If an old friend suddenly stopped talking to you, what will you do?
By irajohann
@irajohann (95)
Philippines
October 26, 2007 10:40pm CST
If a friend stopped talking to you for some reason that you are not aware of, and after three years of not talking, she started sending you text messages (SMS), what will you do? We've been friends for more than four years and for some reason, she started ignoring me. I tried to talk to her before and sent her messages by e-mail, SMS, any means of communication, but she just ignored them all. I asked a common friend to try to reach out to her or at least let me know what went wrong, but she declined to be involved. As far as I know, I didn't do anything wrong. After three years of not talking, she started texting me without explaining what went wrong before. I wanted to ask her about it because I know that I had to explain myself to her if ever I did something to hurt her, but I think it's not a good idea since we just started talking. I am not sure if I should still talk to her about it or just let it be.
2 people like this
12 responses
@cobradene (1171)
• India
27 Oct 07
It is a pretty awkward situation here. And I know the ego will not accept it. And surely, had I experienced the same thing, then I would have asked for an explanation for being ignored for such a long time. There must have been some misunderstanding or some mistake on my part. But some people are really egoistic not to clear the misunderstanding and just shut their friends out for sometime. So it depends how your feel and just take it natural and see where it leads. Personally, I wouldn't let my self-respect down for such a treatment. I would surely demand to be respected and put them in their place.
1 person likes this
@irajohann (95)
• Philippines
27 Oct 07
I honestly appreciate your response and everything you said made sense. I really want to know why she ditched me because I know that I deserve an explanation. At the end of the day, she and I will have to decide if we can go on as friends or just be mere accidental acquaitance from college.
1 person likes this
@irajohann (95)
• Philippines
27 Oct 07
I really appreciate the effort to convey your sentiments about my current dilemma. You had a few mistakes, more on the use of verbs, pronouns and a bit on the grammar. But I hear you loud and clear... =)
1 person likes this
@zamm13 (363)
• Philippines
27 Oct 07
I can actually relate to your situation Irajohann. Well, it also happened to me. It really made me disappointed because she was not just a friend. She was my bestfriend. But she suddenly stopped communicating with me for years! The reason? She fell in love with someone. I am telling you, when it comes to friendship issues, I am a really sensitive person. And if some people will decide to get out of my life, they should never come back because they will not be welcomed anymore. I guess some people will disagree or will not really like my stand. But this is me, this is my stand. Think of the fact that she left without saying a word, without asking you how you are doing. Without even saying hi or hello in a month, not even once, once in a year, once in four years. Respect was not there, not even a courtesy. But it's really up to you.
@ayumitakashi (4462)
• United States
27 Oct 07
I agree with BrookeHaun you should casually bring it up. If It was me I would always be thinking about what happened that made her act that way. I would definetely try to keep trying to find out what happened or if not you might always have that in the back of your head. good luck with this!
@irajohann (95)
• Philippines
27 Oct 07
Yeah, you're right. It will always bug me not to understand what happened before and I know that talking to her will always be uncomfortable until we discuss it. But if I talk to her, will it still matter? I can't assume that after our talk, we will still be friends.
@ayumitakashi (4462)
• United States
28 Oct 07
Yeah but in my case i would take the chance. Because if i know i didn't do anything then there should be no problem of talking about it.
@aowaow (1516)
• Indonesia
27 Oct 07
The decision at last is still up to you. If you don't want to curious, go on, you may ask her. Since asking her is not a wrong thing to do. She might open the cause, but don't fall in self-fantasy, because it might affect your questions to your, and the conversation would be had a bad end. Try to be as neutral as you can, don't make a conclusion by yourself first, ask her just like you really don't know why.
Good luck.
@irajohann (95)
• Philippines
27 Oct 07
I've made assumptions as early as the time I've heard about her problems with me. It didn't do me any good and I think I am way past that phase. What matters to me right now is to know what her reasons were.
@goodsign (2287)
• Malaysia
27 Oct 07
Accept the reconciliation session moderately and the relationship must carry on. If she asked for meeting, of course you have to attend the appointment date. And just give a reason that you are really busy because you are now mylot member and enjoy sharing discussions with mylot members.
If she respond to your reason, make sure she will be your next mylot referral. Fair and square.
@irajohann (95)
• Philippines
27 Oct 07
..This is the most cunning response I got from this thread/discussion. It makes a lot of sense but I am not sure if I can pull off a stunt like that... =)
1 person likes this
@diansinta (7544)
• Indonesia
28 Oct 07
I have one friend that pretty the same like yours. She stop calling me and stop sms me. And suddenly she just sending IED MUBARAK sms to me. just plain text and no heart asking how am i condition or how am i doing now.
irajohann, this my friend, i think she a little bit jealouse about how i can survive my situation and how i live in Bali island and meet the western people.
She always think that this life is a big competition.
May be something you have that your friend don't
may be it is?
@circuscat (76)
• Australia
27 Oct 07
I wouldn't worry about it too much. Some people just lose contact with each other. I would bring it up in conversation though it could be as simple as "I was busy with school, family etc." Maybe she just thought of you out of the blue and went "I wonder how she's doing"
ANyway be glad she's talking to you again :)
@irajohann (95)
• Philippines
27 Oct 07
Yes, after three years, she thought of me out of the blue and thought we can just pick up where we left off. ;) Now, it just made me doubt her sincerity. I appreciate your view though.
@brew2x (3094)
• Philippines
28 Oct 07
Because you've just started talking to each other I suggest for you not to bring up that topic (YET!) If you became as close as before then I guess that's the right time to talk it over and set things straight. Just be casual about it since it is a thing of the past. What matters now is the present. You still have to talk about that so that you will find some answers to some of the questions in your mind and also in order to prevent that situation from happening again =)
@CatsandDogs (13963)
• United States
28 Oct 07
If it were me that this happened to, I'd have to ask her outright because it would bother me to no end and I'd be wondering what her alterior motive was. A real friend doesn't blow a friend off like that. A real friend would be out with it and tell what was wrong instead of hiding. Hiding is childish and that's exactly what she did. As for the others that wouldn't help you out, they aren't much of a friend either. They let you go on knowing that you're hurting inside and not help you one bit. That's not a friend. A friend helps one another. So after you ask your friend what went wrong or what happened, take the friendship with a grain of salt and play it by ear and see where it goes. Don't be best friends with her anymore for she could do the same thing later on.
Good luck!
@EZhang (165)
• Singapore
27 Oct 07
You know, you shouldn't even bother talking to this so-called friend at all. He or she ignored you for close to three years without an explanation and then suddenly out of the blue, decided to contact you once again. This action proves that you're like an item, more than a friend. She only comes to when something good is going your way or when he or she can make use of and then suddenly ditched you when the going gets bad. There are a lot more people to meet in life, go on out and make some new sincere friends and forget about this cold person. Mine didn't contact me for close to 4 years, despite me sending emails, sms and letters. Suddenly, out of the blue, she sms me asking to borrow 500 dollars with no explanation of anything or any kind. I ignored her sms, deleted her email from my address book and go on with my life. I don't really need leechers to live off my life, money and emotions.
@irajohann (95)
• Philippines
27 Oct 07
Hahaha! In fairness, my "friend" did not sms me to borrow money or anything but I like you're view of the whole situation. There are a lot of maybe's at this point and only she can set everything straight. Hopefully at the end, we can still consider each other as friends.
@brookehaun (233)
• United States
27 Oct 07
I would keep talking to her, and then casually bring it up!! I mean how do you not talk for so long and then talk again and not discuss what happened? Or ask where they have been, or them do the same to you? I find it odd that you tried to communicate and then recieved no response? that's the only problem i see with situation. i would definately want to know what went wrong!! Did she have a boyfriend or go through something life changing like having a kid or something like that? because I know when i had my son who is now 3 i cutt a lot of people off just because i was way too busy, and I am just now getting together with all of them now, but I was going through something they didn't understand at the time?
@irajohann (95)
• Philippines
27 Oct 07
Hi brooke. As far as I know, she did not undergo any "life changing experience" while she was giving me the silent treatment. We had common friends and they said that there were series of events that happened between us and she was offended by my actions. Although I didn't know what these events were, I still tried to e-mail her just to know how I offended her so I can at least explain my side. We were roommates in college (for about 4 years) but instead of talking to me, she just shrugged me off. You know the best part, she told everyone in our group the reason but everyone said nothing and did nothing... =(. That's what hurts me most. If I talk to her about it, I am not sure if its to save what's left of our friendship or just to appease myself. Right now, I feel uncomfortable talking to her.
