Can you trust a spouse who has cheated?
@Armyofficerwife (27)
United States
October 29, 2007 1:43pm CST
I have a question for all out there, married or single, divorced, or widowed. Do you think it's possible to every really trust someone who has been unfaithful to their spouse? If you married someone that had cheated before, either with you or with someone else on their spouse, is it possible for them to never cheat again?
"Once a cheater, always a cheater" is the cliche' so often heard. Most spouses I know in this position never truly trust again. Please share your story of how you have overcome this situation.
2 people like this
11 responses
@healwell (1268)
• Ahmedabad, India
30 Oct 07
Trust is a thing, who ever has in real sense, never leave it!What ever happened with them, they are not going to cheat and they will never stop to trust others; who have cheated before, even the spouse!There is also one saying that if you have real true trust tyhen it will affect to the cheater connected with you and cheating is done to you!THE TRUE AND REAL TRUST PROVIDES YOU FREEDOM FROM OWNERSHIP AND SO YOU UNDERSTAND OTHER'S FREEDOM TOO!
@healwell (1268)
• Ahmedabad, India
30 Oct 07
well I am talking about trust and its deep understanding, which could be more clear to get through from any kind of cheating!
You mean to perticular relationship: man -woman! I can understand your point of view regarding cheating and breach of trust but my saying this:
WHO HAS THE REAL AND TRUE TRUST WILL NEVER COUNT THE CHEATING AND JUST GO AHEAD WITH TRUST! THIS MAY BE IDEAL SITUSTION BUT I CONSIDER THAT RELATIONSHIP HAS UPS AND DOWN ALWAYS BECAUSE OF INDIVIDUALITY AND CIRCUMESTENCES AS WELL AS SITUATIONAL HAPPENINGS AND WHAT SOME TIME WE ARE IDENTIFYING AS CHEATING MIGHT COME UNDER THIS KIND OF SITUATION! AND SUCH THING NEVER TOUCH THE REAL AND TRUE TRUST HOLDER! BECAUSE FOR SUCH A PERSON TRUST IS THE MAIN THING CONSIDERING LIFE AS WELL AS POSSESSIVENESS AND RELATED THINGS SOME TIME TAKING THESE THINGS VERY EMOTIONALLY BY INDIVIDUALS. THAT'S WHY IS IT HURTING AND COMES FOR A BREAKING!
SECOND THING I HAVE HAD PUT AN EMPHASIS ON THE EFFECT OF TRUST OVER THE OTHER CHEATING PERSON! WHO EVER S/HE IS BUT THE REAL AND TRUE TRUST HOLDER'S POSITIVE VIBRATIONS WILL TOUCH THE GUILT ONE AND CREATE AN INSIDE WALL TO STOP THE PERSON FOR CHEATING AGAIN!
I think it would be now clear to you!
@Armyofficerwife (27)
• United States
30 Oct 07
I agree that trust is an essential part of any relationship, but if your partner's past behaviors is a cheater, and YOU are one of the ones he cheated WITH, do you not think it's naive to trust him or her blindly?
This is why I wonder if a person can ever be trusted not to cheat again, and the reason I asked my question.
@Armyofficerwife (27)
• United States
30 Oct 07
I'm trying to follow your comment, but I'm having a little difficulty in doing so. Are you saying that if a person trusts a cheating spouse never to cheat again they won't?
I know you can never "own" another person, and they will do as they choose. My question is can you ever trust one who has betrayed trust by cheating to never repeat that behavior? What if someone cheated more than once like my friend's husband I described above?
@maybebaby (1230)
• Canada
30 Oct 07
I don't think that I could ever fully trust someone who has betrayed my trust so much as to cheat on me. Everytime they were 5 minutes late coming home I would be thinking about wheather or not they could be cheating again. I know that there are lots of people who say that they can earn the trust back, but I don't know if that's entirely true. Would it not be in the back of your mind at some point even if you didn't want it to be? There are a lot of people who stay together after they find out their spouse has been cheating on them, but I don't think the relationship could ever be the same as it was before the affair.
@Armyofficerwife (27)
• United States
30 Oct 07
also would anyone agree that past behavior is the best predictor of future behavior?
@mimpi1911 (25464)
• India
8 Nov 07
Hi sweetie,
I think, in any relationship trust and respect is more important than love. We have to nourish the plant by watering it with consistent love, care, trust, understanding and respect. At the end of the day, we all are humans and that demands certain committment from our respective partners. Had my partner cheated on me, I would not have forgotten it ever and that would possibly enhance the rift between us. I would rather move on in life. who knows what and who awaits me!!
smiles...
@MarieJ23 (1040)
• United States
30 Oct 07
Absolutely NOT! When my husband will cheat on me then that is the end of our marriage. I won't certainly give another chance to a cheater. If he did it once then there is no reason that he can't do it again. You are right, "cheaters are always a cheater".
@nanclie (73)
• China
30 Oct 07
My husband also want to konw what I think.Sometimes he asks me,"dear,what are you thinking?"At that time I answer him,"nothing."He doesn't believe what I said because I cheated him a long time ago."Once a cheater,always a cheater" is right in my opinion.In other words,I don't want to cheat him again,but he doesn't believe my again.Especially he feels something strange,he must ask me what I did for him although I did NOTHING.In my husband's eye,I AM A CHEATER FOREVER!
@Armyofficerwife (27)
• United States
30 Oct 07
So how can you overcome the distrust of your husband? Do you think it's possible? Did you go to marriage counseling? I see you don't want to cheat again, but do you ever feel like you've been accused and you might as well do it?
I am sure you are very sorry that you cheated, and are trying to make your marriage work with your husband. This is one reason that I asked my question, is it possible to get past the affair, and if so, how did you do it?
@stacienicole (80)
• United States
1 Nov 07
My husband cheated on me. He had a relationship with another lady for about five months. He met her through a friend he had at work. Well I found out and it was rough. But we talked it out and I truley trust him now. He did alot of things to make me feel comfortable and trust him again. Now I dont know about the never cheating again. I really think the temptaion is so strong. Not only for men.
@candiec2005 (828)
• United States
30 Oct 07
I also believe in that cliche' of "once a cheater, always a cheater". Why? Well because I believe there are 2 kinds of people in this world: 1). the loyal kind and 2). the disloyal kind.
Personally, I have never cheated in any relationship. If I love someone, I can't even conceive the thought of cheating on the one I love. That's why I also believe that those who cheat aren't really in love with their spouse or whatever. And if that point does comes that I am no longer am in love and feel like cheating, guess what I do and have done in the past? I break the relationship. It's only fair.
Therefore, no I do not tolerate cheating more than once and I would not be with someone who has a history of cheating. When you cheat, you break the trust. And when the trust is broken, it can NEVER be the same again. It takes so much for me to trust a person, and when I do trust that person and that person betrays my trust, it's OVER FOREVER! On that very same day that person ceases to exist in my eyes.
@stacyv81 (5903)
• United States
29 Oct 07
Well, I think that first both people must decide that staying together is what they both want to do and dedicate themselves to that. The one who cheated should be like an open book, telling the whens and wheres of what they are doing for a while until some trust can be redeveloped. On the part of the one who was cheated on they should realize that they have made a decision to stay with the person regardless of the act they committed and it is now their cross to bear and they shouldnt keep bringing it up or make it a life sentence for the other person. I think relationships can be repaired from this, but it will take A LOT of work and dedication on both parts! =)
@angemac23 (2003)
• Canada
30 Oct 07
If a spouse cheats once, he will do it again but jsut hide it better next time. I would not trust a spouse who cheated.
