To Enable or Not...

I guess I could be defined as an enabler because I just walk away and let the person do whatever they want.If they want to ruin their life, it is okay with me just as long as I don't have to watch. but if they wanted some help, I would do all I can to help keep them straight.

Enabling is a very subtle and damaging thing to do in life period. You need to direct the person who is requesting help to the right place to get it. If you give them a helping hand, that is great. Just do not allow yourself to solve their problems for them for they will just give you more. sunnywaters

I guess like you said we all are at some times or another. All parents can relate to sometimes making excuses for cranky overerly sleepy children. Sometimes as for substance abuse, drinking etc. Its soemtimes just easier to just keep quiet, who wants to fight and argue. Sometimes you have to pick and choose your battles and sometimes you have to wait until the right time to do battle. It is a good discussion to make you think.

Well, even though I don't condone bad behavior or things that I consider to be morally wrong, and I have the strength of will to stand for what I believe in... I must say that after long and calculating deliberation I did find one thing that I must conclude that I am an enabler on. You are too, in fact it is your fault because you got it started. That crazy feline of yours is completely spoiled and has certain habits that results in her getting her own way, usually in the tuna department. What I should do is let her know in no uncertain terms that nipping people in order to get her tuna faster is unacceptable behavior, however, every time I try to make the point, you go right i behind me and get it for her yourself. I guess I'm not the enabler after all... that's all you... how about that? ....:)

I guess i am an enabler however i do not make excuses for bad behavior,but unless a person is 2 or 3 years old,a kid, you really cannot make them do anything...My son is always in trouble and i do not make excuses for him,but i will not turn my back on him either so if that is what an enabler is i guess im one...I have been accused of being one...You know what the old saying is" you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink....

I would have to agree that almost all of us, humans are enabler's to someon at some time in our lives...this is where the term "tough love" was born....when the time to stop enabling family and friends by extending them excuses for their personal behavior and problems instead of trying to help by intervention...which is where the television show was born.... I think that this is a good topic and will make quite a few people think about things...if even for a moment....

If your child isIS actually misbehaving because he's overtired and cranky then he should have been given an opportunity to rest before it got to this stage. Kids are really good at getting out of what they don't want to do and I'm afraid parents who have a casual relaxed attitude towards their kids' behaviour and let them get away with things are ultimately making a rod for their own back. If you teach a child consistency and co-operation then he will grow up with those qualities. If you let him get away with stuff and give him what he wants he will grow with those expectations (what a pain in the neck he will be). That's certainly a kind of enableing behaviour. I think it's more to do with adult behaviour when a person's behaviour is overlooked by their significant other because it's the path of least resistance. Like saying, "if you want to drink all day, get a job and don't expect to bludge off me", but nothing changes. I'm sure someone else will have explained it much better.

I do not know anyone who is an enabler. We are all very strict and make sure the offender is punished. We are very very mean people. My parents were the cruelest persons on this planet in that they punished me and my brother when we behaved. My husband also suffered the same fate, having these very strict parents who never let him get away with anything -- at least that is the impression I got, although being a guy, he had it easier. So we were strict with our sons when we raised them. So no enabling for us. Mind you, my husband did let our sons get smashed when they became adults, but I certainly did not like that, and I did refrained from saying, "I told you so," when they got sick, although it was hard for me to do so.

enabling can be a simple as telling someone that its ok to keep doing what they are doing even tho its hurting them. i've been an enabler many times. my charactor has always been to take care of people and that in itself enables people to not care for themselves and keep on there destructive paths and until i was able to let go nothing in my life or theirs was going to change

I feel someone is an enabler is they do make excuses for someone elses bad behavior. I do not think a mother of a little child who is tired who says "he is tired" is an enabler because it might be true the child is acting out because the child is tired. Now when her darling brat grows up and robs a bank and then mom says "he is so misunderstood" she is an enabler or she is just got her head in the sand I do not know which.

I was at one time with my youngest child.Until I had a breakdown and had to have treatment and things I was doing was showed to me.If I did not change things I could be locked up and him too.So,I quit put- ting up with it in my home.

Did you recently watch House? Because this was the entire theme in this weeks episode of House. You relate a lot of topics, I notice, to children. Adults are simply grown up children and adults face the same problems with enabling whether it is with a child or an adult. So I don't know what I would do in the case of a child as I don't have a child... but enabling is not a good thing and one should never enable another.... be it a child, an adult or an animal.

I know that I have been in the past, and the results have always been negative. Consequences have to be dealt with eventually. I have been taking steps in my life to have honesty and responsiblity be the guiding force in my dealings with others, and encouraging others to treat me with the same respect. Pity is no excuse for enabling anyone... helping them stand up is my goal.

yes i do sometimes but it is dangerous.maybe jokingly u can do it but not all the time.see u need to do all sorts of actions with kids.otherwise they will never come near you.yes u enable and then u disable from there. thats it.

Good question and I have heard people say that aboutthier kids being cranky and naugfhty casue they are tired Heck I think I have even said it about grand daughter so I guess we are all enableers some times in out lives

Enabling has been a huge buzzword around here the past few year. Everyone was always enabling everyone else all the time. I got really sick of hearing it all the time - and of people doing it all the time and knowing it. I have tried very hard to make my kids take responsibility for their actions - although being a parent, we do sometimes tend to overlook stuff. I think it just depends on how often you overlook things and what you allow your kids to get away with. I also know that you don't want to sweat the small battles, just the big ones.

I think that we are all, or at least have been enablers to some extent at some point in our lives whether we want to admit it or not. I don't make excuses for my kids, and I have gone so far as marching my son back into the store with a stolen pack of gum several years ago, but yes, I am still an enabler. I can't honestly say that there has never been a time when I didn't let someone get away with a behavior that should have been corrected. I do the best that I can, but that is all I can do.

WHOA! The term enabler is not necessarily limited to helping people maintain negative behavioral patterns! It is also the word used to describe a supportive person who helps others reach their maximum potential. In that sense I work very hard to be the best enabler I can possibly be. It can have a negative connotation, too, of course, but I think that co-dependents are the ones to watch out for when it comes to enabling wrong actions. Making excuses for bad behavior is certain the wrong thing to do, though, so I think I am seeing your point. I don't believe that everyone is a negative enabler, although if we don't understand the process and guard against it, we all certainly do have the potential to become negative enablers. Yes, I've met a few of the kind of people you mean here, and the best way I know how to deal with them is to be quite direct: "Are you trying to encourage Joe to do something WRONG here?" "By making excuses for Sally, are you saying it was OK that she hit Joan?" It may annoy the wrongdoer's enabler, but somebody needs to make them fish or cut bait.

i have to admit that i am not a enabler ,i cannot make child to listen to me and more behavior ,coz i don't think others can understand me .