Should we compare ourselves with others?

i believe that everyone is unique. so instead of trying to imitate others or to follow someone else's footsteps, one should always try to find oneself and be what you want to be. remember that bakardi song - "be what you wanna be, taking things the way they come" i strongly believe in that.

I don't like parents comparing kids to other kids like saying "I wish you were more like your brother!" That hurts and takes away their individuality. However, in my life, I do compare myself to certain people. I see the progress they have made, the struggles they have fought, and the determination they have and I want to be more like them. I hold some people in very high regard who can deal with tough stuff and come out of it with a good attitude. I think it is a good thing to have people who you look up to and want to be similar to but I don't think anyone should lose who they are just to be like someone else. I do tell my kids they can achieve anything and that are as good as anyone else and that the difference maker is how hard they try. When/if they fail, I remind them that they haven't failed forever, just for that time and that in life we can take the test over and over until we pass. Stuff like that. But I never ever comp are them to people and say "Why aren't you more like him?" That would hurt and would be such a negative thing to say.

well, we shouldn't be compared to anyone else co'z we all know that we are unique creation of our Lord.

it is right for some people who have strong-mind, and they can make a big progress when they compare with others. and it is a good way for them to improve themselves. but it is bad for those people who have no enough confidence. if they compare with others, then they feel themselves are worse than themselves. so it is bad for them to make a progess. for them, i think it is necessary to give them some encouragement. and we can tell them to compare with past themselves, not others. then they can find confidence back. in my country, most of parents compare their children with others' children. and they often judge students only by their marks.

Hello mari123, I don't agree with other people comparing me or other people to others. I don't think we should compare ourselves with other people. For me it is not right and might led to one's disadvantage. We need to be aware that we should never compare ourselves to others. Because no other person has our unique qualities. No one else has ever gone through the exact same circumstances or has had the precise physical characteristics or thoughts we have. We are each unique in our own special way. When we compare ourselves to others we give away a small part of our uniqueness, taking away from our own gifts and talents. We honor others for what they have achieved and for their talents and characteristics and should expect them to honor us in return. It is when we are envious of others and what they possess that we do the greatest damage to ourselves. If we only knew what their thoughts were and what they had gone through to achieve their success it is unlikely we would want anything to do with it. Wise persons of the ages have stated that if all people in the whole world were to dump their problems in one pile and we were to go through that pile, we would be extremely happy to settle for our own problems. We just don't know what the other person feels until we have been in his shoes. What does he think and why does he think that way? What circumstances has he been through? What obstacles has he had to overcome to achieve whatever it is that he has achieved? When we can truthfully answer those questions we can know how the other persons feels and what has been required of him. The one thing we can know is our own thoughts and feelings, the circumstances we have allowed to bring us to our current position in life, and the choices we have made to bring us to where we are. I think this allows us to honor others without comparing ourselves to them. And we should rightfully expect others to extend the same consideration to us. Not to compare us with other people. :-)

I think it's o.k. to encourage people to have someone they look up to, but to compare themselves to someone else, no, because they would go all their lives feeling as if they dont compare, or add up to anyone or anything. (my opinion) It's a good thing to say you can win you can do it, but not you need to be like your father, every child to have the chance to explore what they can do and what they do best, every adult also. When we wer all created, we all were created the same way, no one is better than anyone else,(my opnionalso) we were just all made to do different things, some of us preachers, some of us lawyers..but in order for us to get there we need the encouragement to get there! I don't think I am any better than the bum that lives on the street corner..he has a heart, a soul a mind, just lost his way and don't know how to get back! anyhow don't want to offend anyone this is just my opinion.

This is a good question. I don't think you can help it. Its human nature to be competitive, at least in my opinion. A little competition is good. It keeps you healthy and motivated but sometimes its hard to keep from getting obsessive about it.

I think that comparing oneself with others may be constructive but only within certain very strict limits. Motivational statements that involve a comparison are not always as positive as they may seem. Your first example assumes the father to be or have been a good example, perhaps, but exhorting someone to be 'like' someone else does not necessarily encourage their own individuality and potential. The second statement is not positive enough, either. It implies 'You are only relatively better than the others' and gives no encouragement at all to excel. In fact it really contains a hidden negative: sowing the seeds of a negative attitude about others actually encourages a negative attitude about oneself. Better versions of both of these statements, perhaps, would be: "Your father had some fine qualities which I see in you, too." and "You can win. The others are all very good but you have the commitment/insight/application to excel." For some time I have been interested in the Emotional Freedom Technique developed by Gary Craig. This combines tapping on several acupuncture points while repeating a phrase which combines (1) an acknowledgement of a perceived weakness (negative) and (2) a statement which affirms self-acceptance (positive). The procedure is to stimulate one point in particular whilst repeating the whole phrase (negative + positive parts) three or four times, really concentrating on the positive acceptance, then to tap each point on the body in turn (between 7 and 9 points in the shortened technique) repeating a short version of the negative phrase. The theory is that we are held back by certain emotional blocks (or reversals) in our energy flow. The points chosen are those which are supposed to be the end points of the main energy meridians in the body and that stimulating these with a reminder of the emotion causing the block removes this block, allowing the energy to flow freely. That is a very brief description. There is much more detail on the website, together with a free download; many, many articles and testimonials from practitioners all over the world who use the technique to supplement more conventional therapy and lists of accredited practitioners. Here is a link to the Getting Started Package (free download of the Basic Manual with a full description and instructions on how to master the technique in 30 minutes or so): http://www.emofree.com/a/?3252/1 There are also some excellent DVDs and CDs, if one wishes to explore the subject in more depth, which one can buy at very reasonable prices (with a generous licence to make and give away a number of copies): http://www.emofree.com/a/?3252/2

In my openion there is nothing wrong when people compare.Most of the people compare other people, also themselves with others. But it all depends on who is tlling who. A mother can compare a studious child with her easy going child in an constructive manner. but a wife cannot compare her husband with his hard working collegue. Perhaps he wants to enjoy things other than money. Regarding our examples, the father may be a doctor where as the son would like to choose some other proffesion. So that is wrong. as for the other examples they are just motivating. There is nothing wrong.we all need some motivations to bring the best in ourselves.

I think that it is ok to compare ourselves with others who are much better than us so that we can make greater progress. With those who are far better than us as our aim, we can easily find our aim and will try our best to reach the aim, which is very encouraging.

well i dont think its fare comparin anyone with anyone else,,be it u urself or two difff ppl the only reason y 2 ppl are diff is cuz god intended them to be diff,,,and its cuz they r diff they r unique in their own way thanx

Hi Mari,...each of us offers something unique to those around us. To strive for excellence is admirable but comparing ourselves to others is futile. Learning from others is humbling and insightful which I try to do. Whether it is a bad or good example I try to come away with something useful from the experience. Our gifts vary and when others share their gifts with us, be it a beautiful voice, playing of an instrument or writing or sports helps enhance our lives. It gives us joy that can be translated to having a wonderful memory. How often we hear that their baby was conceived while listening to someone sing. Living in a neighbourhood where an amazing Artist can display his talents for all to enjoy. Great topic...thank YOU.

Comparison statements made by others depresses people. But there it might be effective to some people. However, I think that self-comparisons like "He is so smart, maybe I should study harder to be like him" sort of motivates people to strive harder.