I am really worried about my Step Son what should My husband and I do?
By BlueAngelRS
@BlueAngelRS (2899)
Canada
October 9, 2007 11:24am CST
This past weekend was Thanksgiving weekend in Canada and My husband and I spent Saturday night with my step son...
When we met his Mom and step dad to pick him up on Saturday he was soooo happy to see us and his usual bouncy self and so excited to spend time with us and His brother and sister...
He completly did a 360 so to speak on the day we took him home and does this everytime we have to take him back to His Mom and Step Dad...He was so quiet for the trip out to his place and depressed everytime we asked him what's wrong he say in a sad voice nothing...He is 7 years old and I could tell it was because we were taking him home...And he was going to miss us...
Anyways he gets out of the van and run to give his Mom a hugg when we get there and that is fine and wonderful to see shows he missed his Mom but then right away she starts nagging and talking in her whining and bi**chy voice at him Wheres your bag you can carry your own bag you are a big boy blah blah blah...My heart sinks but I don't say anything out loud He comes back to the van upset I hand him his bag and said here ya go bud I grabbed it off the back seat for you...
We stay and talk for a few minutes take our daughter to see their ponies but the disturbing part to me is when we were in their house saying our byes and stuff we were in their sun room that has windows all around and vanetion blinds my husband and I see My step son standing there and taking the vanetion blind cord and wrapping it around his neck My husband in a polite voice starts to tell him to stop His Mother immediatly starts yelling at him to stop and then says why do you get an attitude everytime you come home from your dads??? I couldn't believe what I was hearing she goes over to him he unwraps it off his neck then sits down and finally talks to him in a nicer voice and I say bud you could hurt yourself and she copies everything I say and he starts to cry and looks at us with tears in his eyes...
What the heck is she putting this poor kid through tearing him apart like this and us...I don't know what to do or how to even tell my husband to start telling him how to handle it... Not only this happened but I found out when I asked my step son if he would like to come to our place one weekend and I would take him to a WHL hockey game how would he like that...He says I would like it but I'm not allowed to come to your place I was sooooooooo mad....Also she pipes up and says he can stay longer with us at my MOTHER n LAWS house...I think it's time to hit the courts cuz this is crap that we only can see him there and not bring him to our place and the whole time she told me he doesn't want to come right she lied lied and lied again it's not that he doesn't want to he thinks he is forbidden and not allowed...And he also said the part of he is allowed to see us at my mother n laws that is fine...THOSE are his Mothers words not his I reconized it when he said it.
4 people like this
10 responses
@PurpleTeddyBear (6685)
• Canada
9 Oct 07
Hi Hun,
I am glad that you guys had a great Thanksgiving weekend with your step son, but I am so sorry that he did that with the blinds cord. I'm not really sure what would make him do that, but I bet it must have been scary! I know that his mother has been making it very difficult to see you and maybe that was his way of hinting that he didn't want to come home, and that time flew WAY too fast for him. My heart really goes out to the poor guy! My advice would be to talk to him the next time you guys get him, and/or just reassure him that if he ever needs to talk that you and your hubby will be there! Love & Hugzz, PurpleTeddyBear!
1 person likes this
@BlueAngelRS (2899)
• Canada
9 Oct 07
Yes I am most definatly going to do that Hun...It broke my heart and I was so scared we just barried his baby sister 4 months ago and I don't want to chance loosing Him too I may have not given birth to him myself but I feel he is apart of me and I feel so helpless in helping him it's obvious and apparent he is not really happy like they try to protray and with a Mother like his why would he be...When he hugzzz me hun he holds on for dear life like he doesn't really have a Mother and I'm that for him...
2 people like this
@PurpleTeddyBear (6685)
• Canada
13 Oct 07
I am really glad that he atleast has you to give him all of the things his real mother obviously isn't. I know it's a heart breaking situation and hopefully you can have a chat with him soon. I hope he opens up to you and tells you what's going on with him soon so you know where to go from there and help him.
Love & Hugzz, Your Friend, PurpleTeddyBear.
@BlueAngelRS (2899)
• Canada
16 Oct 07
Hi Hun, I sure hope so too...He shouldn't have to go through this and bottle things up inside and feel the way he does he is just a little boy who needs love and attention not to be made out to be some kind of robot with no feelings which I always see His own Mother doing to him.
@whywiki (6066)
• Canada
9 Oct 07
I think some people shouldn't be parents period. The poor kid's mom sounds pretty immature and petty. It sounds like she is jealous that you and her ex have a good family life. It sounds like it may be time for the courts to step in. Have you thought about getting custody? I was lucky to have a good childhood and I think that it is a parents responsibility to make every kid feel they have a good life. Life is just too short to be sad one day of it. Good luck.
@BlueAngelRS (2899)
• Canada
9 Oct 07
Yes I completly agree with you and The whole situation is messed up I was with him before they got together and had their son I have his first born son so it is really messed up she wanted to be married and have a child so bad and when she got what she wanted left my husband good for me but not my poor step son...Yes I've thought of getting custody soooooo many times and if this keeps up I just might talk to my husband about fighting for custody but I hate to put my step son through more then he already has...It's a hard one.
1 person likes this
@MsTickle (25180)
• Australia
17 Oct 07
I think you should sit down with your husband and encourage him to tell you what he sees when this happens. You obviously see and understand ewhat's going on (this woman is using her son to punish you and her ex and destroying the boy on the way)
Unless your husband understands on his own without you explaining and putting the thoughts in his head, I don't know what you can do except talk to a counsellor or child protection authority.
It's a very sticky situation for all of you to be in.
@BlueAngelRS (2899)
• Canada
21 Oct 07
Yes I agree about the sticky situation...I am doing my best but I also told my husband I will stand behind him but not do it for him...hugzzzzz.
@twoey68 (13627)
• United States
16 Jan 08
I would definately talk to the courts and have the visitations clearly arranged so she has no room to make changes to suit her behaviors or desires. I'd also talk to court to get the child some mandated counceling to help deal with the situation. It sounds like he needs some help and she doesn't sound like she's going to be much help to him.
**AT PEACE WITHIN**
~~STAND STRONG IN YOUR BELIEFS~~
@BlueAngelRS (2899)
• Canada
25 Jan 08
Thanks for your response hun sorry it has taken so long to get back to you I haven't been feeling too well these days and haven't logged on much...I agree with you totally I don't think his mother really cares at all and is just using my step son as a pon in her games she likes to play that and now she lives near her Mommy and Daddy again and her Mommy loves to call all the shots.
@mummymo (23706)
•
10 Oct 07
Sweety I really don't know what to say to you here! I know it must be very frustrating and hard for you and your husband but I know that you are a strong woman and that you will get through this!
Maybe his mother was having a bad day - maybe she is worried about your step son staying at your place because of the way he lost the relationship with his son before? Maybe she is just being nasty and vindictive and using your step son as a weapon? I don't know the answer for sure and although I know it is heartbreaking for you I have to be honest and say that you have to bite your tongue and be patient, hopefully in time things will settle down and when his ex feels she can trust your hubby more she will let him stay at your place more and more.
The only time I would change that advice is if you had any doubts about his safety - in that case I would really have to say that you would have to get social services/ child protection involved!
In my case although it took 13 years my ex and I get on well and he always tries to back me up with any problems I have with my son - having said that he lives in a different country and I don't see him week in and week out!
I do hope that things start to get better really soon and that you can all relax in each others company! Hugs xxx
@BlueAngelRS (2899)
• Canada
12 Oct 07
I thought that could be it at first about the lack there of of contact for awhile on my husbands part but I have sat back and studied and whole picture she has been there way anytime and everytime we have tried to have anything to do with my step son not just the times it took so long to contact...As for the yelling at him this has been ongoing for as long as I can remember ever since i've back back with my husband I've heard her do this in person and over the phone....I have heard her husband is a bit of a control freak so whose to say she is not taking it out on my step son...I told my husband give it time don't run this way call him contact him go to see him play an active role that will help you in the court system.
1 person likes this
@BlueAngelRS (2899)
• Canada
21 Oct 07
hugzzzzzzzzzzz hun and thank you and yes you are so right. When my step son gets older he will realize what is really going on and what to believe and what has happened and I don't want him pointing fingers at my husband but he will see and catch on to what his Mom is doing eventually.
@Amberina (1541)
• United States
9 Oct 07
Poor little man I wish I could help him myself. What I would do is get him into some kind of counseling or something maybe call his school and ask to talk to the guidance counseler it's free advice and maybe they have some resources or ideas to help him. There is something going on there at his mom's house for sure, letting the school know your concerns will help them watch him at school and maybe he could set up a time to talk to the guidance counseler once a week. I wish him all the best. -Amber
@BlueAngelRS (2899)
• Canada
12 Oct 07
I agree I feel for him and I don't know if the school would allow me to talk about him or not His mother has told me he shows up or acts tired the school has notified her so I do not know I will keep you posted.
@BlueAngelRS (2899)
• Canada
12 Oct 07
Yes sometimes I wonder and feel that could be it...I would love nothing more then to have nothing to do with her but to be honest my husband and I are trying to be better about this and show my step son we can get along with His Mom and step son so that he knows we love him too and give him some stability We are trying to handle it in a mature manner
@smurfettewv (359)
• United States
10 Oct 07
Can I ask does he have visitation throught he courts or does she just allow him visits?
I am a legal consult and would love to help you by giving you step by step instructions and advice on what can be done let me know and there is no charge this is free cause from one mom to another I know how it is to see the other child suffer. Just message me on yahoo at smurfettewv if you need help in getting more time with him and at your house not on her terms.
@BlueAngelRS (2899)
• Canada
12 Oct 07
Thanks so much for that and I will definatly give send you a message and take that advice that is wonderful of you to offer me...From the courts right now as stands as far as I know my husband has Reasonable access and notice...For visitation.
@worldwise1 (14885)
• United States
9 Oct 07
It is a sad commentary on family life, BlueAngel, when the children are the ones who come out on the losing end. I'll never understand why some adults refuse to grow up and put the children first. Children are not property, and should never be treated as such. Your husband should hire a lawyer and take action to exert his parental rights. He should also voice any concerns about the child's welfare to the lawyer. These children did not asked to be born into a relationship that didn't work out. They have every right to enjoy the benefits of both parents. Best of luck!
@BlueAngelRS (2899)
• Canada
12 Oct 07
Yes I agree totally...The situation is a difficult one and that is what I told my parents about my step son...I grew up with his Mother she went to school with my sister....I said he did not ask to be born..I personally did not give birth to him but he is as much apart of my husband and this family and my love as my kids with my husband are that is the way I look at it..
@BlueAngelRS (2899)
• Canada
12 Oct 07
Thanks I believe you are right this needs to be delt with in court.
