long term relationships

we are so, on the same page ! you have expressed many feeling that i feel, so i know exactly what you mean. but, it's sad to know, other are suffering the same as i am. because i know the strain it puts on you, personally, and especially mentally & physically etc. because it's totally draining ! i'm just thankful that my children are grown and have families of their own. i couldn't imagine having to keep it all together, in this condition because i have children to worry about. but it blows my mind, that after all the time & effort we put into these people we end up with nothing. after all, you would think, these types of people would finally find an appreciation for what they have on their lives, mainly a good partner. but today, i guess that's not worth much, to some. because many think there is more, when there really isn't. if you find someone good, that should be enough and you should treasure them but, i find that is is not enough for those few who are totally self centered. they always seem to think, it's all about them, and what makes then happy. no matter how much the cost to the relationship or it's failing. and some even think there are greener pastures are out there for them to find. and i feel, in the end, they will end up alone in this life because very few are willing to give their all, 110% to make things work when they get little to nothing back. sure, they'll have people around them, doing things with them, supporting them etc..but they will also have superficial meaningless relationships. but maybe thats what they want because they can't dig deep within themselves to find the real them. they'd rather survive by denying ! you cannot have one partner giving unconditional love, while the other just takes it all from them and gives nothing back ! and i too, believed there are relationships, that turn out with the fairy tales ending. filled with unconditional love, emotional support etc. but finding it, is a whole other story ! but, because of the behaviors etc that i've endured, it has jaded me some how and this is not the person i am or want to be. so i know enough, and learned the lesson that in order for me to find happiness, i have to put myself first, and others second. and this is one of the hardest things to do when your born to nurture. you think of others needs, wants & desires first, and then your own somewhere down the line, if ever and that's a flaw i find in my own personality. and this is something these self centered people take advantage of, i think ! but, i will hold onto my dreams and hope that he see's the light...and if not, then i will have to find the strength to let go, as much as that's going to hurt. but it would be in hopes of finding happiness and maybe some day, that perfect soul mate that i/we all deserve. because i know it happens. it's just so sad that after 22 yrs, i may have to make the choice, that i got to move onto another path in life ! but better that, then what they will endure once that unconditional love it gone.

i hear you loud and clear, because for the longest time, i didn't see this part of him. i think it was because we were raising kids, we both drank some and i was just too busy with work, the home, school, the kids etc, that i didn't see the real him. that and he is so good at manipulating things & people into thinking he's doing whats right for them. when really, it's all about his goals etc. but i believe in my heart, it took my getting sober, the kids growing up & moving out etc, for me to see the real him. and all those yrs, even though the choices we made together, did benefit us all, it was really his agenda that took priority. but i was so blinded by all thse other things, so i didn't realize any of it until about 8 yrs ago. i am tired and burnt out being the good one, the one giving 110% and getting barely anything back. the one to have to always forgive and move on, get over it etc. i have finally reached the point where, i cannot give anything back. i have needs, wants and desires too, that have been neglected for all these yrs. and he has even said, for yrs, that no one is special, no one is unique and we're all replaceable, which i always took as him being immature etc. but maybe he really believed those things, but i just didn't see that ! but, now that i see the real him, and now that i know he isn't willing to modify somewhat, to benefit the relationship, after 22 yrs...it's all going to end. and thats so sad !