Parents: What Are the Toughest Things You've Experienced/Learnt as Parents?
By ailema4ever
@ailema4ever (2668)
Finland
9 responses
@taskata10 (627)
• China
29 Oct 07
Hi!
I have been a parent for six years. When my baby was born, he was very soft all over.So I didn't know how to take him in my arm. I was afraid that I would hurt him. Before my kid was three years old, he often had a temperature. One time, my kid had a temprature. My wife was very anxious to ask me to take him to the hospital. His temperature was 38.5 degrees. Because I had something els to do. I let her take him to the hospital by herself. My wife was very angry with for my not very worrying about our kid. Now I'm very sorry for it.
2 people like this
@ailema4ever (2668)
• Finland
29 Oct 07
Hi, taskata!
Yeah, my Dad was also afraid of holding me when I was just a newborn baby 'coz of the same reason he he he...Sorry to hear that your kid used to have a fever a lot. I can imagine your worries!!! Oh well...we live we learn...all of us make mistakes, we can only learn from them. ;-D
@gtargirl (5376)
• United States
27 Oct 07
I think one of the hardest things for me was to let go. My daughter is 19 now and wants to move out. I want to keep mothering her, but I need to "let go." She can make it out there on her own, I know she can. Also, I've got to stop doing my son's homework! LOL.
2 people like this
@ailema4ever (2668)
• Finland
27 Oct 07
Hi, gtargirl!
Letting go, eh? Yeah, it must be tough, 'coz even though I'm not a mother yet, I've had a hard time learning this lesson he he he...
WHAT?!?!?!?! You still do your son's homework? LOL LOL LOL!!! Yeah, I guess you better stop that too he he he...
1 person likes this
@ailema4ever (2668)
• Finland
27 Oct 07
Ah, the teenage years...Yes, I've heard about this too. A lot of patience and understanding? I'll remember this. :-)))
THX for sharing, carolbee! ;-D
1 person likes this
@lecanis (16647)
• Murfreesboro, Tennessee
27 Oct 07
I think the toughest thing I've had to learn is that I am entering territory where I know nothing. I am so used to being able to study and learn about things, but all the parenting books give conflicting advice, and many of them say things that don't fit with my own honor code. So I'm finding that I have to play it by ear and make it up as I go along, and that's hard for me.
The other thing that has really made me sad and been a challenge for me is realizing that my son isn't going to have any extended family he can count on. So many of the kids I know talk about time spent with grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. Even I had great-grandparents that I was very close to. However, since all of mine and my husband's living family are people who abused us, we'll never be able to really let them have a relationship with our child. We might let them see him while we are present, but he won't get to visit and things, and I'm sure he'll want to know why someday.
2 people like this
@ailema4ever (2668)
• Finland
27 Oct 07
Hi, lecanis!
Ahhhh...so parenting = learning by doing, eh? I'm sorry to hear about that your family and your hubby's are people who abused you. :-(((( Yeah, I understand that you wouldn't let them have a relationship with your child.
Well, I think there are still good people out there whom your son can be close with. Sometimes blood is not thicker than water. So I hope your son's life'll be rich by warm and loving people other than the two of you even though they're not your extended family. :-))))
1 person likes this
@gr8life (6251)
• Malaysia
30 Oct 07
Hello ailema4ever,
Very interesting! It makes me wonder why do you really interested to know about parenting tips? Want to reveal a secret? *laughs* OK, back to your question. As you know, I have a 14 months old big baby boy - mixed parentage from two different continents *laughs* We love to argue how to raise our only child, at this very moment. My husband wants him to be taught to be independent though he is still young. And me, as an Asian woman, always being overly protective. We always argue since I like to start everything with the word "Don't..." but my husband likes our baby to explore and learn whatever he finds interesting. Right now, we are arguing which language he should master first : English, Bahasa Malaysia or Russian language! I know that he is still young but time passes very fast! *laughs*
Having a child also taught me to be more patience and learn how to give and take especially whenever I need to deal with my husband. I also realize that time management is very very important factor in my life as I have to divide my time for my husband and son, extended family, friends, work and the least that gets my attention is time for myself *sighs*
1 person likes this
@gr8life (6251)
• Malaysia
1 Nov 07
Hello ailema4ever,
I think right now I have two big babies. The daddy and the son act almost the same. Maybe your friend is right. I am not sure who comes first : the daddy or the son but I think the daddy is more dominant than the son right now. I am having a headache every time both of them start to make my life upside down *laughs*
@ailema4ever (2668)
• Finland
1 Nov 07
Hi, gr8life!
HE HE HE HE...Two big babies, eh? Yeah, I heard that a lot. That friend I was telling you about also referred to her hubby as a big baby hi hi hi hi...LOL!!!
So the daddy's more dominant than the son right now? Yeah, it can be pretty confusing for the mother he he he...
1 person likes this
@ailema4ever (2668)
• Finland
30 Oct 07
Hi, gr8life!
He he he...I just thought it'd be a good discussion topic plus I get to learn lots of things from parents out there. ;-D
Interesting info, esp. 'coz you married a foreigner. Different ways of upbringing, eh? I assume I'm gonna have similar problems, too, 'coz I was raised in Asia.
When it comes to languages, I've read lots of expats who taught their kids two languages...so for example the mother speaks to the kids only in English, whereas the father speaks to the kids only in his native language...thus the kid's bilingual since he/she is small. When it comes to the national language of the place where you live...the kid'll learn the language pretty quickly after going to school.
But you're right...it's not an easy decision to make, but I THINK if I have kids later on, I'm gonna speak to them in English and I'm gonna let them speak to their Dad in Finnish.
THX for sharing about learning patience and how to give and take and time management. I also heard from a friend of mine who's a mother and who has a full-time job that after having a baby, the baby comes first and she comes last. I sure do hope you get to squeeze in 15-30 minutes of your day or week to yourself! 'Coz we all need our time alone, esp. for mothers!!! :-D
@blueunicorn (2401)
• United States
27 Oct 07
I think the hardest thing I've experienced as a parent is that I am not always in control. No matter how hard I try I may not be able to get through to my daugher that her attitude is a poor one at the moment. I can't change that. Also, when she is at school she picks up so much that I have to turn around at home. It is frustrating! I am really used to being able to work at something until it gets better. With children, they are their own person even from the beginning. You can never change people, the only thing you can do is encourage.
1 person likes this
@ailema4ever (2668)
• Finland
28 Oct 07
Hi, blueunicorn!
I LOVE your nickname here he he he...I LOVE blue and I LOVE unicorns he he he...
Anyway, THX for sharing your personal story. Yeah, I can imagine how quickly kids absorb anything from the outside world: school, friends, etc. You're right, though, about changing people. Nobody can change anybody else who doesn't want to change.
1 person likes this
@ailema4ever (2668)
• Finland
28 Oct 07
Ahhhh...a blue unicorn tattoo, eh? COOL! ;-D
1 person likes this
@blueunicorn (2401)
• United States
28 Oct 07
Thanks! My name comes from the tatoo I have on my leg. It is, of course, a blue unicorn.
@roniroxas (10560)
• Philippines
27 Oct 07
my children are no 16, 15, 13 and 11. and i have A LOT of experience that made me so strong and understanding. as of now i am a single parent so it makes it more difficult on managing time on family and work and for myself.
i can go on all day just telling you the toughest experience and what i learned but i will give you one. when my third born was just 3 years old she was crying and i was inside the bathroom. we are still living with their dad back then. then i heard her stop crying so i think it was okay. but as i went out of the bathroom their dad rush our third born to the hospital. she fainted because of too much crying. as i reach the hospital the doctor told me that my child was Dean on Arrival but luckily they revived her. i almost fainted too when i heard that. from then on i make a point to see what is going on when my children when they are crying. i was really scared.... scared of losing one of my children. thats the reason why when i decided to bring them all when i planned to leave their dad. i didnt leave any kid behind. for me even it is hard to feed and to raise them alone it is okay as long as we are all together and i can see what is going on with them.
@ailema4ever (2668)
• Finland
27 Oct 07
Hi, roniroxas!
Oh dear...that experience of yours is really something!!! I can imagine that you almost fainted, too. THANKS for sharing this story! I'll remember this for later when I have my own kids.
Yeah, being a single parent must be tough, esp. for four kids. GOOD LUCK and God bless you!!!
@roniroxas (10560)
• Philippines
28 Oct 07
it is really something and that is only one. having a lot of kids has a lot of experience enclosed with it. but as the song said you live you learn. i have a lot of experience with my children. some are funny and some are crazy. some are alarming and some are great that made us more close to each other.
@ailema4ever (2668)
• Finland
29 Oct 07
Hi, youless!
Yes, I know that parenting is the most difficult job in the world he he he...Telling your kid not to do something and having to explain it, eh? Yeah, it sounds tough. THX for sharing! ;-D
@ayou82 (3450)
• Philippines
3 Nov 07
As a parent I learned that prioritizing your kids and giving them enough time and you play with them is the best thing that a parent should do. Give them the attention they need. I learned a special lesson from my son he gets upset whenever he is calling me to see his work and i just ignored it and he is really upset bigtime.
So i give time to listen to what my kids say from now on. Because they mean so special to me and i love them dearly!
1 person likes this
@ailema4ever (2668)
• Finland
3 Nov 07
Hi, ayou!
THANK YOU for sharing your personal story. Glad you have a good relationship with your kids! I'll remember your words about giving them time to listen to them when they need me. ;-D
@ailema4ever (2668)
• Finland
4 Nov 07
HE HE HE...THANKS for your well-wishes, Ayou. Right now my plan is to learn Finnish first, then plan about having a baby afterward he he he he...;-D But I also don't wanna wait too long 'coz I DO want to have kid(s) someday. ;-D
