make a call beforehand or don't come!!! how many times you wished to say that?
By kaplya
@kaplya (1578)
India
September 30, 2007 6:47am CST
yes i guess i sound too rude but that's what i am wishing to tell all those guests who come to our house without even calling us beforehand! especially this is a habit of our relatives. i don't mind it in case of some near relatives, like my paternal/maternal uncles or aunts but in cases when they are, for example, my mom's stepsister's cousin's wife & son or my father's uncle's son's in laws!! we have never been so close to them that they sould be considered in family and especially they come only when they need some help with personal matters like a promotion in job etc. otherwise they never contact us!! i know these are the kind of relatives who are never going to help us in need or even if they do it would be a very small one. anyway that's a different tell and i shouldn't drfit away from subject. i just wanted to say that even if they come aren't they supposed to call us before visiting us? isn't it a simple social ethic one is supposed to follow?? i know for myself even if i am visiting a near relative i always make sure that i inform him/her before going to their place. and i suppose that's what most of you people also do, don't you? what do you do if some unwanted guest/relative just visits you without even calling you? i don't know about other countries but in india people think it's their right to visit their relatives without informing them,saying that one doesn't need to inform their own family members..and so i guess i am showing very un-Indian-ness by starting this discussion but i really can't see the point that why am i supposed to treat my distant relatives nicely? just because they share a bit of my blood? what's your opinon about this all?
4 people like this
9 responses
@ElusiveButterfly (45940)
• United States
5 Oct 07
My husband and I have different ideas when it comes to receiving company. He has always said to "just drop in", but when they do it, that is a different story.
I love company. It doesn't matter when they drop by. You accomodate the occasion. If it is at dinner time, I invite them to dine with us. There is always something in the freezer that can be quickly thawed in the microwave and cooked in a flash.
@summergorgeous (674)
• Philippines
1 Oct 07
usually, i get a call from those who want to drop by in my house. they do it because im rarely at home, so they call me so they could make sure that im at home. they wouldnt want to waste time and effort if they arrive at my doorstep only to find out that im away.....
1 person likes this
@moonshadow68 (723)
• United States
1 Oct 07
This makes me crazy, especially when they are acquaintance type friends at best. I have even been so rude as to stand there at the screen door and talk to people through it when they do this. I know it's rude, but they were rude first.
And, I don;t mean that as an excuse, as much as I just think sometimes you have to be allowed to treat people the way they have treated you.
For example, I had a girl I barely know, show up at my door unannounced while I was making dinner. I had never invited her to my home and showing up on my doorstep at dinner time was not only rude, it was not something I wanted to encourage. So, she asked if she could come in and I turned her away at the door.
I feel bad about it, but at the same time, I thought she got what she deserved.
1 person likes this
@krishnageethika (119)
• India
30 Sep 07
Of course you are being frank. Many a times I too have felt irritation with such guest who drop in at odd moments without any prior notice. For eg., consider this situation. At the end of a busy day at the work place you arrive home tired. You plan to lie down for half an hour after having a hot cup of tea. Just as you lie down, guests arriving! How would you feel? Or, guests arriving when you are busily getting ready to go to the office in the morning? Or when you have planned to go out for an outing or a movie with the family members and the guests arriving just when you are getting out and locking the front door? These are all occasions when we don't like our guests. Often the relatives are just like this!
1 person likes this
@brendakaya (2332)
• United States
1 Oct 07
That happens to me alot. It's really aggravating, when you're busy. I don't like stopping for company. I only have a small amount of time, when I'm not working, and I have certain things that I need to get done on the weekend, before dark. I get really mad.
1 person likes this
@sid556 (30960)
• United States
1 Oct 07
I'm kind of mixed on this one because I do have some friends and family that just pop in when they are "in the neighborhood" occassionally and I am always thrilled to see them. If I am busy, I just tell them and it is no big deal. I do know just what you mean tho. I have had other people that have just popped in that well, to be honest, I wished they had called mainly so I could make an excuse as I have to be in the right mood to be with them. If it happens only occassionally, I just grin and bear it but if someone is coming around frequently and I am not comfortable with it , I do find a polite way of letting them know that it is not ok. As far as "blood" goes, most of my family is just awesome but there are a couple of members that are not. I personally don't feel a need to give them "special" treatment simply because we share the same blood.
1 person likes this
@touchnshine (2821)
• India
10 Feb 08
Dear kaplya
I feel like the same though I am an Indian but life is not the same like earlier times. Narrating an incident which happened with my married sister :
Our uncle visited her without even intimating her and she was wearing a mini skirt and her husband was suffering from fever -- so when the bell rangs -- her husband opened the door and he was not able to say much and he simply went to his room and the uncle also followed him to the room where my sister was sitting in mini skirt and looking at my uncle she covered her up with a sheet and then our uncle felt very annoyed .. he was annoyed actually because he was supposing that he will be treated well with cold drinks and all but how can my sister come out as because it won't look good to come out in the mini skirt. Within 5 minutes he went and he told our mom that I don't like the way Rakhi (my sister) treated him but if he had informed before his arrival this situation won't have happened .. I will call it as his mistake only. All people in their home wear the clothes they like, do whatever they wish to do and so if anybody else come and enters like this we become uncomfortable and yes I hate my relatives if they do like this .. and frankly speaking my relatives are like this only .. they are like -- When we think it won't rain -- it starts raining. A person should have some good manners before entering anyone's house. Though we are relatives doesn't mean -- that they can come anytime before notice.
1 person likes this
@I_LUV_U (2519)
• India
4 Jan 08
I'm luckier than you in this aspect, though I do not have an ideal set of relatives.
Though my relatives have extremely annoyed me with their untimely presence and non-sensical talks, they are being sensitive enough to make a call beforehand so far.
In fact, this is one area where I'm thankful to them.
Knowing their irritating habit of barging into my room to ransack for my secrets and private stuffs, I have always gotten sufficient time beforehand to settle mine to safety regions in my home.
In a way, we both are travelling on the same ship, being shown disrespect for our privacies in different ways, but your case is more drastic.
If they are so much unwanted for you, just pay very less or negligible heed to them, nothing insults them as much as when they go unnoticed or under noticed. Though this might sound like an ill-treatment of guests, it is the only effective way that we can teach and they learn.
1 person likes this
@Kunal11 (28)
• India
30 Sep 07
yeah quite true and i dont think it is being rude it is the right thing on their behalf to call n then visit it not only prepares us but also gives us time to make some arrangements if we are suppose to morever just coming without calling is also like invading privacy and suppose if somebody has to go out and then there are visitors and guests then it is irritating and not only you are not able to go out but also unable to treat and welcome your guests properly
