To Spank or Not to Spank, That is the Question

lillake I think we all who have lived through numerous spankings can say that we know the difference between spanking and abuse. And I agree on the bible's being misinterpreted to justify the actions. But if you're going to use the bible as an example you must have read what happened to kids who disobeyed their parents in those days. And it's much worse than any spanking we issue today. If a parent allowed their child to control them back then they were apt to be stoned along with the child. They nipped these problems in the butt and no questions asked. If you need scripture to back this up, I'll provide it. I can also find documentation that proves that children are better off knowing exactly where they stand and having structure in place. There have to be rules, and there have to be consequences or a child feels insecure and doesn't know right from wrong. The rules need to be established early on and enforced when they get out of line. Otherwise they grow up thinking they can do whatever they want and get away with it. I know there are some parents who never had to spank their child and they grew up to be good caring people, but that's not usually the norm. Most children will test their parents and keep testing the limits. If they don't keep the limits strong they will take a mile for every inch they're given. And I'm not saying that every child needs to be spanked. Some children don't do anything to be spanked for and I don't agree spanking them just for the sake of spanking or to use spanking as a power tool to get your own way. But when you have child who is doing things that will cause them to get hurt much worse or to hurt someone else, you have to do whatever you can to stop that type of behavior and I wouldn't always say that spanking is what they need, but if it's all you can do at the time you're not hurting them by swatting their backside to get their attention. If you're lucky enough to have children who listen and do what they're told without spanking or never having to raise your voice at them then you're blessed. I've just seen too many parents being run over by spoiled children and saying their name over and over and begging them to stop and putting too much energy into trying to get them to stop is not worth the effort. You're just letting the child have the upper hand and that's not good for you or for the child. I would rather see a parent take a child out of the room and hear then lightly spanking their behind than to hear them begging a 2 year old to stop doing this, please stop doing that, please don't and all that..Who is the child? I always told my kids, I said now. And if they questioned me it was because I'm the mom and I SAID SO. PERIOD, END OF DISCUSSION.

"power" (snip) "a small child" Children need to understand that they are not in control. If it takes a spanking or two or 50 to get that point across, more power to you. But there is a difference between abuse and spanking. I grew up in a house where spanking was the norm, and yet I know that spanking and beating someone are two different things. I never got more than a few swats at a time and it was never done with a 2 x 4 or anything other than my mother's hand or a wooden spoon. I never had welps left behind and yet I learned my lesson quickly.

Good responses, pro and con, that's what I'm looking for and I appreciate them all either way. And I agree that you can't teach a child not to hit by hitting them. But if a child of mine was about to run out in front of a car, I would give them a good spanking and tell them that I love them and would rather have their butt sting for a minute and remember the discomfort of that rather than have them continually forgetting to look both ways and having to bury them. My first lesson in that came from my babysitter who was an older lady who my parents and I loved dearly. She had taken me with her across the street one day and the lady we visited gave me coffee..It made me feel big, so when I caught my babysitter not looking one day I went over there by myself and had "coffee with Hester". Just to show how vivid my memory is of this, I was three years old, and I still remember the lady's name and how good it was to be given something adults like to drink and made to feel like a big girl. But why I still remember is that I felt the sting of the switch against my legs as "Doodle" my babysitter walked me back across the street, and I knew that if I ever did it again, I might get hit by a car. It didn't make me feel bad about myself or hate Doodle, and the sting of the switch, although painful, taught me a lesson that probably saved my life. I never walked across the street without an adult after that until I was about ten years old. And my dad held my hand everywhere we went until I was 15. Now that's what love is all about.

I think the main thing is that we learn by example better than by speech. How many times did you sit through a long speech class at school? How much of those speeches do you remember now? Did you ever receive a swat on the hand or butt when you were growing up? Do you still remember them? Do you still feel the pain? I don't think you would feel that any more unless it was too severe, then you might have mental anguish over it, but as for a normal spanking for doing something wrong, most of us remember them and can now laugh and say that yes we did deserve it, but we're not hurt over it and don't need to go to a psychiatrist because of it. Did you ever see your parents spank a sibling and decide that no matter what happened you were never going to do what they did and get a spanking? Sometimes parents use one kid as an example to the others so they will see what happens when they get out of line. Have you ever been in the military? In the army if one messes up they all get punished. Is that fair? As comrades you're all in one boat together so whatever one does affects all so they make that rule so that everyone stays as one. And there are a lot of blanket parties because someone f's up too many times. All are punished for one so all gang up on that one and it's "payback" time. We do live through it and we're not the worse off for it. I'm not speaking here about child abuse, that's a whole "nuther" story. I'm talking about discipline and learning how to toe the line and I think we learned it the best way by being made to understand who was boss.

I totally agree with you. I also feel that the reason kids are the way they are today because parents are afraid to discipline thier children by spanking them. Now a days it as seen as a bad thing to do. Kids have come to realize that "oh, I can do whatever I want to and the worst that will happen is my parents are just going to talk to me about it". Kids aren't dumb. Where when I was little we were spanked and we learned quick if we did something wrong we knew that we would get spanked, so we didn't get into trouble. We didn't want to get spanked.

That's one of the many reasons that kids think they can run over parents. Parents need to be respected as the elders and the parents, and they can't gain respect as a parent by pretending to be a child's peer partner. I made that mistake myself when my daughters were growing up. I even allowed them to call me names. Now I'm paying the consequences with grown women who think it's ok to call their mother names and yell at me. Children don't need another playmate, they need a mom and a dad who are strong enough to stand up and be the adults when the kids are being kids. Whether you spank or not, you're not helping them by being their friend. You've got to show them who is the adult and who is the child.

Nobody has ceased the authority from the parents. The main difference is that today's parents are not aware of their authority. They are just busy with their daily life. They treat their children like they treat with their colleagues & friends. Ofcourse they are too occupied for parenting.