My family is making my life miserable!
By ladysurvivor
@ladysurvivor (4746)
Malaysia
October 22, 2007 11:22pm CST
I am sorry if my subject title is too rude to some of you. Maybe some of you think I have no manners, but today I am so freaked out that I decide I should write this into mylot and share my feelings with all my dear friends out there. I
First I would like to say that I am very grafeful to have you all as my friends. Without you, I think my life would be much less meaningless. The reason I say this is because I can never share anything which involves emotion with my family members. Thank God my husband is not like one of them, even though he's forgetful all the time at least he is trying his best to show how much love is important to survive.
If you are in my situation, I think you will go crazy. Lol. Believe me, you would not want to be in my situation. My family members are the most selfish people in the whole wide world, that I couldn't imagine other people who would have the same attributes which they possess.
All of them - my parents, siblings and in-laws. None of them are sensitive to care about how I feel. They always make me feel like a useless person when I hang around them. Today I really hate them, though I know this feeling will pass but heck, today I really hate them. I can't tell you what they had done to me, because this is a very sensitive issue which would jeopardize their dignity if I tell you about it. But the point is, what they did really hurt my feelings.
I have to stay with my parents for the time being because my husband was terminated and is now waiting for a job interview next month. During this time I have nowhere to go, I can't stay with my husband because we have moved our things to my parents house, and he is just there for another week before his job ends. My brother and his wife, though they are now no longer live here, but they seem like always sticking around here. It's like they didn't moved out at all.
They are treating me like an unpaid maid. God, I hate them, and I really do. If I have a choice, I would leave them all forever and never return. But for now, I don't have a choice and I have to face this dilemma which turns me into a deeper depression.
Please dear friends, I hope to hear some comforting words so that I can survive to live here for the next one month (approximately). As soon as my husband gets his new job, we are going out of here. But before that happens, I just need something encouraging so that I can continue to survive in this hell house. Lol. That's what I feel now, for sure.
Thank you so much in advance for any supporting words from you all. With love, this is me ladysurvivor.
6 people like this
26 responses
@plumwish07 (4057)
• Indonesia
23 Oct 07
my dear friend ladysurvivor,
as like your nickname here which is ladysurvivor, you should show them that you able to survive to face the condition at now. i m terrible sorry to hear that. sometimes, it just make nonsense if our own family able to treat us like that. we just seem a stranger to them. its quiet difficult to think but some in case, it happened in this world.
i also not close with my own family coz they never showing their caring and attention about my life. just dont feel depressed and sad, dear. Remember that a beautiful pearl made by pain of oyster. without any wound or pain, its impossible to produce a beautiful pearl. however, dont let your feeling getting hurt so much. noone cant hurt your feeling unless you permit them to hurt your feeling. your emotion is your own managing, none can involve it ;) :) so, be cheer-up!!! i believe you able to face this hard situation. You put in these situation coz GOD knows that you able to manage it very well : lots of love and warm hugs from here.....^_^
1 person likes this
@ladysurvivor (4746)
• Malaysia
23 Oct 07
I think today I am tired of proving to them that I am worth to be with them. I no longer think I have to prove anything to win a right to be with them. Families are supposed to support, and not to destroy. But my family has been destroying all my self esteem and all my trust towards them. This is the day when I declare that I am tired. I don't know about tomorrow, maybe I'll change my mind but today it's enough of proving.
Being away from them makes me peaceful and happy. But now that I have to be stuck with them I feel like living in a hell or in a prison. But yeah, you're right. Nobody can make me feel sad if I don't allow it. I guess today I just want to fret out so that I won't keep things inside my chest. I believe after I have poured everything out I will feel much, much better.
Thanks for believing in me. Even though we have never met, and our friendship has just started a few minutes ago, you are a lot better than my family that have been with me for 34 years. Lol. Lots of love and warm hugs to you too. Love you, and sincerely from my heart I wish you good luck, all the best and I pray God bless you forever.
@visitorinvasion (7709)
• United States
23 Oct 07
I was with you on the selfish part about the in laws.
Mine are horrible to my husband and kids. We stopped talking to them altogether after the deaths of my father-in-law and brother-in-law.
Thank God I don't have to live with those people!
I would go crazy, heck, I'd probably go lock myself up in the mental health clinic just to get away.
I don't know you well, but from what I have read in your posts and responses, you seem to be strong. You're right, this too shall pass...and when it does, throw a party!
I'm sorry your own parents are treating you badly.
1 person likes this
@ladysurvivor (4746)
• Malaysia
23 Oct 07
Just now I had typed a long reply to your comment but unfortunately it was all gone to due a problem in this PC. Anyway, I want to express how glad am to read to your post, it made me relieved and think that I am not alone in facing this problem. Thanks so much, thanks for giving me a motivation today. I hope you are okay in handling your problem with your inlaws. I agree with what you do to your inlaws. Ignore them, and avoid them as much as you can. Lol. Take care, and luv always.
@nishdan01 (3051)
• Singapore
23 Oct 07
I pray that you get out of this situation. Feeling sorry for you and it is an odd situation. Try to pray often that God may provide strength and help you. May gOd grant the desires of your heart. I would suggest you to find a job anf help your husband in this difficult situation. It is not going to be your situation for long. So trust in God and in yourself. Do not loose hope and self esteem.
I would suggest you to read the articles from experienced people in the section of Helium.com
"Testimonies: My company downsized, I was laid off, and I have landed on my feet" .
Paste the above title in helium search engine and read all the articles.
@ladysurvivor (4746)
• Malaysia
23 Oct 07
Thanks a million for your encouraging words.. I am relieved and grateful to have a sensitive friend like you. Yes, this is indeed an odd situation, and I believe God is testing me now to see whether I am strong enough. I often keep things to myself but this time I can't keep it inside anymore. Some things just can't be tolerated too much, or else it would eat up inside me. Lol.
Nishdan, thanks a zillion for giving me the helium article to read. I will read it as soon as I have completed replying to all other comments posted in this particular topic. I hope too that God will help me to find a way, and not to lose hope and self esteem. Families are supposed to be backup, but in my case they are the backbone destroyer. Lol. That's all I can say about them.
Thanks again, wish you all the best in life and take care. Love, ladysurvivor.
@sudiptacallingu (10879)
• India
23 Oct 07
I understand what you are going thru. Few women like to live with their parents after marriage and when you have a husband too, its all the more insulting. I know the people you are talking about, we all see them everywhere irrespective of whether they are from your own family or from your in-laws. Money is a big draw always and the person who can flaunt a fat purse is the biggest attraction everywhere. And a woman whose husband has the riches, is respected and welcome everywhere too. Anytime you stay anywhere without adequate money, expect to be treated like a doormat. People will treat you with contempt for the little money you have. So your only option now is patience. Whatever, don’t nag your husband about it. as it is he is preoccupied enough with his own troubles, no need of adding to it. have patience, pass the bad days as best as you can, and once you move out, don’t look back. And yes, next time you have some extra money, try and save it so that you don’t have to fall back on relatives again.
@sudiptacallingu (10879)
• India
29 Oct 07
I am glad you have understood my response in the correct perspective. Even parents who are financially dependent on their children aren’t treated well! So whatever you do, try not to be financially dependent on anyone throughout your life. Everything else falls into place automatically.
@ladysurvivor (4746)
• Malaysia
27 Oct 07
I appreciate your advice in this matter, and thanks to make a perfect conclusion to my situation right now. At first it feels like a sharp slap on the face, but after giving it some thought what you are saying is true, so there's no reason for me to feel so bad about it. I am lack of money and I understand that people will look down on me. Saying "expecting people to treat you like a doormat when you stay anywhere without adequate money," make me alert and realize even more.
@subha12 (18441)
• India
23 Oct 07
it is very sad to hear that.
I think although rare, still there are some families where someone from their own family is treated very badly like you.
But i guess is it their problem that you are living with them when you husband has no job or they were insensitive to you like this always?
Try to have a clear discussion with them.
Best of Luck.
@ladysurvivor (4746)
• Malaysia
27 Oct 07
Well, actually they have been treating me like this all the time. They are well off to do, and I am the poor one, my husband earns a descent life but with a low income so they always look down on us. They never look on our good and positive attitude, they only measure on how thick in the bank note in our purse. That's a very sad thing to think about, more sad that they are my family and not outsiders. But they are still them, and they won't change no matter what. I know them so well that I am sure 100% they are impossible to change their attitude and opinion about how life is supposed to be. So what to do? Lol. Anyway, thanks so much for the wishes of "best of luck". May god bless you and give you all that you wished for in this life. Luv, ladysurvivor.
@ufo_thexfiles (723)
• Malaysia
23 Oct 07
Hi,
I have been the same as what you have faced. But I can feel that your's one worser than mine. Nevermind, you'll be okay soon.
This is my words;
No matter how hard the dificulty is, just faced it with patient.
It is hurt to wait for the day you leave them, but it is not hurt if you think of how to make them stop hurting you. If you find a way to make them stop hurting you, and make you a bit happy in the house, you will not feel it is a very long month.
I have a quote from the famous Thomas A. Edison:
"I haven't failed. I just found 10,000 ways that cannot work."
I hope you'll what I mean. I suggest you to not to keep feeling hurt, but I suggest you to take it as a challange. Don't give up. Don't lose to the challange. And you will be satisfied at the end. Beat them!
God Bless you.
@ladysurvivor (4746)
• Malaysia
27 Oct 07
Wow. I am shedding my tears now as I read your words. I feel a sudden strenght as I read line by line all of your encouraging words. Thanks a lot, thank you so much. I really am having a mixed feeling right now but what rose above all is I know somebody out there do care about me, and you are one of those. Yes, I will remember what you wrote here. I will never give up. I won't lose to the challenge. And I will be satisfied at the end. I'll beat them!
Thanks again, so many many thanks. God bless you ufo_thexfiles. I pray for your happiness always. Take care.
@ufo_thexfiles (723)
• Malaysia
29 Oct 07
My pleasure. I'm happy that it helps you.
Stop thing of the hurt feeling and start your plan to bounce back.
Don't give up, you can be failed but it is part of analysis and being mature.
Good luck.
I'll pray for your success...
@suspenseful (40192)
• Canada
6 Nov 07
I do not know how someone, your own family and in-laws can treat you that way. I do think you should help around the house, but you should volunteer, not that you should be forced to do it. And since you seem to suffer from depression, and no doubt you had something bad happened to you when you were young. I do hope that your husband gets a job so you can move out. Even living in a one bedroom apartment or a trailer would be better than having to be made to feel miserable.
@abi1005 (194)
• Philippines
23 Oct 07
hi there ladysurvivor..i was never in your situation but i do understand your sentiments. don't allow them to pull you down. go on with your life. stay as strong as you are. just don't mind them. at some point in their lives, they will come to realize evrything they've done to you. i wish you well my friend.
@ladysurvivor (4746)
• Malaysia
27 Oct 07
Oh... you are so sweet. Thanks so much abi1005, I owe you one here. You make my day a little much better today, knowing that there is a person like you who is loving and caring. Take care, and have a nice day.
@thyst07 (2079)
• United States
23 Oct 07
I kind of know how you feel. I also have a family that is not supportive of me. They're fairly well-off financially. I also have an older step-sister who is incredibly successful in her career and has more money than she knows what to do with. Then there's me. I'm a dirt-poor college student. No matter how hard I try, I can't seem to find a decent job in this market. I live in the second-cheapest apartments in this city, and I'm perpetually broke. And my family? All they can do is compare me to my older sister and criticize me for not being as successful as she is.
Everyone tells you that families are supposed to be a wonderful thing, and you should love your family and stick together. Unfortunately, for some of us that just doesn't work. Don't let people tell you that you're a bad person because you don't get along with your family, because that's just not true. And, hard as it is, try your best to let your family's crap just roll off you. Don't take it to heart, because it's more a reflection of their character than it is of yours. You can try letting them know how you feel and asking them to be more considerate if you think it will help- but if not (as is the case with my family), just do your best to let them be and stay out of the way of their negativity.
I wish you and your husband the best of luck in finding a new job and a new place to live. Hopefully, a happier life will be on its way for you soon.
@ladysurvivor (4746)
• Malaysia
23 Oct 07
Yeah, I always feel like what you are feeling too. I am a graduate but I don't work because I am not capable to. I am confessing today that I am having a health problem which prohibits me from doing 9-5 jobs but I am able to do it according to my own time (which no company wants that in a worker and that's why I am not hired till now).
Well at least now I know that we both are in the same boat and that makes me feel not alone anymore. My parents are also the same with me. I can still remember when I had to collect coins of five cents just to buy gas for my husband to go to work and to buy food for five days before he gets his next salary. But my parents never cared about how we live. My parents are wealthy, but they never want to share and I guess that makes me distant myself even further away from them. I am deeply hurt by this and I think as is I am an adopted child or a child that they regret giving birth in this world.
Anyway, thanks for your wish of luck to me. I hope my husband will get his job soon. I pray to God for you too, for your kind words and encouragement that I can feel it is purely sincere for the heart. Take care, thyst07. God bless you.
@ketybhagat (4123)
• India
26 Nov 07
Dear Friend, remember this simple line.
THIS TOO SHALL PASS AWAY
When things become very difficult, say this to yourself. Bad days never last forever and when they do last, they seem forever. Do assert your rights also. Dont be too meek just because you are in your parents house. Be bold and tell them off when needed. You need not act like a punching bag or a carpet to walk on. Hold your head high and give back at times. It is only the meek people that people tread on. May you find happines and may your husband get a job soon. Amen. Keep your head held high and keep smiling. Sing aloud and laugh a lot even if it kills you. This will keep them in line and guessing.
@taskeen (19)
• India
23 Oct 07
really you are in a very awkward position . only thing i can tell is that life is like a game of football . any time you have atleast one opposition to dodge and its tiring as well . life is never easy my dear . if it would be then whats the difference between us and angels , they probably lead a problem free life . even i had been in such positions several times in my life . best thing i found out is to just ignore and absorb the situation by not reacting and be as indifferent as possible . i mean thats the best antidode . ok so cheer up now .
@ladysurvivor (4746)
• Malaysia
27 Oct 07
Yeah, you can say that. My life is really in an awkward position, Lol. However, after some days now that I am a bit more relieved, I feel funny how I ended up in this situation. I believe everything that happens has a reason behind it. And I believe that God has a way to test me, and this is one of his way to test. As I breath a deep breath inside my lungs, and let go of the carbon dioxide soon afterwards, I realize that I am soon to pass this situation. I just have to be patient, and really have to try to calm myself. Thanks so much, taskeen, for opening my eyes and made a realization on how awkward my position is right now. Take care.
@marabdl86 (615)
• United States
23 Oct 07
I know exactly how you feel!. When i was a kid my mom left my dad because he was cheating. We ended having to stya with my moms mother for about a month, atleast that's what we planned. anyways, we stayed with us and she watched our every move. we couldn't even get us somethign to eat because we felt so uncomfortable. We had a thing planned for the enxt day where it was just me, my mom , brother, and little sister we were goign to go to the lake. Well my grandmother commanded we stay home for the day. I got fed up with her and yelled out " we got soemthign planned let's go!" My grandmother blew up at me and started calling me names. My mom finally wisened up and said " lets get the hell out of here!" and we left. We didn't have nowhere to go and slept int he car and traveled around COlorado looking at it's beauty. it was so beautiful all we had was each other and din't have notthing, but we were happy. everythign worked out int he end. We got a low income home and lived there by ourselves. My dad eventually came crying back to my mom and she brought him back. Just one event in my life.
I wish you notthign but the best and keep your head up. people don't relaise when someone needs help, you DON'T TAKE ADVANTAGE of them. how would they feel if they were int eh same boat?! Your brother should tell his brother off, maybe then he'll start being better. It's weird soem ppl just can't understand kindness. Wish the best for you :)
@ladysurvivor (4746)
• Malaysia
27 Oct 07
I am sorry it took me some time before I responded to your comment. I just hadn't the chance to get any access to internet until today. I am sorry to hear about your life, but glad that in the end it all turned out to be just fine. Yeah I guess whatever it is I have to stand and live on my own and not to depend on others. That's what my husband has been telling me too, and both of us has agreed to find a house as soon as possible. My husband is in the same shoe as I am. He couldn't stand living with my parents and all of them. There are too much pressure! Lol. I am relieved and thankful to you, to give a pleasant and soothing words and now I am much, much more ok. And yeah, I agree with you totally that some people just can't understand kindess. To you, all the best too and god bless you always. Take care.
@navincp123 (442)
• India
23 Oct 07
hey get a grip of urself dear....even i am goin thro a very bad patch in my life...but i no tat ter is no 1 i can depend on..i hav to find a way out by myself...but pouring out ur grief lik tis is the best way to lighten ur heart...i ll surely pray 4 u...
take care..
prove tat ur a true ladysurvivor....
@ladysurvivor (4746)
• Malaysia
27 Oct 07
Whatever... but thanks for saying something positive in here, I need as much of it right now. Seems my world is spinning above me, and I am lost of directions. I need to make myself calm, so bad. Anyway, I am not going to prove anything. I am what I am and if they can't see the good qualities in me, that's too bad. Nothing to prove, nothing to prove.
You take care too, all the best.
@cobradene (1171)
• India
26 Oct 07
This very much looks like an Indian family to me. Am I right? I have seen this so many times. And it really irritates me to the core. That too, the present day Indian society, once to they marry their daughters off, they think she's somebody else's property. Is it because she has shared her bed with another man? It's the same blood from her parents. Why is she treated like that? Even women should be given equal respect. But daughters are always treated like as if they don't belong to the family. That's so sickening.
Don't worry, things will be fine soon. And the best thing would be, you should also find a good job for yourself, so you wouldn't have depend on them anymore. Take my words, people don't respect even blood relations because they want only money. As long as there is no money, even parents don't love their own children. They think children are a burden or a shame to them if they don't earn money. Money is essential, but more than money it's love and support that counts. But today, the greed for money has blinded every single human being. They have forgotten their duties of love and respect.
@jeanniemay (1798)
• Philippines
24 Oct 07
Indeed, you are a lady survivor. Having able to have that long patience is one thing adorable of you. I can say that you are a great person.
See it differently though, try to make them like what you do. If you are gone they will miss you like hell. Funny but true. Do everything you wanted them to do but don't let yourself be a victim to the situation. Do only what is necessary or called upon that you can offer them. Not too much that you can't bear.
Good times are not always theirs so give it to them. Surely, they will miss you.
@barehugs (8973)
• Canada
23 Oct 07
My feeling is......you have bottled up so much negative emotion inside.. You are about to explode! I'm sure if you could let it go, share it with someone, or otherwise get away from it, you would feel much better. I wish you could have shared it on myLot. Also its very unhealthy to hold feelings of Hate. This will eventually affect your health in an inverse way. Try to see the Perfection in the situation. Imagine yourself out in the cold and wet without shelter.Then try to feel gratitude towards your relatives. Be thankful for everything thats positive in your life. For instance you are healthy and able. You have a good husband. Change your attitude and your world will change for the better.
@chym1101 (169)
• China
24 Oct 07
hello, ladysurvivor. It is sorry to hear all of you. I can feel what you feel, though there is full of love in my family, my parents and brother love me so much. Love is mutual, and one palm sounds nothing. So you can show your care to them and talk with them to express your feeling, they are your parents and siblings, why not they accept you? The blood in your bodies are the same!
If it is useless, you could transfer your attention and leave them alone. You should think that it is temporary for you to live there and endure as much as possible. You can go to visit your friends or to find some jobs to do. Do what you like will make you feel well.
After all, you have a good husband. And you should help him more but not complain to him. Cherish what you own now. And have happy days! Everyone has some time unlucky and wish you can get through it quickly!
Good luck!
@mintchocolatechip (14)
•
23 Oct 07
I think I can fast forward the clock a little bit for you, ladysurvivor. I was in a similar situation about 18 years ago. My family was just unbearable to me and finally, the only thing I could do was walk away for good - that was the plan anyway. I can't tell you if it was actually better or worse, because for many years I felt a tremendous amount of grief, anger and bitterness. We had virtually no contact from any relatives either. It was a very lonely time even though I had my own children, husband, friends, and work. However, my anger kept me from reconnecting with them. I managed to begin new traditions with my own family, and the amount of time I thought about the rest of them gradually lessened.
Seventeen years later, I was divorced and remarried, living much further away. I placed the wedding announcement in my hometown newspaper and received a nice card and gift from my mother. I can't tell you why, because I don't know, but I suddenly no longer felt bitter. Perhaps it was all of the things I'd been through in the recent year, or seeing how close my new husband was with his family, but I decided to respond in kind. This past summer, on a visit home, I met with my mother and sisters (my father had passed away in the mean time). I was afraid it would be very awkward and weird, but it wasn't. No one brought up the past, no one showed any anger. It was far more pleasant than I ever expected.
I suppose my advice is this: take care of yourself, but realize that over time, people and relationships can change. I would hate to see you experience a far more difficult situation by walking away forever.
