If u can't have kids w/ your partner, would u consider adopting?
By claire03
@claire03 (1443)
United States
September 25, 2007 1:13pm CST
Hey friends, have you thought about this? I just got married last year and we don't have kids yet. Me and my husband discussed about this not just long ago cause he asked me a few times, that what if we can't have kids. i don't want to think we can't have kids cause i really want to have one of my own, i told him that i could try and wait till 5years and if we can't really have one then that's the time i will consider adopting a healthy baby but if he's too old already for kids maybe we won't just have also. that's only an option. Well, it's something everyone should think of too since it can happen just to anyone. What will you do if it happens to you? would you consider adopting a baby or not?
10 people like this
37 responses
@redyellowblackdog (10629)
• United States
25 Sep 07
My wife and I actually did have to make this decision over 30 years ago when we discovered we absolutely could not have our own children.
We decided not to adopt. We based our decision on 2 things.
1) We knew several couples older than us who had adopted that were not at all happy with how things turned out. It seems that if the child is not genetically related, the chances of behavioral incompatibilities is dramatically increased. As I'm sure you know, it is difficult enough to get along with one's genetic parents. Take away that and it often times is even more difficult. Not that adoption can't work out. It often does. Many times it does not.
2) There just is no logical or rational reason to raise children, anyway. True, you can get a warm fuzzy feeling, but other than that, why do it?
2 people like this
@gradyslady (4054)
• United States
25 Sep 07
Yes, even if I can have my own kids, I still may adopt. Kids are abandoned all the time and they deserve a chance.
1 person likes this
@flowerchilde (12529)
• United States
25 Sep 07
Definitely! I'd want to form a family, so at least two children... to raise at least one from a baby would be nice, but not necessary, as there's lots of older children who need families..
1 person likes this
@cutepenguin (6431)
• Canada
25 Sep 07
We would adopt. We would probably adopt a child, as opposed to a baby.
1 person likes this
@cwilson26 (2735)
• United States
25 Sep 07
My husband and I have been trying to have a baby for 8 years now. I have Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome which causes cysts to grow on my ovaries and causes infertility. I am on meds for it but they haven't helped me get pregnant yet. Of course I could go back to taking the Clomid but it is too expensive and since I can't afford it right now then it makes since that I can't afford a baby right now. I want us to be better financially before we go back to trying because I want our baby to have the things that we couldn't have as we were kids. My husband wants one before he turns 40, which he has 2 years left but if it doesn't happen then it must not be meant to be. We have considered adoption but like I said we can't afford a baby right now. We are barely able to take care of ourselves let alone a child. My husband has an 18 year old but he wants at least one with me. I am still young at the age of 27 and have a few years to go before I consider myself too old to have kids but like I said, he wants one before he turns 40. So if we can't have our own baby then we probably won't have any kids at all because I don't think we could ever afford to adopt. :)
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@GloomCookieLex (6073)
• United States
27 Sep 07
I have PCOS, too. I was diagnosed about a year ago. My "doctor" told me it wasn't serious at all and that there was no need to treat it. Ha freakin' ha. I only found out about all the side effects about a month ago when I found a soul cysters link.
But, I don't ever want kids, so all I can do is hope that it causes infertility for me and not just these heinous cramps.
1 person likes this
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@GloomCookieLex (6073)
• United States
27 Sep 07
I refuse to carry children myself and I never want to put up with a baby. But my husband and I are concidering becoming a foster home for displaced teenagers to live until they time-out of the system when we're older and more financially stable.
@suspenseful (40193)
• Canada
1 Oct 07
I could not have any children after I married, so we adopted. I always wanted children. Because we were too old, I was twenty-nine when I married, my husband a few years younger, we were not allowed to adopt a healthy new born. We adopted twins, but when I considered that we could have gotten them at birth (the social worker made a mistake and gave the mother, a young girl the wrong form to sign), we would have been happier and I would not worry that my granddaughter's fussiness was due to me being insecure rather than she was a naturally fussy baby.
I suggest that you see your doctor right away, and find out if there is a reason why you cannot conceive or your husband cannot give you a baby. It might be something small than can be taken care of and it is better that it be fixed rather than find out five years later, you cannot adopt tiny babies because your husband is too old.
@cefaz_21 (2596)
• Philippines
27 Sep 07
My husband and I often talk about this issue, because I have PCOS that is making me hard to concieve,and I think the answer is yes,given the chance and the opportunity to adopt.why not? We aren't really afraid of the child not turning up so good when he grows up because we belive it's in how parents rear thier child,biological parents or not. The way we are brought up is part of who we are today.
And I belive if we can be a good parents to an adopted child,then chances are he'll be good to.
The big problem lies on who and where will we place the adoption..some say better to adopt from relatives and some say not..oh well, we'll cross the bridge when we get there..
But really, this is an option for us.
@sacmom (14192)
• United States
1 Oct 07
My husband and I have had this conversation before we had kids. Had we not been able to have kids of our own we would have considered adoption.
It took me about 4 1/2 years to get pregnant with my first son. I conceived him (and his brother) naturally.
@lyndee22 (1210)
• Philippines
27 Sep 07
Just like you, I've been married for almost five years but no child yet. We've been considering adopting a child but we want it to come from a relative, from my sisters or from his brothers. But that's just an option. We still wait for Gods gift for us.
@drannhh (15219)
• United States
1 Oct 07
What ever happened to the days when couples resolved what they were going to do about kids before they got married? Waiting five years is a wonderful idea, and if you haven't decided by then, please wait another five years. Parents can pop kids out, but you can't put them back in the bottle, lol. All the women I ever met who adopted because they thought they couldn't have their own kids ended up getting pregnant shortly after the adoption. Although society tries to push this on young couples, nowhere is it written in the sky you have to have a baby at all, especially not right away. If you love kids and have lots of money to support them, sure, go ahead and adopt a dozen, but otherwise there is no harm in waiting. But do it for yourself, not to satisfy your parents or because of what other people might think.
Yes, when I was a child I was determined to adopt as it seemed be a better choice than having my own. Slowly over time, though, I realized that what I really wanted was not to have my own children. As a teacher, I took care of everyone else's children all day long and the real mothers got them when they were sleeping. They look so cute when they are sleeping, don't they!
@CatsandDogs (13963)
• United States
30 Sep 07
I can't have kids and have considered adopting but because of my health problems, I can't adopt either. Maybe one day it'll be something that I'll look into but for now it's a no. I would love to adopt a sibiling set of kids so they won't have to be separated because after all they're sibilings and shouldn't be apart from one another. My parents had 68 foster children over the years of different races and ages which was really nice to have them in our home. They had raised two boys who didn't want their last names changed and then they adopted a young girl with a lot of health problems so experiencing that, I'd adopt in a heartbeat if I could.
@gorgeousdreamer (1034)
• Philippines
26 Sep 07
I will also do the same. If we cannot have a baby of our own, then we'd better adopt one. There are many children who needed foster parenst and it's the best solution when couples can't have a baby although it's not that easy to accept the fact that you cannot have a baby or your own. We all know that a family is not complete without a child because a child is the one who completes a family. A child is also the one who makes the family happy.
@sherrir101 (3670)
• Malinta, Ohio
27 Sep 07
If I was 10 years younger, I would condsider it. We have three beautiful grown children between us. And one grandchild. I would want to be younger to adopt a baby. Maybe... so we would have more energy to raise him or her.
@BlueAngelRS (2899)
• Canada
26 Sep 07
I've been lucky to have my own kids but yes I would consider adoption of I could have children of my own...Adoption can be a wonderful thing I was adopted when I was a baby and I love my family just the same...There are parts of me that want to find my birth family but not really to have them be my parents or realitives maybe friends just to know my background history because when I was pregnant with my children I was asked my history and I had to leave it blank because I don't know.
@cupid74 (11388)
• Pakistan
27 Sep 07
Hi , How are u,
i am married since three yrs and i have kid of 2 yrs with the grace of All Mighty Allah
As far as problem of no kids are concern and deciding of adoption, sure u can have it if u r ready to take all responsibilty of the kids.
In Islam, if their is problem in wife and she cant give birth to baby, then Man can marry a second wife for that purpose.
Take care
@cupid74 (11388)
• Pakistan
27 Sep 07
Hi , How are u,
i am married since three yrs and i have kid of 2 yrs with the grace of All Mighty Allah
As far as problem of no kids are concern and deciding of adoption, sure u can have it if u r ready to take all responsibilty of the kids.
In Islam, if their is problem in wife and she cant give birth to baby, then Man can marry a second wife for that purpose.
Take care
@ssf12ster (488)
• India
27 Sep 07
i advvise dmy frend to take treatment.his wife was given injections and artificial insemination was done. she gave birth to a very beautiful girl. later after 2 years another boy was born.he hanked me to the roof for that!
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