I cant stand my husbands family.

You know, no matter what you do, it isn't going to be enough........ Why people are so ridiculously stupid is beyond me.....so they don't like YOU, so what!..but, to treat your kids like that is disgusting....the kids have nothing to do with anything and this was for goodness sake, "a birthday party"......and I guess what really bugs me is how they all stick together, like there's only one brain instead of many.....they can't make up their own minds on how to deal with this?..........You know what, it's not worth your time. Next year, or any other occasion, just plan on them NOT coming (if they do, fine), and keep together with your friends and the one's who really care. I wouldn't even talk to your husband about it anymore because you won't get nowhere, he's just defending them. I'm sure he see's it all and knows deep down it's wrong. Maybe if you stop talking to him about this and pretend it doesn't bother you, he'll eventually come around to mentioning it................it's not worth your time and aggravation and I am totally on your side with this.

I have a similar situation with my husband's family. His brother's wife has so many excuses when it comes to family affairs such as our daughter's weddings or bridal showers and why she can't attend. She always has to work even when she is not working. She doesn't need to lie about it as I'd rather hear the truth. I know where she works and also know her schedule. Unfortunately, I lost my mother-in-law 6 months ago and we had a great relationship. I miss her dearly. So I can't really can't relate to in-law issues. I feel bad for you and wish the family could iron out the issues. Makes it hard on the kids too. I can also see where it would create arguments/disagreements with your husband. I defend your feelings.

No need to say your sorry, it's great relif to get things out and vent, I cannot believe that his family would take things out like that your kids, It's there loss that they are missing out on great kids and seeing them grow up is somethng they can never getr back, Sounds to me they are acting like kids themselves

I think you, and your kids, need to expect nothing from your husband's family. If they live up to that expectation, well it is alright. If the shock you, and actually go contrary to what you expect, and do something or say something nice, then you guys will be doubly surprised. I think I would have said something, too, if hubby complained about my mom, but his family was so cold. Other than that, though, I would not bring it up. Getting you and your hubby to fight makes them the winners, and you certainly do not want that. If you do not complain about his family, then he has no reason to defend them, and you both will be much happier. I guess I am saying to just write them off, and teach your kids that they are an example of what you do not want them to be.

that's not right, he is your husband and he is a man so he should be listen to you and be reasonable. some men are like that, they defend their family more than us. but trust me, the only person that he can turn into is YOU. So, why dont you show him that they are blood relate to him but you are his wife, who will spend the rest of your life with him and doesn't matter how poor or how rich or whatever happen, you still be the only one be there for him, not them. My husband was like that too but when I told him that; I might be different from you and your family and I am not the one that you are looking for either, if you think I am then you have to understand family. And family mean you and me, you have to be at my side more than your family side, and I didn't mean or ask you to hate your family but I need you to trust me and give me some valuable, and I need you to understand and listen to me too. we are a team and we need to equal on whatever we do too. Well, it was hard for him to take it at first but now it works just well... He can't say anything when I talk about his family and he can't say anything to my family either. He used to tell this "Dont think too much, just between us and he doesn't care about anybody beside me and him." I understand that it is hard for you to say these to him, but you need to sit down and talk to him nicely... make him understand and you have to tell him that you are not hating his family but you want to be fair and the most person that you want to do this is YOU are my husband... I hope you will be OK... And good luck

im with you. i guess it happens to many family wherein the in laws dont really like each other. i think you should discussed this with your husband, make an open forum about the problem in order to win the side of your hhusband if not your in laws. i hope your problem will not worsen. good day.

Even though I don't have inlaws of my own yet I know how you feel. My fathers family has always been mean to my mother and even though they tried their hardest not to let the kids notice anything was wrong we always did. My aunts and grandmother went out of their way to be mean to my mother and criticize her and all of us whenever they could. Now that my brothers and I are grown up and can decide for ourselve who we see and don't see none of us has any relationship with our aunt or grnadmother. Not to long ago my grandmother commented to my father how none of us come to see her, and all her other grandkids do. My dad told her that she hurt us too much for us to visit her anymore. The time she told us that we weren't my father's children was the last straw for all of us. It is easier to cut them out of our lives than deal with them.

The way I see it is this... if the inlaws treat you like crap, you shouldn't give them the time of day. Invite them to the party, they don't show, that's their loss and their kids loss. Your husband has love for his family and it's a lot of times hard for him to see both sides. In my pre-marriage sessions, they said you should never be overly insulting about a spouses family b/c it leads to fighting b/c they feel like they have to defend them. Instead you should be just "whatever" about them. Don't fight with your husband that they didn't come to the next party. Instead tell him you invited them. When the party happens and they don't show, and he asks if you heard from them just nicely say "nope I didn't hear from them". In time, he will then be able to see their faults. However if you keep pointing out the faults it's just going to cause him to get defensive. Let him figure it out on his own. If you are upset by things they do, don't complain to him - just call your own mom and vent :) I have seen people that never tell their husband about how mean or rude they think his family is, and in the long run the husband started to notice the problems and work to correct them. I have also seen people do what you do and fight it out, that almost always ends badly. You don't sound like the type to bite your tounge, but sometimes it's the best thing to do. As long as they are not physically hurting you or verbally insulting you, I would just bite my tounge and let him see the problems for himself. Of course... you can come here to vent anytime :)

I would go and confront them. Say something like this, "My husband (or your son) and I made up and I can understand you not liking me and thinking I will do it again, but it was a one time thing, but you should not have to punish our children because of what I did." You could mention that your kids are their grandkids and lots of parents deny the grandparents visitation to the grandkids but so far you haven't and if later on you decide to not let them see the children and they petition the court, the judge will see it your way. He will say "all the time your son and daughter-in-law let you see their children, did you maintain contact and show a friendly atmosphere before them," and when they tell of the separation so many years ago, he will say, "visitation rights denied." Threats can sometimes work.

I don't feel close to my in laws either. I don't know why. but my husband and I love each other and we agree that it is us who matter to us, nobody else does. It's not like we never argue, but we never get to the point where we separate. When you left your husband, was it because of his family? If it was, I would think twice to return if I were you. He was born into his family, he wouldn't stick up for you more than he would for his family. If his family caused you problem enough to make you leave, you probably shouldn't have returned until they are ready to accept you back because it seems this is the only way he will. He seems to lean more to his root family rather than his own family. it's strange especially now he has kids already. I don't know how you can stand this, if I were you, he would be history.

At my dilivery time husband family member did not come to hospital to see me and my baby.I was in trouble but they never give me suport and not help me. So I cant stand my husbands family.

Firstly, never apologise for having a moan! that's what we are here for! Secondly, I understand how you feel. I'm newly married, only 9 months and my mother-in-law can be a real nasty piece of work towards me sometimes. We recently visited her when we were back in the UK (We currently live in Germany - hubby's in the army) and she completely ignored me. Apparently, I;m not good enough for her little boy. Seriously, I just want to tell her to cut the apron strings sometimes!! She also ruined my wedding day by getting plastered, telling the whole wedding party about my husband cheating, had rows with practically everyone and told me the only reason he was marrying me was because I was pregnant. Well, I wasn't pregnant so I have no idea where she got that idea from. I completely sympathise with you. I have never been made particulary welcome with his family, and to be honest, I don't care. I have my man and we're not even living in the same country. I know many people aren't that lucky, but you must be the bigger person and just remember, they aren't worth it!

I think some people have a very hard time forgiving, especially when someone hurts one of their children. Your leaving 2 years ago, probably hurt their son, and of course, they would never see any side to it other than his. You worked things out, came back, but they can't get past the time that you left. That's really unfortunate and makes it hard for you to ever have a good relationship with anyone in his family. I think they are wrong for treating you like that, but the bigger issue here is how this is affecting you and your husband. To argue with him over it is just hurting your relationship. No matter how wrong they are, he will always feel he has to defend them. He is caught in the middle, he has a wife and children he loves, but he also has his parents whom he loves. If they bad mouth you, I'm sure he feels he has to defend you or your kids, but if you find fault with them, he can't help but defend them. It would be hard I'm sure, but I think if you were the bigger person, and swallowed your dislike of his family, and acted loving toward them (even if you don't feel it) it would only raise you in your husband's eyes. He would love you even more if he saw that you were forgiving and understanding and willing to treat them with respect and act lovingly toward them. And eventually, they may come around because they would see this attitude in you and would see how much your husband loves you and appreciates you. To keep fighting over them will only drive a wedge between you and create more animosity. Have the attitude with your children that says, "Yes, I know what they did, but that's just the way they are and we love them anyway!" and they will grow up learning to be more forgiving and loving and will not treat others the way your in-laws have treated you.

Your husband's family is YOUR HUSBAND'S FAMILY and that's that!!! In South African black communities we have what we call ILOBOLA, which is the money that the groom pays for bride which is virtually used for the wedding and is mainly there to build relations between the two families. Despite that exercise these in laws still have the cheek to treat the poor woman as an outsider no matter what she tries. Let your husband deal with them and that includes inviting them to your functions and he can be the one feeling disappointed at the end. The minimal interaction you have with them the better especially if you live far apart from one another. Its a struggle for us woman to get accepted by these families and we must strive not to let history to repeat itself as I am a mother of boys. Don't try to befriend the sisters, don't call them, keep your distance and you will maintain your sanity!!!!

You always seem to have some family, that are like that. It seems his whole family is. I am sorry. The kids will pick up on this soon and when they ask questions, I would pack them up and take them to them and let them explain to them. My mother-in-law is like that with my son that is in a wheelchair. She also treats all of her grandkids differently. She definitely has favorites.

I tried with his family for 2 years and they were never anything more than "cordial to the new girlfriend" type of behaviour. Then, when the sh!t hit the fan in his family and HE was the one to get thrown in the dirt for it and I was kicked aside, at the same time that we got engaged and his parents never even said a word about it, much less a "congrats" or "how can we help", I told him straight out that I want nothing to do with them ever again, period. If he wants a relationship with them, that's his business, I refuse to see or speak with them. And I haven't for over a year and I don't intend to for many more to come.

Don't feel bad...your not the only one. I don't get along with Hubby's family either. Thankfully they live far enough away that I never have to see them so it works out for us. **AT PEACE WITHIN** ~~STAND STRONG IN YOUR BELIEFS~~

i can totally identify with your situation. My ex-husband and I used to fight about this same situation all of the time when his family was involved. My daughter is not a blood relative of his family, and his family certainly doesn't like me. For one christmas all the grandkids got nice gifts, like remote control trucks, baby dolls, and so on, my daughter got a stuffed chicken from the dollar store. My daughter (and secretly I am proud of her for doing this), threw it down on the ground and stomped on it and ran off. Even at three she knew when she was being screwed over. Anyhow, believe me when I say this, when you marry the man you marry the family. Your husband is probably always going to take a side until you put him in your position. Next birthday you make him put out the invitations and do all the hard work, and when his family doesn't show up, call or anything, then just don't say a word. I would also say, well, your family gave absolutely nothing to our child, my mom's gift may be a little late, but at least she made an effort. Not much can be said for that.

Girl, I am sorry, moreso for your children than for you.. you are an adult and realize that htere are ppl out htere like that. I personally think that your husband should say something to his family. Even if he thinks it untrue, as a husband he is suppose to stand up for you and that includes how you feel. You obviously feel hurt and angry at his family...honsestly I would be too. The next time you have a party invite only those you know that will show up. Family doesn't have to be blood related. If they want to complain then, just tell them they didn't care when...... I can tell you this now, he feels he has to defend them bcuz he too afraid to say something. Remember this those that matter don't mind and those that mind don't matter. Good luck... And if you think htis is good advice please add me as friend. I am a great advice giver.

hi life, i dont think you can change ur husband and As the cliche goes, "blood is thicker than water". Your husband will always take his family side, no matter what. I think it's better if you just shrug off your shoulder and never care about their family. I know it sounds silly, but you can't change their attitudes. also many a times they can be right too..