How to express my feeling?

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Feeling is sense which tell me whether I like it or not? Whether is a good sense or in the opposite. I had been moody for almost a week to go... see I had been depress, I had no idea on what am I going to do and even what am I doing rite now. Just wonder am I able to handle so many problems at the same time? The answer is 'NO' else I won't be depressing here rite now. Previously I had been blaming from someone so call 'idiot', I admit, I hate to blame from others as I dint did it. After awhile I had been calling from my parents for accompanying my auntie which not ale to visit them which quite far away. While all the date is set and ticket was bought. What a surprise, my class will start a day after my trip. The class supposes to be start only few days after I came back from my trip. What am i going to do? After a discussion with my parents and auntie, finally I had solve it but I had been polished and nagged from them. I want them to understand that nothing i had done wrong in this situation. I will feel better is someone can apologize or at least understand my feeling, but it seems to be no... Ok, it seen to be settle down. I had been asking the same question from my granny everyday. where is 'TS'? Why he dint come to our house today? You two dint go out yea? 'TS' is my friend which recognize from secondary school. what are the problems is a guy visiting a girl's house everyday? We close doesn't mean anything rite? He visiting me just because I'm too free at home and he had nothing to do after his class. Everything come together just like pushing me into deep sea, everyday like searching my soul, my smile turns fade and sound turns down. I really need someone to understand my feeling and not someone who get me into trouble. Last night i received a call from my best friend which asking me did you saw 'xyz' today? her mother is searching for her... While that time is already few minute to go 12midnight. she is someone that responsible and wont be goings out until that late. 8 or 9 something for her is consider as late. Her parent and boyfriend is searching for her. After worrying almost for 2 hour, I received a sms from my friend said that she had been safely arrives home. Thanks god that you were safe. She don't want to answer my call and even reply me message. After a few message asking her condition and thanks god you were safe, in the end in the end I received her message which contain "haha,TQ". I'm wondering, what am I worried for? am I worried too much for her? I can't move even a single step, just like 2 big heavy stone is tying on my both leg. I want to move, I want to escape from this situation. I dint ask for someone which not recognize me to be nice with me but at least not blame on me. I dint ask to have a rich family come with luxury car, I only need family which understand my feeling and situation, I only ask for their care and understanding, thats what I need. I'm not asking a friend who came and thanks me for praying for your safety, I'm not forcing her to tell me everything about the incident. I want her to know that friends will always beside you no matter what happen. I want to talk with someone... but who's going to listen? I need to express my feeling...but how am I going to do so? I want to SCREAM... I want to CRY... I want to KILL MYSELF!!!