying making excuses for them but putting ourselves as it were in their own shoes. I bet it was also traumatic for Your father. I hope You can find peace someday, Sweetie. My best to YOU!!!

There is always a reason for everything that is happening to us. If you think what your dad is wrong and caused yo u and your family so much trouble, better talk to him regarding it. Just show him the effects of his wrong decisions. But don't blame him for he,too has a reason that might not be valid to you, but to him, it really matters. Always give others a benefit of the doubt. Upon talking to him and telling straight to his face how he affected you, try to patch up and clear things between you and him. Don't harbor anger or blame him all that happened. Just release your emotions. And learn to accept the reality.

its over and done with and I dont think pointing fingers to your mother or or ftaher wont do anything to help you feel happy. What matters is that you were able to survive life without the parents that should have given you the care and attention. be thankful enough that you were blessed with loving grandparents who were there to support you during those lowest points in your life. I dont blame you for asking or for feeling insecure coz thats very normal, its a basic need and we really look for the people where we came from. I just pray that soon you will find your father. our prayers for your; Hazel

That is so sad and such a hard thing for you to have to bear. I am really glad that you have your own family now and hope tht you now have happiness with them. It is really bad your dad left and you may never know why he did but what I do know is that to find peace within yourself you have to forgive him. Even though you can't tell him to his face you will find if you can forgive him in your heart for leaving then you will find it easier to feel happier for the rest of your life. It is never easy to forgive when someone has hurt us but once we have forgiven them for that hurt then we can move on with our lives without carrying lots of regrets within us. Sometimes it helps also to ask not 'why me' but 'why not me' as bad things happen and it was not your fault so it was nothing you did or deserved. I hope you can put these things behind you and find happiness with your family and in your present and future life. Don't miss happiness today by dwelling always on the sadness of yesterday.

Hi!Well,in LIFE, many things are learnt the HARD WAY.You are one of its victims.But,do not let this bother you.Life has to move on & accept it as it comes.No point in blaming anyone for anything.If at all you happen to meet your father sometime in the near future, you can have a straight forward talk & have your questions answered.Now, with a FAMILY, you have many things in hand, make the most of it,give your children all what you longed for in life & enjoy the thrill.The satisfaction in giving is much more than when you get.Love your mother & make her overcome the pain if she really understands you.Life is short, make it as sweet as possible. GOD BLESS!! www.creatingcolourfulfuture.com

In fact,your parents hurt you.Your father's leave made you and your mother's life change.If I were you,maybe I will blame him.However,24 years has passed.I think you should take focue on your own life.Do your best to make your family happy.Don't repeat your father's mistake.I know you can't put aside your father's left.So accept it.Accept the fact.No matter how hurt your father make,just accpet it.Maybe you will find another feeling.

You should forgive him.But i know it's hard.Without him,you will not born.

Since you already have your new life, just concentrate on it, do not think back the unhappiness things which you made you feel sad only. U do not know the real reason that he left your and your mum, how can you blame him? Maybe is your mum mistake or some reason that he want to left the family. Maybe one day you can meet him, then you can ask him the reason he do so. If he just lft you without any reason, i think you also do not want this kind of father. but just forgive him if he has the reason that can;t disclosed out. Now, try to open your hearth and leave those things, do not think much on it.