Dating and the single parent

It seems to me that the problems you are encountering boil down to the way you see yourself as a single parent. yes you have a child, and yes you would like a proper relationship, but you yourself can't see why a man would want to hang around with all that "baggage" there... all you have to do is percieve things differently. I am a single mum, with a boyfriend, who doesn't mind in the slightest that I have a 9 year old son! my sons father also bolted through the door after pregnancy was mentioned, so it was definately not my choice to be left holding the baby! but i did not give up hope of finding someone who would want to be with me just because i had a child. many men are more than willing to accept that you had a life before you met them, you have just been unfortunate enough to meet those that think you either are easy or want a father figure. firstly, you need to be comfortable in your own skin, be happy that you are a single parent, don't see it as a drawback on your life, just because you aren't with a man, does not mean that you can't get on with your life. there is nothing more attractive to a man than to see that a woman doesn't actually need him! (reverse psychology lol). secondly, always be honest about your child, never start dating someone if they have the assumpion that you don't have the ties of a child. it's quite misleading to men to find out you have children after you have started your first date. thirdly, never lay expectations of a full on serious relationship on a guy, they don't like it when kids aren't involved, so they kind of hate it more when there is the added preassure of jumping into the "instant family" scenario. if you spend time getting to know a guy before even going on a first date it makes things so much easier, you get to know their personal views about single mums, how they would feel about walking into a ready made family and such like. you would also get the chance to find out if it could work on both sides. my boyfriend for instance is a friend of my brother, and he knew i have my son long before we got together, he has no problem with the fact that i had a life before meeting him, he didn't consider me to be "easy" and doesn't even try to "play daddy" with my son (they get on great by the way lol). a relationship, even after having kids, is about you and the other person, not about your children (though obviously you have to make sure they are happy about the person you are seeing). treat dating after having kids the same as you would before you had your child.

Oh man the endless relationships I had encountered. I am now married and I had 2 kids before my husband so believe me it is possible. However lots of guys do think that you are right away looking for a father figure right away which isn't even true. When I first would meet a guy that is one of the very first things I would tell them that I had children from there on if they didn't even want to accept that then good bye. For me once some of the guys that I had dated found out that my kids dad wasn't even really involved then they felt more comfortable like they didn't have to compete with their dad or hear you're not my dad stuff like that. I am very fortunate to have my husband because now my kids call him dad and that is their choice and his we never forced anything onto them. I guess it's kind of like when the time is right you will know believe me. I was a single mom for about 5 years. I think before even dating someone with kids you really do have to get to know them first. That is how it had happened with me and my husband we didn't actually start dating for almost a month after we had met we did talk a lot though.

It is hard for men to get into what we call a "ready made family". It's a big responsibility for anyone to take on be it male or female. I was a single parent with my 1st son. I'm in my 2nd relationship since he was born 20 years ago. Both relationships have been long term so there are men out there willing to be with a single mother. I've learned not to go looking for a relationship. Anytime I have it turned out bad real quick. When I wasn't looking for it I found it. I agree that some men think single mothers are "easy" and they think the woman is just looking for a "rent a dad". It's so unfair for anyone to think this way. You don't want a man that thinks this way, even if he keeps it to himself. The right man will come along and see you for who you are and fall in love with you.

I am a single mother of 2 and I have found its easier to date a single father because they know what your going through raising kids on your own. I think you really need to just be picky and become friends before anything else can develop.

I actually never went through that myself...When I left the father of my two oldest kids and moved back to Niagara I was single and celibate for two yrs before meeting my now husband..So I was never a part of the dating scene after having my kids...

I have run into this problem myself. What I have done is to stop saying I'm a single parent. I love my daughter but don't want some man to mess with her life just cause he wants to get with me. The best thing I have found is to try and be friends with a guy first. If you are comfortable with him then introduce him to the kids. If kids meet someone to soon they could get attached and if things did'nt workout they would be hurt. A guy needs to like you for you. The ones who think you are easy cause you have a kid are the same ones that would think you are easy because you are single. If their scum bags then you want to find out early.