Comforting the Grieving:What to say and what not to say?

I think it is more like 'would you' engage in the likes and dislikes of the deceased around members of their family, friends and even colleagues . . . probably not if your moral compass is working well. When a person is grieving it is very hard on EVERYONE associated in some fashion to the deceased person, but not in the same way for everybody. I studied 'grief & bereavement' for by baccalaureate degree in traditional psychology and found what irritates most grieving persons is to be told, over and over again, just how incredibly strong they are and that everyone knows they can get through this !" I, as a non-licensed clinical psychologist but practising spiritist, think this is the worst advice a relative, friend or someone who knew this person--could give in case the person is NOT feeling that strong nor that capable of letting go. What then ? Now you have given them a terrible guilt feeling that in their weakness they have failed somehow, and that is totally NOT THE CASE RESOLUTION, at all. So yes when comforting the grieving be as empathetic (standing in their shoes, feeling their hollowness, pain, remorse, guilt--whatever), as possible and be there for them. No lectures, no advice, just "BE" . . . sharing the light, Miss Erica Hidvegi, the Enlightenment Advisor,B.A. Ursuline College Psychology (spclztn in Child Dvlpt & Abnrml Psych), M.A. Atlantic University-Transpersonal Psychology Studies- Cnslng/ Author, Artist, Photographer, Entrepreneur and Freelance extraordinaire http://www.enlightenment-psych.net/mineralherbspa.htm