Irritating Shyness...

I'm not going to kid you. It takes time to get over being shy. It took me years. But then again, I didn't have anyone to guide me. I had to learn everything the hard way. But the good news is, the farther along I got, the better I felt. I felt better at the end of year one than I did before I started and better at the end of year two than I did at the end of year one. You get the picture.

When you are picking your friends, try to find someone who is not shy. I can understand your irritation with this person. She is inconveniencing you with her affliction. This shows that although she may be shy, she is also inconsiderate, and therefore is not a true friend. My advise would be to find someone else and don't ask her to any more parties.

Maybe she's afraid that she doesn't know anyone. Before i was a shy person, i envy those people who are aggressive, babbly/talkative, people who are confident and comfortable expressing themselves. Then i decided that i don't want to be a shy person forever cause it won't do good to you and slowly trying to cope up of being shy. Tried to be a bit confident and aggressive at times and thankfully i was put to naughty, noisy and the other bully person as a cubicle mate in the office and things change a bit. Sometimes im still shy but not just like before. She just need to be around many people all the time to get used to it.

Shyness is a lot more serious than most people realize. It can be considered a mental illness. I was very shy when I was younger. I was afraid to talk because I thought that someone would get mad at me or that I would say something wrong and not fit in. I have a niece that is a step-child. Her step-father starting dating her mom when she was six months old. He had plenty of time to embrace her as his own child, but he always made her feel like she did not belong. Now, she is so shy, that she makes me uncomfortable. We were at a birthday party. It was so obvious that she was trying hard to communicate with me. She said, hey auntie, what's up? It caught me off guard and I did not know how to answer her. Usually when I see her I do all the talking and she gives me one word answers or just laughs. I would ask you to be patient with your friend, I know from experience that being shy can be very painful.

hi asertdd ,there are few psychological conditions where people become like that i don't know ur friend is that or not ,people appear to be normal it is even better that she is shy ,some are aggressive an so on ,meeting people and mingling with them is art u are born with it and thankfully u can learn it also it is good she has friend like u,make her meet people ,tell her it is good to see people and having nice time with them,i just hope u get me right .

I think that it is very difficult to say if a person is really shy, because sometimes it is just a way to not be "at the center" of the attention of other people. But sometimes it is also a way to look polite to a person that you meet for the first time. This might be a very irritating way of being, but as we say here in Italy: "calm rivers destroy the bridges!". This means that a person that seems to be very shy, maybe between the walls of his/her family house is very aggressive...

Your friend might be a case of group phobia or inferiority complex.Such people do avoid to mix up with people.If mixed forcefully they feel very tense.I also have one friend with same nature. One day I took him to a lonely place.Started with some emotions and about his favourite things.Then I asked the reason of his phobia,He opened up like anything,cried for 10 minutes and told that he was a victim of his fathers anger.At the age of 9 he was fired badly in front of friend group for 3 times.It was a mental shock, since then he was keeping him away from group. But my counselling released his 80% mental burden and after little follow up he is enjoying he group. So I think such people need our help and we should help them.

Some people suffer from anxiety. I guess shyness is another way to put it but anxiety can really ruin a person's life. Personally I have started and quit many courses/studies because I have been too anxious to be around groups of people. This led to depression because I felt as though I wasn't getting anywhere in my life. Finally this year I seeked help and am now seeing a psychologist. I'm slowly getting better and am able to handle public situations. Your friend probably felt very very bad about not coming to the party, especially as it was a child's party but this is what anxiety can do. To the average person it's "oh there's nothing to be chy about what's your problem?" But to the anxious person it can be terrifying even thinking about being in a social situation. I suggest that you support your friend and tell her that she can talk to someone about her anxiety.

Sometimes it is hard to know if people are really that shy or if it is passive aggression. It is so very exasperating! However, it is possible that your friend truly does have some terrible problems she is working through. Good luck in this relationship.

Hello aseretdd, I understand if you feel upset with your friend's last minute decision to cancel the plan. Sometimes it is hard to say about one's weakness. Maybe your friend feels unconfortamble to be surrounded by so many people. I don't think she feels shy to attend the party of a one year old boy but the thinking of being with so many people makes her feels uncomfortable and decided to cancel her plan to go with you.

It takes a long time to overcome shyness. I used to be a shy person myself. It helps when the person builds on his/her self confidence, though. The more the person learns to interact with strangers, the more at ease he/she becomes. But nobody can change anybody else. It has to be the shy person himself/herself that tries hard to break through the shyness...and it IS tough to do the first move 'coz there are plenty of worries. It helps to meet warm, welcoming people 'coz then they'll help the shy person break the ice. But if the person tries it once and then he/she meets only cold people who can't stand to be with shy people, then the shy person might suffer and it'll only make him/her reluctant to try again. Trust me, for shy people, there are SO many things to be shy about...it takes years to build on self-confidence and to interact and get rid of shyness...so just be patient with your friend. Hopefully she'll try hard to change. :-)))

It's called anxiety. You become so nervous about doing something, the anticipation makes you feel horrible. so ultimately you decide not to do it. Which isn't good because you'll do the same thing next time, never being able to just go out and DO IT, and get over it... the anxiety before you actually go is much greater then when you get there.

I used to be a lot like your friend but somehow grown out of the shyness. My shyness used to irritate my friends as well but as much as I don't want to upset them, I found it hard to face different social situations without having them as my backup. Something as simple as ordering food in a fast food chain used trigger a level of anxiety for me. I guess low self-esteem has a lot to do with that shyness. I'd advice you to learn to understand your friend more. She needs the support from you to eventually get passed that shyness. Forcing her to enter social situations won't help either. Hopefully, she'll get over it in her own terms like I did.

It is absolutely amazing how strong that fear of coming across as shy can be. it is debilitating. Shyness can stop you doing so many things that you enjoy. Shyness is more the fear of what will happen. It tends to happen to people who think ahead about consequences. It is a form of self consciousness. It is a hard thing to break out of, but if you force yourself, eventually you do!

as where your friend was in the wrong for dissing you about the party. i personally can understand her shyness... i too am a very shy person... i dont like talking to people i get all teary eyed and scared... when i have to call and make an appointment or request propane delivery cable phone service etc what ever it may be i have my mother or my older sister call for me... when it reagrds anything to do with bills or other services i have my husband call and when he says that he wont i cry so that he does... i cant help it i am very afraid of peopel! i can soliacize when i dont have to but when i am expected to i freeze up.

there are really shy person and yes sometimes it was very irritating when you see a person very shy with the things that they should feel ashame of.

Shyness is very difficult to overcome so we must be patient with them, even the smallest thing can make them shy, things that we think nothing about.

Hello! I had a friend who was like that and I got mad at her, we actually argued about it. I'm a shy person as well but in a right way and right place unlike her, she had this overshyness in her skin which was irritating and annoying. Like you, I invited her to a party and she said yes, then at the last minute changed her mind because of her shyness, she did it 3x and I eventually got tired inviting her to parties unless she tells me so. Her shyness is worst that even we are outside going shopping she won't ask the saleslady 'coz she's shy or when we're in a fastfood won't order the food 'coz she's shy...I said to her..."hellooooooo!!! you're so damn irritating and so over.." I can't understand people like that as well, being shy when there's no reason to be shy at all. Take care. *smile* ciao! c",)

I can be shy but I don't understand why your friend is shy to attend t birthday party of a 1 yr. old child. I don't have to be shy to attend a party.