Mid-life crisis took me 3,000 miles away from home

Well I didn't move to a new country, however at times it felt like I did hahaha. I moved from way down south to way up north, 1600 miles. I too had ended a long marriage, but had lived on my own for a year. My youngest daughter stayed with her dad ( she had gone to school with the kids there since 2nd grade and was 16), and I was only 2hrs away. Then I met a wonderful man, and him moving was not an option.So I packed what I could and moved the 1600 miles. I missed proms, her winning top honors at the livestock show, birthdays, etc. But, I haved stayed in touch with phone calls, emails and snail mail, we send pictures and she knows I'm happy here. All of my family lives there (Texas) except my oldest daughter who is 6 hrs away. I never felt the guilt that you seem to be feeling, but then again, I knew this is where I belonged. For some reason, I get the feeling that you really didn't think things all the way through, moving to a new country, having to learn their cultures. And from the way you express yourself, I have to ask, is it all guilt over being away from your son, or is it that you actually aren't happy with yourself and your decisions to be with your new husband and your move?

I applaud you for seeking the happiness you deserve. Why didn't you take your son with you? I have sons ages 21 and 17 and I wouldn't go so far if they didn't come with me and I know my 21 year old wouldn't. I just don't know if I could handle being away from my kids even if I was happy otherwise. Still, I am sure your son knows you are happy now and weren't before and holds no ill will against you. Nothing we do is ever "right". It's just the best we can do with what we have. I know I, too, would feel very guilty if I left and went so far away but, if it was the right thing for you, then your son is happy for you, I am sure.

I did the exact same thing only not across any pond. I moved from one end of the US to the other...from Boston to California and left my then 15 year old son with his Dad, my ex. After I was gone about a year I tried to get him to move out there with me and he did come to visit but he wasn't happy there so he went back to Boston with his Dad. I visited a number of times because I also had a daughter and my mother living in Boston. Two times that I visited I didn't go back to California and stayed in Boston for over a year before going back. I eventually came back for a visit and stayed. I've been back 10 years now and am happy I am. The guilt I was feeling just got to me even though I know he was being well taken care of.

In all of our lives, we always wish we could go back and do something differently. There is a reason you decided to leave. You had to save yourself. When you are happy and fulfilled as a human being, you set an extraordinary example for your son, know this. Your son will be happier and more at peace now, knowing that your happy. We as parents feel the anguish of our decisions exaggerated. I'm sure he would have a different opinion. As long as you are in constant contact and he knows you're thinking of him, all will be well. I hope you will transfer your guilt into peace. You really have made the right decision. :)