Why?
By fullmetal1
@fullmetal1 (129)
United States
October 10, 2007 9:56am CST
My mom raised me by herself,we were always together,except for a few years we lived apart,but still saw each other daily. we moved back together about 6 years ago, she had soem health problems but looked good,and was managing thme fine. durring the last two years she began to decline. she spent 6 mo. in a care facility then came home. she had a live in care provider as well as myself. over the months she ate less and less and got more confused and a bit senile. she aso got mean,cussing and manipulating people. she was looseing alot of weight,and sleeping alot. she was still fighting though. she got very agitated and wanted ot go live somewhere eles,so i looked into different places with her,but the co-pay were all too high for her. she saw the doctor two weeks ago on a monday, she wanted to go to the ER after a fall the week befor, but he said she was ok and didnt have any medical reason to be admitted. she came home that day,went to bd ad died the following Friday. she was so afraid of eath and made no arrangements at all. she never wanted to talk abotu what to do or anything except that she wished ot be cremated. why did she give up? why did she quit fighting? we were all there with her,but now i have such heavy regrets, I wish i would hve done more. everyone tells me,oh it was her time,but i think she felt that no one was listening to her,and she couldnt afford to go to acare facility though we took good care of her,how is it a person can just give up and die like that? is it because she didnt want to be here anymore,was it her dementia talking ? why?
1 person likes this
2 responses
@carolbee (16230)
• United States
10 Oct 07
I'm not in the medical field but it sounds to me like there's a good possibility dementia was the issue. The disease takes away the will to eat, think rationally and survive.
Went through this with both my parents and it wasn't easy although they lived to be much older parents. At first I recall feeling like I hadn't done enough. It's those guilty feelings that makes us feel horrible when we lose a parent. Such as, we could have done more to help. That's not always the case but the time will come when you feel good about what you did for her when she was alive.
My sympathy to you and your family.
@fullmetal1 (129)
• United States
10 Oct 07
Thank you for your response. It is so hard,but you are right. My mom was only 72.It still seems to young.
your responce made me feel a bit better. thank you.
@mindmap (36)
• Sweden
11 Oct 07
Don't feel guilty. Guilt just gnaws at you until nothing is left, and you really haven't done anything to feel guilty about.
It's common with dementia that the body grows weaker, partially because of lack of will. It's part of the illness and nothing your mother did voluntarily, so she didn't leave you on purpose nor did she give up. You will have to accept this to be able to move on and grieve for her without guilt and shame. My best wishes to you.
@fullmetal1 (129)
• United States
12 Oct 07
Thank you, everyone. it helps to have your resonces,it really does. When I sit back and remember how she was i know she had been declineing for some time,and that there were signs of her passing months ago,lack of appatite,taste failing,sleeping so much,ect... I do appreciate all your comments. i do remember all the good,its just hard wiht the grief so new still. thnaks to everyone.
