family fighting

Wow! Honestly your husband was completely in the WRONG! Coming from a family that was held together by hate and stubborness I know what family fighting can do to a kid. It hurts deep and bad. It has long lasting bad effects.... I hve remembered everything my parents have said to me in anger or frustration. I can understand maybe your husband was mad or whatever but his son, your son is never going to forget those words. He may hide it but he will always hear those words over and over again. Talk to your husband. Don't argue or fight with him but some night or moment when you are by yourselves, maybe when the kids are at school or as you lie in bed can you not approach the subject and tell you husband that you udnerstand he was upset but that telling his son he hated him and calling him names is so completely horrible. Your husband should apologize now. The longer he waits the more it's going to hurt your son. He may develop a huge chip on his shoulder which will grow and manifest itself in future with more words and then your son very may well end up hitting his father when he gets older or completely dettaching himself from you two as his parents....

I think your husband was wrong. Maybe you should talk to your husband about the language. I think that's what made your son very angry. Children that age understand that parents have a different view point from theirs (even though they argue and answer back) but the adult still has to talk to them as they would to another adult...even when they argue. They deserve the respect as an individual. I know some husbands don't acknowledge the fact when their wives tell them so (I'm not sure your husband falls into that category...I hope not). A 12 year old child is confused himself and when he gets worked up doesn't know how to control himself. So, the adult should be in control and wait till the child calms down to talk about the issue again. Try making your husband understand that.He did the right thing by asking the child to go to his room when he was being negativ...but he lost his control soon after. When an adult is unable to control his words, how do you expect a child to do that?

Your family is in a very rough situation. Your husband was very wrong, but your son was wrong too. It sounds like your son pushed him to his limit. I know that's still no excuse for the name calling. I wish I had some good advice for you. Tension and stubbornness has never an easy problem for me to sort out. I wish you the best of luck trying to find a resolution.

This is going to continue to go on until your son turns 18 and he leaves home, or if he leaves before then. I hate to say this but you need to stand up and tell your husband that this needs to stop or your not going to put up with it anymore. If my husband ever and mean ever said some crap like that to my kids, me and my kids would be gone in a heartbeat. My mom always said a husband can be replaced, but your kids can't. For a dad to call his son that is disgusting, disgraceful, and not a father in my book. You need to sit his butt down and tell him straight, if you don't knock this crap off. I'm out and then you don't have to deal with your son anymore. He's only 12, still a young boy in my book. Your son, shouldn't have been back talking and being negative, but he shouldn't be called foul names especially that one that's so disgusting, that's up there with son of a b*t*h in my opinion.

Ooohhh...sounds like my house. My 11 year old son has gone through so much, even before he was born. His father left us when I was 4 months pregnant and since then, I've been looking for the "perfect" father for him. I tried two times and it doesn't seem to be working out. My current husband was undergoing some anger issues and would constantly be on the boy's back, telling him this and that and how he wasn't doing things right. He also went as far as to tell him things that one must never ever say to a child. One day, they were having it out and my son took all he could handle. I walked into the room just as he screamed and ran into his room. Hubby said to him that he did that just to stir the pot between him and I. The boy said those words, "That's why I hate you!" Your husband was right to tell your boy to leave the room as he was being grouchy...but to tell him about a mother f----. It's one of those things that father and son need to work out. It's a dominance thing as well as grouchy teenagers. Hopeuflly, it will blow over. Maybe your son is bored and needs something worth while to do. I'm not talking about house hold chores, but perhaps helping someone around the neighbourhood. Kids get testy when they are bored and boredom leads to parents pulling out their hairs. I have a 12.5 year old daughter and even though she's my best friend, we have our moments to where I just wanna...

Well, I think that your husband needs to control himself, and try to fix the bad behavior of you child with other methods. And your child must learn to respect to the older people.

Sounds like there is a lot of tension going on between those two, must be hard for you to see them acting like that towords each other. It might be a good idea for your family to get into some counceling so that everyone can get their thoughts and feelings out into the open without interuptions and you'll be able to recieve useful advice. I'm sure just having everyone being able to speak their mind would help the situation...

Your husbands language is unforgiveable,to say that to his own son and in your presences,i'm lost for words

wow. thats realy hard. i once have a fight with my mom and never again, i never seen one of my brother and sister fighting with my dad. we have a big respect to him.i hope you dont mind if i tell you this. i think that to handle a kids is realy up to thier parents.if they grow up have a big respect to thier parents mybe it wont happened.age like that are very aggresive. i its realy up to your hunsband.if i were him i should start worried and find out why my son acting like this. fighting with his son is not a solution. he should show him understanding and talk to him like a friend, i think that they dont have strong bonding together.communication is the best way. he should start communicating him.your son at his age need a lot of attention.i remember that we fight my mom to much and my dad always listen to us and give us adviced.so we have a big love and respect to him and everytime he said NO.we follow becouse we dont want to dissapoint him.. i think its strat with love if your husband show that to your son. slowly but surely he will gain the love and respect back. good luck honey.

This is a very sad situation and i would expect it to get worse without intervention! It sounds like your husband has a serious anger management problem. He should never speak to your son in this manner. Why is he so threatening, hostile and abusive? Unfortunately your son will learn these same behaviors if something is not done now. Is this a first? Has something happened to your husband that is eating at hime causing him to attack your son like thet? Have a serious talk with him and let him know that that type of abusive behavior will never be tolerated. he needs to apologize to your son right away too... and mean it. If this is your husbands normal disposition tell him to get help now or he is OUT! You can only spend so much time trying to help an abusive , negative and hostile person, especially if a child is involved. Get right to it and fix it, or save your son and yourself. Good luck!