What is my problem and why do I care so much?
By misheleen73
@misheleen73 (6037)
United States
October 8, 2007 8:54am CST
Let me start out by saying, I have very low self esteem. Always have. Most people that know me, would never guess it, but those who look deeper, can see the true me.
Anyway, I am a member of Myspace and I always log on to see if my sister, cousin or best friend have anything new to say to me.
I go through their profiles and see millions of pictures of my sister with her "friends" and their kids and 2, yes only 2 pics of my kids and only one of me. My page has huge amounts of pics of her and her family. My sis is the type of person that changes as the wind blows. One day she likes rock & roll or country and then she gets new friends and is into rap!! She has recently taken over a big portion of MY life by incorporating all MY interests into her profile as if she liked them her entire life. My problem is I still let myself feel bad or worthless when I see my own sister completely ignoring me, or my mother that hasn't called her grandkids in well over 6 months. Why do I feel I need their acceptance? Why do I feel hurt by their rejections? I put on a brave face and tell my hubby I don't care, but I do, and it hurts like HELL.
Now if you ask her, she'll say how much she misses me (we live 1500 miles apart) But deep down I know it's not true. I have fought my entire life to make my family love me. I am at my wits end trying to figure out what I did to not be good enough.
Sorry for the long rant, I am just feeling a little sentimental today!!
2 people like this
14 responses
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
9 Oct 07
You have every right to feel hurt. They are disrespecting you and they are your family, the ones you love most.Do you have any close friends, if so You should spend more time with them and let your family miss you for a while.You should go out and do something that you like to do with your friends.Let your family see how it feels when you are too busy to be there for them for once.Then after a while you can get together and see how it goes.Go out and do something fun for yourself. Have fun. Good Luck.
2 people like this
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
9 Oct 07
A good husband can be all the family you need.I hope he is sensitive to your feelings. Maybe you can do something fun with him.
1 person likes this
@misheleen73 (6037)
• United States
9 Oct 07
he is marvelous actually..lol. He understands all I've been through and has been a real rock for me.
1 person likes this
@misheleen73 (6037)
• United States
9 Oct 07
thanks for the tips. Unfortunately, I live 1500 miles from my friends too...lol. My family never came to see us when we were right down the street either. I am getting better. My hubby is wonderful and helps me a lot.
1 person likes this
@ragini155 (56)
• India
9 Oct 07
dont feel this way. I will tell you, focus on you and your kids. Stop feeling not loved. people will come to you when you dont get too close to them. Ans in this life let me tell you, its you who have to take care of yourself. keep yourself first and then others. In this life you live therefore cherish all the moments. I dont say that dont care and stop caring for all. but dont expect anything in return. people are very complicated and difficult to understand sometimes. All i feel is to be so strong that you wont be hurt... give love and feel loved. I want you to slowely change yourself and give less trouble to self. I hope you understand and dont misinterpret. Take care.
@misheleen73 (6037)
• United States
9 Oct 07
I do understand. I have had troubles all my life with self esteem. The way I was treated as a child had a large affect on me. I have gotten better with the years and hubby's help. Thanks for the advice.
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
9 Oct 07
Sweetie first of all I like you the way you are I enjoyed talking to you that morning we where chatting when you where at work
To me your Family is selfish and evil
If I where you I would not concentrate on them anymore as you worth more then that
You are worth millions more to them
Concentrate on your Family which is your Hubby and your Kids and not on anyone else
Then on your Friends that love you for who you are and I certainly do
I am not just saying that to make you feel better I mean it
You do not have to beg or anything for your Mum and Sister to love you
You are you and you are a great Person so let them come crawling to you eventually
I was the black sheep of the Family to but my Mum and me get on now as 20 years ago she regreted everything and we are fine
So please Sweetie concentrate on the People that love you as the ones that don't do not know what they are missing
Love and Hugs to you
@gabs8513 (48686)
• United Kingdom
9 Oct 07
The same reason I didn't Sweetie because we are strong and we decided that we are worth a lot more and that we care for the ones we love and always stick to that Sweetie you are great and you are certainly a loving and caring Friend
Big Hugs
1 person likes this
@kalav56 (11464)
• India
9 Oct 07
You have to grow up and try very hard to keep your mind from clutter. I write this with a lot of feeling, understanding and sharing because I know what it is, Basicallly, you have to realise that you can never win people over when they have ganged up. Why worry when you know the truth that there is no reciprocity in your sibling? We are all grown up individuals and if there is no mutuality in a relationship you should stop worrying and though our tendency would be to boil when you see falseness and pretences we have to accept the unpalatable truth and if our expectations are not met, just call a halt. You have your husband and children who love you .Develop a sense of detachment from those past ties[you have been driven to it] and go about your work . You should not care about people who don't care for you. In the next few tears, things will change and one thing you will have to remember-the world respects you as much as you respect yourself. The same thing goes for mother and sister too. If you have been docile and subservient all your life they will now refuse to change and will refuse to respect you-forget them and look ahead.
1 person likes this
@misheleen73 (6037)
• United States
9 Oct 07
The typo was fine..lol. I respect everything you say and have moved on in many ways. There are just certain times that "get" to me if you know what I mean.
@raijin (10345)
• Philippines
9 Oct 07
This is what I also felt on my high school friend, actually, us. We've been through alot back then, and that our friendships didn't end after we graduated. Though we went to our specific directions in taking college, we still communicate and visit each other. Now as timed passed and already had our jobs, we seldom see one another but we still call one another and set-up a get-together. But later on, as he went abroad and had a good job, he already forgotten us and broken the promise of atleast to communicate and share stories with each other.
I think this is one thing I can't simply understand why it has to happen, I really can't handle the feeling of being ignored and be rejected. Thoguh I (we) already moved on, it still hurts whenever the thought of it goes inside my mind.
1 person likes this
@kalav56 (11464)
• India
9 Oct 07
Friends will come back-because the element of expectation in friendship is comparatively less than in the case of relatives[this is the feeling I get]. Moreover, we make our friends. They are not thrust on us.
But, in any relationship we must voice our opinion then and there instead of overlooking certain things and allowing people to take us for granted and then hurt us, This feeling of hurt will be there I guess ,till he suddenly decides to get in touch with you. In that case your liking for your friend would still persist but with a little bit of detachment.
@misheleen73 (6037)
• United States
9 Oct 07
I am sorry your friend forgot his promise. That is what I mean. I have moved on, but sometimes I think about my family (my hubby has an awesome family) and I wonder why mine can't be that way too. It does hurt sometimes. I am still functional, I work, take care of my own family, but it doesn't take away the hurt I feel sometimes.
@Mirita (2668)
• United States
8 Oct 07
My dear friend, I think you need to stop trying so hard for the acceptance of your family. I'm sure that your mom and your sister love you ,but people are different in the way they express love. You haven't done anything wrong and is not your fault that they act the way they do. Some people don't see the need to demonstrate so much love to others and we need to accept them as they are and move on with our lives. Just deal with them if they wish to deal with you and don't expect so much from them anymore.
@misheleen73 (6037)
• United States
9 Oct 07
I have given up expecting anything from them. It is just sometimes I get to thinking way too much.
@misheleen73 (6037)
• United States
11 Oct 07
Thank you... I do try not to think too much. I have been a little under the weather and I think that has a lot to do with me thinking more as well !!
@mimpi1911 (25464)
• India
9 Oct 07
Hi Michelle,
We are so same!! Michelle, it really hurts when someone close to you puts up a false show and fakes it all. Some ppl have to give all through their life, never to get back little love and thoughtfulness from them. I have gone through this time and again and what i learnt is we cannot but let go. What else can we do! Try to let go Michelle and do your job and keep your fingers crossed for that day to arrive. Be optimistic and live healthy. I know it's indeed difficult but trust me it works - it's only matter of time.
You have a lovely family and live life to the fullest with the.
God bless.
1 person likes this
@misheleen73 (6037)
• United States
9 Oct 07
Thank you so much for your kind words. It's been awhile since I've been around here and I have missed you and your wisdom !! :)
@subha12 (18441)
• India
9 Oct 07
I think its the way of your thinking.You are habituated in caring so much.
I am more like the same.
I care for people so much only to find that they not at all care for me.
In this way I was cheated few months back.
I took care of my so called friend so much and at the end he cheated me.
I think its in our attitude.
May be he is thinking himself to have gained a lot, but there is always someone who will act appropriately.
Try to keep away from her and also don't bother too much.
@misheleen73 (6037)
• United States
9 Oct 07
thanks.. I am sorry you were cheated..life is full of heartache sometimes...
@misheleen73 (6037)
• United States
28 Oct 07
I used to live right down the street and it was worse then. I talk to my sister more now, living 1500 miles apart than I did then. I am ok with it now.. thanks for your response.
@royal52gens (5488)
• United States
9 Oct 07
Mish, I love the fact that you care so much about things. You wear your heart upon you sleeve and is easily hurt. In some ways what your sister has done.........could be taken as a compliment to you. It sounds like she is trying to stay in touch and learn more about you. Rant away if it helps. You have friends here that care also.
1 person likes this
@misheleen73 (6037)
• United States
9 Oct 07
Thanks !! I know she is like that, if she called more or even emailed more (especially her nephews) I would understand. We are but a getaway when she decides she needs a break from her own family !!
@rocky085 (10)
• India
9 Oct 07
hey buddy y ru caring so much for sis
i know that u love her
and i promise she also loves u
but see first try living ur life and
let her live her own life
when u love someone
u should not keep expectations and mostly u should not
feel depressed becoz of that
trust is the only one thing that keeps a relationship alive and strong
just if u love ur sis then u gotta trust her
when time comes i bet she will definatly show her love
1 person likes this
@misheleen73 (6037)
• United States
9 Oct 07
I know she is my sister and would be there if I need her, but I have been through a lot in my life with both her & my family.. too much to put on here...lol
@seahorse4445 (639)
• United States
9 Oct 07
If I were you I would get involved in church and quit worrying about what my family says or does. It doesn't seem to be helping you. I have friends who are more family than my blood.
@misheleen73 (6037)
• United States
9 Oct 07
I am not "worried" what they say or do, I just don't know how to explain to my kids why their aunt & grandmother don't call or come to see them.
@misheleen73 (6037)
• United States
9 Oct 07
I have tried to talk to them before, they just don't see it. It's ok though, I will be fine. I have my hubby and kids. Thanks for your concern.
@tintin7978 (102)
• Philippines
9 Oct 07
Hi misheleen, cheer up. I hope that your mood has changed now. You said that you have a very low self esteem, why is that? I think that if you want to change the course of your life, better start thinking positive about yourself. Think about the good things in you that you like and that people around you like, for a change. About your family, well, you can't change them but you can change your own outlook. Don't be defeated by your circumstances, overcome it. We should not give up to the despair of this life but instead draw yourself to the brighter view of it.
@misheleen73 (6037)
• United States
9 Oct 07
There are many reasons I have low self esteem. I do love my life with my hubby & kids, and by no means am I in despair. I just get a little down from time to time. Thanks for your concern
