Honestly, can you forgive and forget..........................

hi ellie26 i would forgive people if they did that jesus forgave me so need to forgive people. thankyou for your discussion

AS a man, I dont think that I can say that to my partner. I cant take to see her being hurt by the words that I know I can no longer take back even if I say sorry. Maybe because this man is different. It maybe because of different culture. Your friend, I think knows it a little, its up to her , if she would just allow him to do that or talk to him and say what she feel.

I think its very difficult to judge the human psychology. Just by hearing or reading something like this, most of the time it is not possible to understand what that person really means. I think in this situation your friend must be the best judge as she can hear he words her husband says. If a person is angry and in anger abuses someone, whatever it must be ,it is taken for granted that he means someting. Those words are outburst of his inner thoughts.

Hi ellie. Well, if the husband does it because he's angry that is reasonable enough to forgive him and forget all the words he said. But ofcourse he have to tell her that he is really sorry for saying those words. But when a man or a husband always do those things like whenever there is a little problem and he is making it big by saying insulting words, well that's really a problem in a marriage. Maybe that is the only time that she could decide to divorce him. But then again marriage is not that easy to finish specially when they have kids. Still, the togetherness of the family comes first.

People said that you must forgive and forget and then only things will be back to normal. To me the forgiving but would be something easy for me to do but the forgetting but, I found it to be almost impossible. As for this case, my worry is that starting from just verbal abuse, things could end up with physical abuse especially when someone can easily said or get away just by saying things were done intentionally out of anger. The fact the a person have problem controlling his or her anger is something that should be taken seriously. Both of them should try to have some sessions to discuss things openly and if that failed, the next step is to engage someone such as, as per your suggestion above, a marriage counselor. If that could not take place or failed as well, then I do not see any point where two people who could not resolve things together should remain together. I would agree with the divorce option, just like you said up there.

Hello, I know that for me it is a very hard to forgive. I can only forget, but not forgive till the end. I will always remember what the other person did to me and my relationships with this person will never be the same. I never give the second chance to people who betraied me once or did any other harm to me.

well, if its the 1st time... i will for give that person... but if he always been like that for a long time.. i'd rather be devorce with that person even if i really care about him so much

WEll, I think in that your friend should talk to his man. I dont know what race of this man is but maybe in their race that is something ordinary. I really dont know what to advice in this situation. But I think she should talk to him. Ort you are right, she should consult some expert in this case. Because our advice would might be taken in wrong way.

Mental abuse is very hard and to say whether it can be overcome lies with each one of us who has experienced it because we are the only one who knows how we feel and what we can deal with. I no it is truely hard to both forgive and forget but it can be done just not all the time. There has been some things in my life that i have been able to do both and others i have been able to forgive but forget i dont think i ever can. You can bury it as deep as you want but it keeps on coming back for more. Also to me mental abuse is more damaging then physical can ever be on somebody.

I pretty much never forget, whether I forgive or not. But that's me...and I guess I'm fortunate to not be a minority so I don't get insulted for that sort of thing. But I do not allow people to insult my personality...because it's who I am too. In that respect I don't think anyone should be married to anyone who insults who they are.

If I love him, maybe I can forgive and forget, but if it will done repeatedly thats another story. But even before marriage your friend should have known the character of his boyfriend. Thats why I still believe on long engagement so that more or less you will know more about your future husband. As I said he can file a divorce if really the same thing will be repeated.

hi! i think the wife should not divorse her husband that is natural that you say bad words if you are angry and she should forgive especially if her husband ask forgiveness a nd sorry for what he has done wiorng to her wife. you should forgive somebody who has done wrong especially he or she accepted that he or she have done wrong.

It is so hard to forgive but in order to heal ourselves we have to forgive. Keep in mind that forgiveness does not give them carte blanche to again do the act that hurt you. Keep in mind also that forgiving does not mean you forget the behaviour and that you allow it to happen again or that you do not need time to heal. As christians we sometimes get lost in the perspective that if we forgive we do not hurt anymore. This is not true. Dirfferent cultures handle things differently and for one culture it might be okay to do some insulting or respond is a specific manner where as in another culture it is not. When you combine cultures in a marriage it can often times be difficult to navigate these waters and not be offended. Just because someone offends you a few times is not grounds for divorce, if it is consistent and no one is making the effort to change I would start with counseling and go from there to see how it can be worked out. Mental and emotional abuse are very real and often more painful than physical abuse. Each person responds differently and thus counseling would be a great benefit.

Hi Ellie.. for of all.. we all know that human are not perfect.. We also made mistakes time by time goes by.. Especially when we got angry and emotional, right ? Think about this.. and when you made a mistake, what do you do ? do you apologize ? and when you apologize to someone, what is best response do you want from him/her ? Everyone want forgiveness and learnt from our mistake.. He made mistake by his emotional.. do you want to made mistake too because you emotional too ? Divorce is not the answer as long as you both love each other.. Learn to not seek perfection, because you will not find it.. Waiting for your comment about this too.. :)

I think whatever was done to your friend was uncalled for and is very disgusting. A husband does not get a RIGHT to abuse his partner, even if he is angry. Insulting one's partner is really deplorable and very shameful. Your friend should show a bold approach and can tell her husband that this kind of treatment is not acceptable. If he does not mend his ways and continue to insult her...then she can tell him that ...it can lead to break in relationship or say divorce. Best of Luck to your friend.

if your friend's husband keep doing like that in every arguement,divorce is the best choice for her because she is facing and living with a dangerous phyco that never know what he will do if next arguement happening,maybe he will slash your friend with a knife,after that request forgiveness and repeat it again and again!

it's easy to say you can forgive and forget..i agree with you that you suggested to your friend to consult a marriage counselor, it can help her to think of the right decision..in a marriage life, for me divorce is not the answer, i think you need to have an open communication to your partner so that you will know what's in his mind..

Offcourse its bad to abuse something in this manner as it hurts so much and pains a lot..If iam in this situation i would have felt very bad but never take any decision in this emotional time..But this is marriage and your friend should decide whether she can continue her life with her husband forgiving and fogetting the past.i feel he can be given a chance..as i will deal in this way ..forgiving him ..and opt him with a chance..

yes...you have to forgive to forget......

it depends i guess. they probably need to see a counselor or something, and the husband should learn how to control his anger and not to say hurtful things. if it happens very often, i wouldn't be able to stand it as well. but are they still in love with each other? if yes then divorce would be hard. think they should try to find a work around first, on how they can solve this issue before thinking about divorce.