How Do You Deal With Lies?

That would ruin the friendship for me. Apart from that, I would wonder why they lied. What did they have to hide ....or gain from lying? I would try to figure it out so I could give them what they needed or reassure them of our unconditional friendship but if There was no co-operation, the friendship would be neglected and fade and die.

Well I think I know who we are on about here as you told me not so long back I think personally you have to confront them whether it is that Person or not you need to talk to them and tell them that you have caught them out lying a few times I know that is what I would do and I hope you will because you will put it kindly someone else might not Love you and big Hugs xxxxx

I hate lies I always have pal , I would say it SHOULD be faced up , but in saying that I know that me , myself couldn't do it , I know however that my friendship would never be the same , I also know that I would never be able to confide in that friend again , That is what a real friend is , Someone you can confide in and know it will go no further , But I hate to hurt anyone ,Sorry I havn't really been much help xx

I had a very serious situation that involved with my mother...She did have a lot of emotional issues, and was a chronic lier, so much so that it was like she was re-writing her history and after awhile believed the crap she was telling people as if it had been reality. I didn't find out about a lot of the lies she was telling until a woman I knew who lived around the block moved to CA. When she had lived here we were kind of friendly but not very, then when she moved we both started opening up to each other more--but then she told me all the crap my mother was dishing out to people. One was that, she was creating a woe-is-me, victim persona to people, that she had had such a tragically hard life...I had to laugh at this at this since the real truth my mother grew up a prima Donna pampered princess and had maids and housekeepers while she was growing up--and we're talking about the depression/war years when most people didn't have a pot to pee in! What twisted my mom's mind, was that when things got really ruff financially for her she just couldn't deal with it...so, the woe begone poor me, my life is so hard speech. Then she was forever telling horrible lies about me---Granted I've been dealing with panic disorder, and at one time it was so bad I was completely housebound, but that hasn't been me in a long time, as I'm slowly conquering my problem. But I used to wonder, when I would bump into people we knew they'd say, "Oh, I'm so glad to see you OUT here." I was getting a complex, like what is the big deal? Well, my friend from California told me my mother was telling folks I'm agoraphobic and I NEVER leave the house...yes, that was me years ago, but not at the present time. Then she made me out like I was a blithering idiot who had never done anything in life except stay at home and stare at the four walls. When I was trying for grants last year, I needed people for references...so I took my portfolio of photos I had taken over the years, and the black and white gallery exhibition type prints I had done...The one person,Vi, was astounded at my work...she had no idea I had accomplished anthing like that nor have a THREE page resume of my photos credits The WORSE though, was the real hum-dinger of a lie...Now my mother in the last few years of her life was losing a lot of weight--part of it could be attributed to the fact, that it turned out she had cancer...but there was another reason....She was actually telling people, that "Oh, my daughter never feeds me, she's letting me starve." The truth??? She was doing a bulimic thing...she'd eat her food, then race to the kitchen and stick her finger in her throat to purge her food--THAT was why she was losing so much weight...she just wasn't eating, or at least keeping it down When I told that to a friend of mine, she said, it's a wonder she didn't say this to the WRONG person otherwise maybe I would have been investigated into for abuse toward my mother. Now of course Darkwing, I confronted my mother..big time....but talking to her was like talking to a zombie...she just wasn't functional or all there to begin with. She continued her lies up to her passing--the GOOD news is, is that when the people who knew my mother then got to know me better, they too, saw what a lier she was and never believed a word she I too abhor lies...and as you said the truth always comes out eventually..it did in my case when people got to know me better and I told them the real story about things sorry, I'm venting here a bit...but this really struck a nerve with me, as it was my own mother who was such a friggin' lier in life!

It would depend on how serious the situation is. Are they lying about something to hurt someone? Or to avoid hurting someone's feelings? Or did they do something terrible & they're covering up for it? I would probably keep quiet too -- unless it was utterly important that they know that I know the truth. Does that make sense?

Its a hard situation. I hate it when people lie, and dont see why some people seem to constantly do it. As you say, they end up getting found out and they look the idiot. I think it depends on the situation for what to do. Sometimes i have known that people lie, but i dont worry about saying anything. I dont really know why, but i just in a way feel sorry for them that theythink they had to lie. But i have been on the receiving end of some lies, and i havent kept my mouth shut. I dont even talk to a couple now, and never want to. Noone believes what they say, and they dont have friends. Unfortunately, they seem to think they are above others, but they arent. Anyhow, i hope that you are keeping well, and take care Your friend, Kay xx

I have a family member who cannot tell a story straight, even if it is something plain and simple as "I went to the store and bought groceries." Many years ago I talked with her once, about it, and she said she just can't stand to tell stuff that is boring, when it can be improved upon. I used to get incredibly outraged. My younger sister always just said, "If she is not hurting anyone, why hurt her by confronting her." I do not think that is the right approach, but this is a close family member and I cannot live my life in conflict, either. I mostly just avoid being around her, sometimes in public, I outright contradict her. When she first moved to the state I was helping her by taking her to some clinic appointments. She was complaining about her situation, as it was not of her choice, necessarily, but she was going to be homeless. She was telling people she was "kidnapped and brought to Kansas". I told her upfront, in front of the same people "No, you were losing your home and we gave you a place to live." I do not know the best way to deal with liars, as I am painfully direct.

well I hate lies and I dont think I could have stoofd it for a year at all I would have had to say something to them about it if they are true friends they really wont mind you calling them on it

I think it would be better if you'd back away from them, leave them and stop communicating. I wouldn't waste my time dealing with them after finding out about their filthy lying. It's better if we move on, forget them and think of more productive things which is better to work at. Always put in mind that, their loss is not your's. Nothing to lose, but everything to gain.

A couple of years ago I found out that a friend had been lying to me and to a lot of other people too. She was a very insecure person, with little self confidence and self esteem and her lies are mainly to bolster her own feelings of inadequacy. While I can't condone her lies, I felt that I could understand them in the circumstances and never said anything about it. I guess I simply accepted her lies, she is a good friend, and friends are important to me. I accept all my friends, warts and all, and try to ignore the faults.

Hi Darkwing People can lie for many reasons I suppose, but I don't like them. If I were in the situation I would call the person on it and then go from there. Sometimes lies don't always have to end a friendship, but it can create mis-trust. It takes me a while to trust someone, and when they break that trust it takes them a WHILE to get it back if they do get it back at all. If the friendship is strong enough then it has a chance of surviving, but if it isn't then I guess it wasn't meant to be. I guess that is part of the saying that "You find out who your real friends are".

i hate lies and liars ,i can identify probable liars from their body language and their ways ,i try to avoid them completely ,incase i hv to bond with them ,i may confront with them in a subtle way so that they should not try tricks on me.

If it were me I would be angry beyond belief. However, rather than telling all my friends about it straight away, I would rather go and confront them quietly and let them know i've found out about their lies and see what they say about it. If they admitted straight out that they lied and were sorry about it, I would try and find out why they lied, like did they have something personal going on that made them do it, that kind of thing. Then I would try to help them rehabilitate themselves and rebuild my trust in them, although that would be a long time coming. If they refused to admit to any deceit, then I would quietly tell all my other friends that they have lied and to watch this person quietly so that eventually, they will be caught out by more than just me and will have to face losing all their friends. I dont see the point in lying, you only get caught out anyways.

being truthful takes much toll of what kind of relationship a person has with someone, be it a friend, a special friend,a family, a colleague or even his/her own relatives.trusting a person in this context is difficult, for as you said, you found out that this person has been lying all along.so it also awakens us what if all the things that person said or did were all but lies,then who he/she really is, is another scary reality to be unraveled. but if you just found out a lie, meaning not all were lies, then there is a reason that you need to ask the person to solicit the answer why he/she is doing so.confrontation isn't gonna be easy but the foundation of friendship is to be tested.i had this experience before, i found out that the person is lying, when i found out it was all because i didn't have the attitude who hears and really listens. i was more likely to open my mouth without getting into what my friend was trying to convey to me.the only way to deal with this is to properly assess things and be straightforward but make sure you do this in a non-convicting manner or you'll get bark at.

Actually it happened to me about 2 mobnths back. I was shattered. It was such a big lie which I never dreamt of. He once was so called best friend of mine. He even proposed me once. Thank GOD I declined. recently he behaved so badly are we are no more in touch. I understand all were lies. It hurts me and i waNT TO forget him completely.

I find it hard to deal with lies if it's from my husband. That hurts the most. It also depends on what they say too, sometimes I brush it off and don't think too much into it, and other times I hurts me to the core. But I move on as best I can and deal with it as best I can. It may not end up where I want it to be, but if I don't get over it then it eats away at me. I have told a few lies in my lifetime and have not been proud of it - my husband is still with me so I know even though it hurt him at the time, he has forgiven me and we have moved on together. I hope you are able to my friend.

Do come by vent your steam - i know exactly what you are going through. I have been there too. All slightly different situations but still dealing with the same foes. I count myself lucky that I was able to eventually just walk away. I feel for you, caught up in this situation. It's like dealing with very naughty children who aren't going to change. Try and raise yourself above their silly lies and games and see them as wayward children. Maybe, when their lies don't matter to you, you will be able to resist being drawn into the game and being hurt. Once you are cool and not drawn in, then you are no fun for the person to play with. They will go looking for easier and more fun victims to taunt.

see the best way to deal is by telling the truth to them again and again.also people will move away from you if u tell les contiously.so in the long run they trust u and then they find u r lying they try to avoid u.also they tell other about it.that makes u very sickest of all.i used to tell them depending on the situation. but when i told the turth some dint like it.speak nothing but the truth

I have to make sure that someone is lying to me first, then I call them out on it.

It really hurts if someone you've trusted for so long are lying to you always. I will confront that person and we will have a heart to heart talk. I will ask her directly what I did wrong to deserve all her lies. If she explains it to me clearly- with no shade of lies at all, then i am willing to continue my friendship or any relationship with her. But if she lies again, then I will just let her go. I read it in an article that if someone is not a good influence to you, leave her, because there are still alot out there who will influence you for good.