Would you want to be put in a nursing home?

For me, I wouldn't want to be a burden on my children, but, at the same time, I feel like, I raised them and took care of them when they were unable and would love for them to do the same for me. But, another thing is, I have worked in nursing homes, and a lot of the residents get treated very badly. I don't want to be put in a home, but if it has to be done someday, it has to be done. Although, a home health aide, or home health nurse to help my family care for me would be a much better idea to me.

Well, the choice will be decided by your mother-in-law. If she is not able to give a decision, her immediate family should decide what will be the best. A nursing home is not really a "bad" place to be in, as long as you know the reasons why someone is being sent to that place. If no one can give her proper care at home or hiring a private nurse will be impractical, a special facility will be the best place for her since she would be given adequate care. I don't think it's abandonment, you can still visit her if you want to.:) If I'd be better off in a special facility, I'd choose to stay there, but I would prefer staying close to my family given the condition I won't be such a burden for them.:) Right now I think it will be best of you discuss this concern with your family. Weigh the pros and cons of the situation.:)

From someone else who also knows, a nursing home was going to be our families choice for our mother, unfortunatly she went to the hospital and never walked out again. We couldn't give her the care 24/7 that she would need to survive. I might choose a nursing home so as not to be a big burden for my family, but i would be worried about the abuse! I would ask my family to check now and then just to make sure the nurses weren't bruised to badly! lol! Take care Brenda.

I had a great aunt who had a stroke and was partially paralyzed. She stayed home and the family took care of her. She was very nice to everybody, and my mom took care of her once a week. She was never a "bother", although it was quite a bit of work. If it were my mother-in-law, I have a feeling it would be more difficult. We are not in a position for one of us to stay home full time right now, and she would be a bit harder to deal with. Also, my uncle has a medical background; if anything happened, he would have been able to handle it. If it were my mother, it would be easier: I'd have my siblings and my aunts and uncles to help. The work would get spread around as well as the cost. My mom also has good insurance; I'm not sure what my inlaws have. There are assisted living facilities quite near my place. They are a bit pricey, but they seem pleasant. I often see the residents walking/wheeling around the neighbourhood with an attendant. So I would probably choose this option.

If it's medically necessary I wouldn't mind being placed in a nursing home. But if I am otherwise stable then I'd rather much be in my own home with my own family.

well my friend if my family wasnt capable of doing the job then i would love to be in a place where i know i would get the best of care and they know how to handle me and my health concerns,but it can be very expensive so if my family didnt have the money then i would be my trust into them but prefer the nursing home.have a great day hope all is well.hugs.pattie

I think that if my family didn't have the capability to care for me I would want to be in a place where there were people that could. I think it would be better all around if your mother in law was in a care home of some sort. At least then, if something major happened, there would be the right people there that could assess the situation and provide the right medical attention. I'm sure it's really hard for your husband to see his mom in the state she's in, but he really needs to think about whether he is "equipped" enough, emotionally and physically, to take care of her needs. To be honest, I don't think family members are ever ready to take care of other family members unless they are already in the medical profession. Your MIL would be better off in the care facility, at least for the time being. Good luck with it hon. Big hugs to you.

If you've never taken good advice before Please do this once. Let your mother in law go to a nursing home. My husbands brother is 76 has cebral palsy and is not able to live on his own. He can walk and do his own personal care as long as I keep at him. It's not easy being a caregiver please take my word for this one. After being in charge here I know for a fact if I ever have a stroke or another heart attack and can't care for myself, there's no way in this world I will go live with my daughter. I love her too much to do that to her. Take care my friend.

First of all, what is your mother-in law's attitude about going to a Nursing home..if it's fine by her by all means and your husband shouldn't have a say in the matter... Take it from my own experience, I sure wish my mom had gone to a nursing home or rehab. When my mother was diagnosed with cancer back in 2005, it was suggested she'd go to a rehab/nursing home build up her nutrition and get all her radiation/chemo therapy...she refused..she didn't even want a visiting nurse..don't ask the arguments that ensued...she didn't sign any kind of proxy (not until the last few months of her life..then it was too little too late) so because she hadn't signed one I had no say in the matter as they viewed her as competent--what a laugh...sure she was..NOT I was stressed out all the time taking care of her and she was truth be told she was a real obnoxious bi**h adding to a real anxiety problem for me. Since your husband, as you say, wouldn't have the patience to do a 24/7 nursing care for his own mother, what does he expect you to do it??...you'll go out of your mind, believe me...You have to convince him that for her to go to the home is the best deal here--Take it from someone who has been there...Get her into the home!!

Yes I would enjoy living in a nursing Home. When my parents were 90 they were tired of living alone. MY mom went to the nursing home first, and then my dad checked himself in because he was lonesome. They had wonderful care, and many of their friends and aquaintances were there also. I went to visit them several times a week and I saw a lot of things. It was quite common to see people who Hated the thought of a Nursing Home. They were put in there against their wishes, cried continually and were very upset at first. However in every instance, after they were there a couple of weeks,and got to know people, they changed around and wouldn't ever want to live anywhere else. Generally speaking The Family cannot approach the Professional Care given at a Nursing Home.

i think if family cannot handle the responsibility of taking care of her then you are right mah..its difficult for your husband because it is his mother but he should also consider that she might not get the proper attention if she cannot be taken care properly and she might not recover that fast and well..he must have been thinking it was odd for him to do that..but if its the only choice left then she should be in the nursing home..well, does he wanna take care of her while you guys work? if he can then maybe he can keep her at home since you said he don't work anymore..but if he think he cannot do the responsibility and wants to keep her discuss the consequences and what might happen if he insist..try to talk it over mah..i didn't know what happened since elijah didn't mention about it..try to discuss things over and then decide..take care mah..i don't wanna hear you got sick also..love you mah..

Hi brendakaya, My suggestion would be to get home care if that is possible. I would not recommend, trying to manage on your own. I would not like to live in a nursing home, because I'm not sure that I would get proper care there. Sometimes these decisions are very difficult as I wouldn't want to be a burden to my family either. I hope that I will make the best decision should the need arise. Blessings.

This is a hard decsion, & a sad one. But, yes, you have to do what's best for her. It might help if I tell you about my grandfather (now long deceased)... He had a major stroke & then had small strokes often. Many small strokes are not even noticed as a stroke. These strokes caused blood clots in his brain, which affected his mobility, his speech, etc. He had to give up driving, handing his licence in. Then his family made the decision to place him in a home. My grandmother was still quite active at this time so it was very hard on her. It was hard for her to look after him (she'd have to help him out of chairs, make sure he had his meals, clean up his mess, sometimes he soiled himself so she'd have that to deal with, etc). He was put into a home close by so she could visit often & he would come home on weekends until his condition deteriorated to the stage that he could not come home. It was sad, but he had professionals to care for him. The home he was in was lovely, with such nice nurses. Apart from the day to day care for the patients, they arrange games & activities to keep them occupied. I can understand your husbands reluctance - it's a big thing to do. Just remind him that she will get the best care in a home which is what she needs. It doesn't mean the famliy does not love her or want her around - it just means she needs extra care.

maybe it is better to send your law mother to nursing home which has good care, excellent facility and other conditions. it is a sensible choice for you! good luck.

I work for a home health agency and many of our clients are unable to live on their own without the services we provide. These people would most likely be in a nursing home or assisted living facility. Some receive homemaker services which include: personal care, house cleaning, doing laundry, shopping, meal prep, banking, etc. Personally, I would prefer to stay at home as long as I possibly could. With the help of agencies that specialize in home health care, it is possible.

Oh geez! I would really prefer to be home if I could help it. But you have to have the money for people to come to you. And thats very expensive. I know my cousin is a parapallgic. He dove into a swimming pool 10 years ago and broke his neck. Yes and he was only 28 years old. So now he lives right next door to his mom my aunt. And he has to have people come in all the time. And sometimes they dont show up so he is stuck in bed all day. So that is something to consider and think about. I think you should put her somewhere where she can get professional help. And I am sorry about this. I know this is alot on you. Please keep us updated. And you take care of yourself.

Lets face itr my dear. She is going to come home and move into the house and you will be the family that's expected to take care of her. If anything goes wrong, it will be your fault. You will be expected by both her and your hubby to do whatever she wants and she won't do what she is supposed to do. She's brought this episode on herself by doing the wrong thing. Don't have anything to do with it if you can. Just tell them to leave you out of it ...totally.

If it was b/c of an accident or a health problem I probably still wouldn't like it but I'd at least go there for therapy until I could go home. If it was b/c I am to the age where I can't take care of myself anymore I'd hate going. **AT PEACE WITHIN** ~~STAND STRONG IN YOUR BELIEFS~~

Brenda, I really feel for you. It's a difficult decision, one that I had to make recently. My dad was also a careless driver. Back in February, he was in a bad accident and was taken to the hospital unconscious. He's almost 80 and normally in great health. He rollerskates, ice skates, goes hiking and biking. It was then that I discovered he had been diagnosed with early Alzheimer's this past December. He had been showing signs of memory loss, but nothing alarming. After his release from the hospital, he had to retake his driver's test and take a driver safety class. He passed. Six weeks ago he was biking in a park and had another accident. This time he had a frontal lobe brain injury. He was in a coma for a week. He was sent to a brain injury rehab, but since he's not able to be home by himself, we had him sent to a skilled care facility. Currently my sister and I are cleaning out his house and making it Alzheimer-proof. She'll be moving into the house, but since she works, she won't be able to be with him 24/7. I live an hour away, so I'm unable to take care of him exccept on weekends. We're setting up some type of home care for when he goes home. Though physically he's doing well, he's not in his right mind. He has no short term memory and thinks it's 1977. It sounds like your mother-in-law needs professional nursing care. It depends on who has Power of Attorney over your mother-in-law's affairs. It's their decision. I hope they know what's best for your mother-in-law and they get her the care she needs. I hope you will not be burdened with her care. I'll be thinking of you and hoping for the best. Let me know how it goes.

If I could not care for myself and there was no one in the family who could.I would perfer to go to a nursing home.It's hard to trust the nursing homes too,but I would not want to burden my family.It's a shame,care for people is not as good as it should be,but I think some off the problem is they do not pay much.