Does It Bother You When A Close Friend DOESN'T Tell You Something's Wrong?

I don't know that I've had something that drastic, but I do have friend who I don't keep in touch with much that usually has a different boyfriend when I do catch up with her - even though the last one was "IT" for her...

No I have never run into anything like that. Its hard to say whether Id be mad or not. I think the only reason would be she didnt want to worry you. I really hope she is going to okay. Why does life have to be so hard sometimes? LOL

Sometimes people have a hard time talking about stuff like that, and she may have been worried that her friends would have looked at her differently if she talked about the problems she was having. Or she could have not been ready to talk about it. In any case I can understand why you are angry and hurt over it. Usually it don't bother me when one of my friends don't come out and tell me when something is bothering them. Usually I just give them their space, and let them talk about things when they are ready to. Just like they do with me, cause they know once something gets to bothering me to much, I'll eventually spill the beans. I'm sorry to hear about your friend. I hope things start to look up for her again and she will be in my thoughts and prayers.

How lucky you are to have such a wonderful friend. I think you'll find she kept it to herself in an effort not to worry you because she knows your circumstances don't allow you to help. I'm sure you would help her if you could...right? Of course you would. I also thnk that's what is fuelling your anger and hurt because here is an opportunity for you to reciprocate her goodwill and you are snookered. You poor love. Because you're my friend and I need your ggod love and sympathy, I'm miserable with a cold right now and am also out of work. I feel like crap I think becauseI can't remeber when I last had a cold. Boo hoo and woe is me.

Since your friend was so forthcoming with help in your circumstances, I would venture to say that she has a "helper" personality, and so would refrain from sharing her problems with you so as not to burden you further. But you're right that she should have told you, and I can understand why you feel hurt. Perhaps you're not in a position to give financial aid, but you can at least give your moral support through her tough times. Don't let this sour your friendship. We all deal with our "issues" in our own way, and that seems to be hers: to keep it to herself.

Maybe your friend didn't want you become warried about her,so she doesn't tell you something's wrong.I think she loves you very much,she does want to take any trouble to you.Donot mad,now you know the real thing,you can help her,and let her konw,you will help her when she is in trouble,and next I think if she meet another trouble,she will tell you.

I had a girlfriend that was my bestest friend all through high school, we did everything together and after we graduated we stayed friends and went out all the time. And then one day I got a phone call from her that she was not feeling well and could I recommend a doctor to her, I did and then called her that evening only to find her in a hospital and she had just given birth to a baby boy. Now mind you we had been bestest friends and had been going out and partying like girls do when they graduate from high school and I never knew that she was pregnant, I was hurt that she couldn't tell her best friend something so important in her life, she explained that she was going to give the baby up for adoption (which I talked her out of) but it still hurts.

I have had this happen a few times over the years. Different things but the most recent was my best friend who thought that what she was doing would disappointment me and she couldn't bare it. But I felt like if we are best friends how could you not tell me when so many others know. And of course I support her. So I really know how you are feeling with the both anger and having your feelings hurt. But try to understand where she is coming from too. She's probably really down about this situation and maybe even embarrassed by it. And talking about it probably makes it all that much worse for her - and real for her. Because while she was talking to you she could drop those feelings for a bit. I would go easy on her for now then later when she's better I'd maybe let her know it hurt your feelings :)

Hey pw, One of my old friends (we were like sisters) was telling about her new boyfriend (I'd never met him) she talked about him for weeks & their relationship. Then she got her tongue pierced & I sad to her "you know ppl are gonna think you're a lesbian" we laughed- then she got a passion for dolphins & rainbows (she collected stuff like that) I said it again we laughed.She later told me her "boyfriend" was a female-it didn't change the way I felt about her but I was kinda hurt that she felt like she had to lie to me b/c I felt like she should've known I'd still love her no matter what. +'s |:)

I know a person like this very well.She always act like that.Never will not say about the bad things when they come and the most of her friends learn after the hard time past,and she fell she can talk about.Who is she.............ME of course. Please don't fell bad or hurt.For some people is more easy to don't say anything than they share them problem.Now if she has 4-5 good friends including you too and you see everyone else know except you ,OK this time you can wonder why ,but if just this is the way she prefer handily the things the only good thing you can do is respect it.Let her know you'll be there whenever she need,sometimes this is the bigger help we can give. Also try talk with her to see what she has to say.Don't forget the job problems include money problem.Maybe just she didn't want to fell that you must help her by giving money ,and specially if she knows that even if you want you can't.

yes it bothers. In this situation you think that you are no more wanted to this friend. It also hurts that your friend is not comfortable sharing his/her problem with you. It gives the doubt of intensity of friendship.

Well I understand why you are hurt because it looks like you feel your friend did not trust you enough to confide in you, and that is hurtful. But I do understand what she has done. Unemployment can do strange things to people - make them feel ashamed and lose their pride and self-respect. It can also make them feel very depressed and retreat into their shells a lot. Maybe your friend felt so down she just didn't want to talk about it. She felt that she had been rejected by both her jobs, and even though she obviously knew deep-down you were a friend and wouldn't reject her, the depression made her fear rejection from everyone else and she kept quiet. Or maybe she just hoped she would get another job again quickly, and she did not want to bother you as she knows you've been busy lately and had all your SSS stuff to deal with. Sounds to me like pride though - if she once had two jobs and the money to help friends out, she didn't want to admit that she had "failed" in her own eyes. Please try not to be too hard on her - sounds like she is going through an emotional crisis right now, and really needs friends - she probably just doesn't know how to ask for help - so just let her know you will never reject her and always be there when and if she needs you, and wait for her to come to you. And in answer to your question - no it has never happened to me personally, but I'm sure it is something that happens quite often.

You know what Pye, it does upset me. But I am somewhat guilty of it myself. I mean, sometimes my life's crises just do not seem as important as other things going on around me so I tend to suck it up and deal with it. I often need the laughter and support my friends can give me with out the pity or concern. If I know there is nothing anyone can do, then why dwell. Does that make any sense?

I would be upset, but not mad if a close friend failed to tell me something important that was happening in their lives. However, by the sounds of it, she might be feeling a little humiliated - if she's always played the role of 'I've got it all together', to lose that standing can be a huge blow. You obviously don't think less of her because she's lost her jobs - most people wouldn't - but that doesn't mean that she doesn't feel like she's failed. When you feel like you've failed (even if that's only a personal view, and not how everyone else would see it), after always being so collected, many people just want to curl up into a little ball and ignore, or refuse to believe, what has happened. It sounds like she's coming through the other side of this now, and is willing to let people back in. So sure, be upset, but most of all, be supportive. Support doesn't just come in the form of money, or donations. Be there for her, and tell her that you'll do whatever you can to make things easier for her.

Sometimes it does bother me or hurt my feelings. I sit and stew for a while and then realize that alot of people don't want to tell people things. They are more private.

Actually Pye I am like that because I always feel that the other Person has enough Problems without putting my Problem on them to so I can not condemn anyone for doing that But yes it would make me angry if Friends did that lol I know that is strange as I do it but I always believe that others are more important and that they do not need to suffer with me It was like the time I was being tested on Lung Cancer I never told anyone to this Day I do not know how I held up lol but no one knew until the Test came back fine and then there was only a couple I told My Kids never knew and actually still don't and I was still living with them A lot of times in my Ex Marriage I put a brave face on outside for many years but then at the end of it I couldn't anymore Sometimes it is not easy to tell anyone as you do not want them to worry or hurt for you

You should be upset. True you couldn't give her money but you could have given her support in other ways. What are friends for? What does she think you are her friend for her money? I would have jumped down her throat for not telling me sooner and then tried to help in Any way I could. I have never had this happen to me but my mom had. Her best friend didn't tell her that she had Cancer until she was dying of it. It really hurt my mom.I hope you can be there for your friend and tell her that you always want to know what is happening in her life , good or bad.

I won't be hurt but I will do all I can to help since this person has been very helpful to me and she is close friend. I would feel hurt if I can't help her since she helped me before. I guess some people deal with problems that way, keep it to themselves. Maybe they have experienced that when they shared their problems, nobody helped and probably they were ignored, so they decided to keep to themselves. I hope your friend gets a job soon. being unemployed that long must be hard.

i just learnt JUST NOW that my closest friend + her family had met with quite a horrifying car accident way back in 2001. she somehow forgot that she never told me about it.. and pops the story in her mail just now... oh yes... i was shocked + hurt - as to why she had kept it from me all these years... i felt like she didnt trust me enough and cared for me enough to share that experience with her. ... and wrote that to her (telling her my feelings)- she wrote back - explaining that she didnt felt like sharing the story because at the end no one got seriously hurt - only the car was badly damaged and they had runined someone's fences.. she didnt want to worry me unnecessarily.. saying if she really did need anything from me.. she wouldnt have hesitated to ask and tell. i guess... i might have done the same thing, too. we share a lot of things (secrets) with each other... but i DONT tell her everything - not because i dont trust her, or ashamed to tell her, or dont think she deserves to know... but i guess - there are somethings that i do not wish to bother her with.. so.. i am okay with her not telling me about the accident.. she must have thought thought the same way. we've friends since high-school.. i treasure her too much to let one 'untold secret' to ruin our friendship.

your closed friend just dont want to bother you too much and just as you say you cant help her even you know in my mind,there is a kind of person that just struggle herself. you can take it easy.i think everone's attitude towards frinds is differernt.you can take it easy i had counter the same kinds things maybe sad at first,but you'll accept slowly how about make friend wiht me? :) .i am a chinese it is my msn:ncqshop@hotmail.com