if you're a child's godparent, do you have the right to discipline that child?
By moira725
@moira725 (49)
Philippines
October 18, 2007 11:56pm CST
my husband is godfather of his nephew. the boy is 4 years old but is quite a handful. not only does he keep climbimg up and down furniture, appliances (like the refrigerator, TV, etc.), even low walls, but --- he is very disrespectful of his elders. once, we all visited his sick grandpa, he grabbed a handful of grapes, put them in his mouth and then spit them out at us. there was even a time when he poked the eye of his 92 year old great grandma.
we have 6 kids of our own and we discipline them. in fact, friends and relatives have always shown us how surprised they are at how sweet and well-behaved our children are, despite the fact that we have a big family.
my husband is becoming impatient with his godson, and is afraid that he might say something to the boy that may offend his parents. his older brother (the boy's dad) thinks that his son is still too young to be scolded. i, on the other hand, feel that, that smart boy has both parents wrapped around his little finger. both parents are very kind and soft-spoken. i guess that's why the child gets away with almost anything.
4 responses
@davebrown64 (443)
• United States
20 Oct 07
The only thing that I can say here as a godparent to a wonderful young man is that it should be up to that child's parents whether or not I have the right to discipline him or not. The mother of my godchild says that no one has the right to tell him what to do except for her and I understand that as he was hurt numerous times because of his father's actions while he was growing up and how people responded to him. I love my godchild and was ecstatic when I was named his godfather. That was an incredible honor and I will always do what I can to help him and his mother.
When my godchild was younger, I had the opportunity several times to babysit and to take him to different places that he wanted to go. Should he misbehave, all I could do was report back to his mother. I would make sure of one thing though and that was to make sure that he was always returned safe and sound to his mother.
@moira725 (49)
• Philippines
20 Oct 07
i agree. it is up to the child's parents if you should discipline your godchild or not. i've told this to my husband. we've been married for 21 years now and i know how close he is to his brother so, i advised him to just do as his brother wishes. my husband may be the godfather but his brother is the father. i would not want this issue to come in between them.
@jesus777 (662)
• Bermuda
20 Oct 07
hi i am sure you have heard the saying it takes village to raise a child and if he not getting disciplined at home and allowed to get away with whatever he wants to there then someone has to step up to the plate and discipline him because later on im life hes going to mess with the wrong and something may happen to him i do not wish it on him but someone needs to teach him right because his parents are not doing a very good job from what i have read!!!!!
@moira725 (49)
• Philippines
20 Oct 07
hi jesus777!
well, actually, other relatives of the boy, share your views. in fact, even his maternal grandma has said the same thing. she even told my husband to go ahead and discipline the boy.
but i told my husband not to do any disciplining himself because it is still the boy's parents' duty. as i said, they are kind people and like any loving parent, are doing what they think is the best for their child.
@ssh123 (31073)
• India
19 Oct 07
Why do you consider discipline as a punishment. We are all brought up in a disciplined manner, that is an art of living and a skill. A disciplined man needs no comment by others instead one can follow him. I feel loving child is one thing and teaching the child to grow in a disciplined manner is another thing. For a child, learning discipline in life is advantageous for the child.
@moira725 (49)
• Philippines
19 Oct 07
i was not referring to discipline as punishment, rather that the boy's parents would sit him down and talk to him seriously about the consequences of his actions. i always talk to my kids about this matter. when they were younger and if they did something bad, i tell them to put themselves in the position of the other person that they hurt. now, they're sensitive to other people's feelings. as for their cousin, he's now complaining to his parents why his cousins, classmates and other friends don't play with him anymore. they make all kinds of excuses. but the truth is, the kids don't want to be around him anymore because he hits them and yells at them whenever he doesn't get what he wants. there was even a time when he hit my son on the head for no apparent reason. my son was just watching TV and wasn't even in the same room with him. that boy is 4 and my son is 12! as it is, i'm already having a hard time explaining to my kids that they should love their cousin, no matter what.
@raychill (6525)
• United States
19 Oct 07
The point of being a godparent is partially because you will be the childs parent if anything happens to their children. That's one of the most important facts of being a godparent. Of course it doesn't happen that way always but anyway, that's what a godparent is partially.
So in some ways I say no because he's a godparent, but NOT the caretaker of the child.
in other ways I say that if you're watching the child, without the parents around, then you do have the right to discipline a child because you're temporarily the caretaker. however, if he isn't being disciplined by his parents it's not going to be easy for you guys to discipline him.
I'd say the best thing to do is talk to his parents.
@moira725 (49)
• Philippines
20 Oct 07
hi raychill!
my husband and i talked about this situation about his godson, and decided if his brother will air his concern about his son losing his friends again, then he will have a heart to heart talk with his brother. if nothing comes out of it, then he should leave it at that.
like you said, i told him, that unless something happens to the child's parents and my husband and i will raise the boy as our own, he does not have a say in disciplining his godson.
