Starting Anew

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When I was 14, it was already clear to me. I want to study in UP to earn whatever college degree that I want. I want to meet people. I want to be in a new place. I want to explore another world completely different from the one I was accustomed to. I want to learn about other's culture. (However, fate intervenes. I ended up in another school.) --- I just want to be away. To start anew? Maybe. But, it was more to make a new "me" in a different place. Impressions were already there since I was a child - and I had grown to those impressions. *You are this... You are that. You used to be like this, used to be like that.* I want to make a new impression to these new people that I am about to meet. How would they know me? How would I introduce myself to other people? Will I be able to adopt to their culture and way of living? "I want to stop joking around and refrain from making people feel better by making them laugh." - a Senior friend wrote this in her blog I quoted it because I can exactly relate to it. For once, I just want to stop giggling. I want to stop laughing and stop smiling and stop being there for other people. I want to stop making other people feel good about themselves. I want to be dull. I want to be boring. I want to be alone. I want to be insensitive. Sigh... For example, out of the 10 tasks you did, you were able to accomplish 9 tasks with flying colors and had only a single mistake. Others would congratulate you for the job well done - or for the good deeds that you did. But when worst comes to worst, they will remember that one single mistake and *presto!* You are already judged. But as what Mother Theresa said, "In the final analysis, it is between you and God. It is never between you and them anyway." People are often unreasonable, illogical and self-centered; Forgive them anyway. If you are kind, People may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives; Be Kind anyway. If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies; Succeed anyway. Frank people may cheat you; Be honest and frank anyway. What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight; Build anyway. If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous; Be happy anyway. The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow; Do good anyway. Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough; Give the world the best you've got anyway. You see, in the final analysis. It is between you and God; it is never between you and them anyway. --------