Does certain types of infertility make one want to be childless
By suspenseful
@suspenseful (40193)
Canada
October 29, 2007 4:13pm CST
I was going through the posts and it was about having children or not. One of the responders said that she and her husband had been trying to have a child, but she found she could not - a medical problem, so they tried to have a child by adoption but that fell few, so she said that now she is happy without children and that her pets are her children.
That got me to wondering whether it was the effect of infertility to the woman who made her less desirous of wanting children and that it soon evolved in her not wanting children or thinking they were a bother and in most of the adoptive cases it was the man who was sterile and the woman could have had children if she were married to another.
Another reason I ask was due to a low grade std that continued for over ten years, and resulted in excessive scarring of my tubes, I was unable to conceive after my marriage, we adopted, but when I had to finally get an operation due to cysts, I lost my emotional warm feeling when looking at babies. I love them all, but my face no longer gets warm and my heart no longer pumps fast, so I thought it was a physical result that was left over from our distant ancestors that maybe kept women from being hurt that they could not conceive. And since I saw the symptoms and their results and since I was able to not go into the hate child mode, I knew that this is what was happening.
Any thoughts on this?
5 people like this
7 responses
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
29 Oct 07
If that is true , then I must be a freak of nature because I can carry a baby and I don't have any desire to be a mother. I never had.If it was only a physical thing, then all the women that don't want children , wouldn't need birth control and abortions wouldn't be needed.And all the women that want kids, would be able to have them.It isn't a given that a woman will want kids if she can have them.Or that since you want them, you will be able to have them.
1 person likes this
@suspenseful (40193)
• Canada
30 Oct 07
So there could be no connection or it could be in a person's mind. I have to find out if it is true or not.
1 person likes this
@rickyrich (149)
• India
30 Oct 07
Hi, Your problem is more psychological then physiological. As being Doctor, my experience says that it is your own defense mechanism. You are hating children coz you can't conceive.
My dear friend...first of all you accept the fact. Think of people having lots of problems though they are living. Never compare yourself with other. World is full of diversity. If everybody thinks of other then they can't able to live.
Don't live with pain, that what you don't have, but live with pleasure for what you have.
1 person likes this
@suspenseful (40193)
• Canada
1 Nov 07
I decided to cure it by being around children as much as possible. That has now taken away my indifference. In fact, I even took to babysit the children at our Bible Study and found I loved it. And one time, I was sitting in Church with a woman who was visiting and she had her little boy with her and I had one of the warm fuzzies happening. So I guess God was giving me a substitute. Oh I hope it is permanent!
@rickyrich (149)
• India
1 Nov 07
Of course GOD will hear you. I too is Christian. If you are talking about God then keep trust in Bible- The word of God.
Take an example of Abraham and Sarah.
All the Best.
I will pray for you. If any good news, don't forget to tell me.
1 person likes this
@secretbear (19448)
• Philippines
30 Oct 07
if i discovered that i am infertile, i'd probably be devastated. but i think i'll recover from it and i would consider on adopting a baby. i would still be excited to have a baby even if it wouldn't come from me. even if it will be disappointing that i wouldn't be able to experience the pain and joy of giving birth, i think i would just think of myself lucky because i wouldn't have to experience such ordeal. as they say here in our country, when you're delivering a baby, your one leg is in the grave. ^__^;;
1 person likes this
@nancyrowina (3850)
•
3 Nov 07
I suppose if you have less hormones being produced for some reason you would feel less maternal. i have a hormone imbalance and don't go all "funny" when I see babies though I like them seeing one doesn't make me want one.
Some women have no fertility problems but just don't want children so there must be other things that can cause this type of feeling, just human beings all being different I suppose.
1 person likes this
@suspenseful (40193)
• Canada
4 Nov 07
It could be partially how you are raised. If your parents do not mention that you are wonderful with dolls and never mention that when you get to be a grownup, then you will meet a nice young man who will marry you and you will have a little girl or boy, then that does have an effect. It is if they already programmed your life to b be a career woman. I fought against that. I always wanted children.
@newzealtralian (3930)
• Australia
30 Oct 07
I never thought I would have kids due to re current miscarriage. when I stopped trying, I ended up with 4 in 5 years! lol. I was happy with my cats and birds, but a baby made my life even more complete. Sometimes, all it takes is a quickie once a month or so! lol. Some people are happy enough and others not. Sad, but sometimes that is what life deals to us.
1 person likes this
@suspenseful (40193)
• Canada
1 Nov 07
I was hoping for a miracle. I still am. I come from a long lived family, that is, if we eat right, and I would hate to live for another forty or more years with the knowledge that the only child I bore was when I was a young and foolish girl who got herself pregnant as a teenager and gave her away for adoption.
1 person likes this
@newzealtralian (3930)
• Australia
1 Nov 07
If you gave your baby up for adoption for the right reasons, and by that, I mean what was right for you as well as the baby, then you did a very brave and loving thing. I am adopted and I know that my mother was very young and under a lot of pressure from those around her. It turned out to be the best thing as I grew up away from the problems that continued to plague her and her family. As for wanting to have one yourself, that miracle could still happen. Maybe you need to stop trying for a while, let your body let go of some stress about it and try again. My fingers are crossed that you will have your own baby one day soon.
1 person likes this
@suspenseful (40193)
• Canada
1 Nov 07
It was just that a few years later, things got better for me, but I kept thinking that because well, it was not the spur of a moment, he was so persuasive, promising me marriage, that I gave in. I did try that not worry, but to me, not worry means I really do not care. I thought the God was punishing me because I was not overcome by my emotions, then I thought HE is punishing me because I should have kept her. After all, had my boyfriend visited me there and gone to see my father and stepmother, things would have been different. A mechanic's job would not have paid that much, but it would have been work.
1 person likes this
@bearman19870228 (3)
• China
30 Oct 07
maybe a baby is important for a family,but i belived that we can have a nice life without baby,eventhough i only 20 years old,but i won't want to have a baby after married.
@suspenseful (40193)
• Canada
1 Nov 07
It could be that even if you could get pregnant, that there is something in your body that has been damaged and if that is repaired, you will probably want babies, but so far no one has checked up on this. I hope that the scientific community will find that there is a physical reason.
@ElicBxn (63594)
• United States
30 Oct 07
There is, to the best of my knowlege, NOTHING that could've prevented me from having kids, except my own desire to NOT have them. I don't like kids, I have never liked kids, I stayed away from men (not that I like women you understand) because I didn't want to have kids.
You will be happy to learn that I never did have kids & now have every reason to believe I couldn't if I wanted one - tho WHY a 50+ yr old woman wants to start a family is QUITE beyond me - I sure don't!
1 person likes this
@suspenseful (40193)
• Canada
30 Oct 07
I come from a long lived family, one of my great uncles is over one hundred years old, and my maternal great grandmother lived to be in her nineties and she was poor and did not have the best of food. Anyway age is a number. The only thing is when we adopted our boys, I used cloth diapers and I might have a problem getting used to Pampers if by some miracle, I got a baby.
