Tired of being fat

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I joined the gym last week to go to classes. I signed up for a "class only membership" (meaning I can't just go in whenever I want and use equipment etc, I can only go to the classes.) It was all I could afford but it doesn't lend itself well to my schedule. I'm usually only able to make it in 2 or 3 nights a week because of work. I got on the scale for the first time in a long long time tonight. I weigh 195 lbs. I hate that. I'm so fat. I was fat all my life in highschool. I was 225 lbs my senior year. I never really cared about my weight enough to change it. I was like a size 22 in jeans About 4 years ago I began the low carb diets, atkins, south beach, etc. I got down to 124 lbs and a size 7 in jeans. I lost like 90-100 lbs in about a year and a half of diet and excersise. But the carb diet is so restrictive that i become bored. I do not like much meats to begin with. Like my parents were 7th advenists so I was raised not to eat pork. I don't like the taste of most fish. And I don't like weird gamey meat like deer or rabbit. So I was limited to beef, turkey, tuna, or chicken. And since the food couldnt be fried it was so devoid of any texture it felt like greasey slabs sliding down my throat. I think I lost so much weight because I just stopped eating . I ate ONLY when I was hungry because there was no pleasure in food. The taste of the meat, eggs, and even cheese left a horrible heavy greasy nasty feeling inside my mouth. So when I got down to a small size I went off my diet. Now 2 years later I've gained back almost all the weight. I have tried again to do the low carb diets but can never stay on them long. I decided to use sparkpeople.com and count my calories and fat intake, staying at or below 1200 calories a day. I did that for about a month or two and did not see any results so I became discouraged and went off. I'm trying to count calories again and go to the gym as often as possible. I worked out for 2 hours today and stayed within my calorie goal, but it's so hard. I hate feeling so unatractive, It's getting cold weather here and I can not find any jeans that fit comfortably, all the cute jeans are hip huggers and I just dont have the right figure for those types of clothes anymore. So frustrating. Anyone else struggling with weight issues?