Why do children shift their parents to OLD AGE HOMES?

Most men are kind and generous towards their parents. It is only after they get married, they tend to listen to their wives. The wife considers her husband's relations are not her relations, only her relations she tries to entertain most. This happens in most cases, not all. So it is she suggests that the old parents of her husband should be shifted to old age. She will not suggest the same thing to her parents, if they happen to come for help. She will manage them in her own house. Secondly both husband and wife go for work and if the child is small, they cannot manage with child and the old parents. So they put the child in day care centre, put the aged parents in home for aged. Stark truth is if the parents have no bank balance, if they do not have property in their name, then the children mercillessly put the parents in home for aged. If they have, then they take care of the parents at home, because they need all those wealth and money.

simple because they dont love them anymore..or they dont care for them..they forgot those sacrifices their parents had done so dat their kids could be happy nw wen it was their to return the favours theu want to shirk from their duties...shame on them

You are quite right that the daughter in law is the one who has a major role to play in shifting parents to old age homes but the major question is why do they need to take such actions. I myself am a daughter in law and have tolerated high torture from my mother and sister in law. We continued to manage but when the limits crossed we rebelled and now we are much happier and living a comfortable life. Make the parents look in to thier heart and then ask them do they treat daughter in law as their daughter or as an extra at home. Give love and you will get love.

I can relate to this subject in 2 ways: 1... I have worked in these kind of homes. 2... I have had aged parents. The thing is, having aged parents myself, I wouldn't dream of putting them in any kind of home, UNLESS, I couldn't take care of the person myself, what I mean is, if the person needed 24 hour NURSING care, which is something I am not qualified to do. On the other hand having worked in AGED CARE, there are times when a home is the best situation for the person, for many different reasons. I would certainly not be pressured into putting a parent into a home.

Dear Subathra what can i say here, i would only like to say that Sons who themselves want their parents to Move in Old home are ruthless and doing great sin other thing i would say its fault of Son more than daughter in Law , if she convinced him to move her parents away from them to OLD HOME. as its responsibility of SON to take care of his parents rather then daughter in Law. why he do that for a girl who is in his life for few yrs only/ I would say its better stay as childless then to have Sons like that, as they are adding more pain to lives of parents when they need, love care and effection. I better stop here or i might get more harsh, sorry and bye

yes subathra..this is a very prevelant situation in our country....parents take care of their children for more than 20 yrs....and then 1 fine day they are sent to old age home 4 no fault of theirs....the person who sends his or her parents to old age home is a disgrace to the society....just ask him or her to think what wud have happened to him/her if the parents had not taken care of him/her and not given him proper food or education....is this the way he/she reciprocates his/her love...???

well i think now a days people have become too profesional in their life too that they cant acept anything to be carried by them that is of no longer any use to them ,this attitudes has lead to this serious downfall of moral values

I used to think like that earlier. But there are some instances (I don't know the percentages here..but this is from personal experience) when the children have a good job abroad and the parents refuse to join them. The parents have their own reasons like that of being emotionally attached to the home and not being able to adjust to a new culture and so on. The son has to think about his parents as well his kids (which the parents did too). He tries to get another job in India so that he can be close to the parents...but doesn't get one with his expectations. After all he does need the money if he has to give his parents and his kids the best. And he'd rather have his parents safe where there is someone to look after them in their old age than all alone at home. So, he shifts them to an old age home. As I see from your post, you are talking about the sons staying in India and putting them in an Old age home. Well...I haven't come across anyone like that..but there might be such cases. I feel that is wrong. I, for one, wish my in-laws would be with us so that I can take care of them and can gain from their experience. But they refuse to stay with us. And this has nothing to do with a fight from my end or my husband's end. My father-in-law is too proud to stay with us.

It is good to have a joint family sometimes. And yes, we must take care of our parents. But to what extent can we live with them is the question. It is our duty to respect them and love them and be grateful to them for they have done for us. But in the process they forget our independence and bind us for the rest of our lives. Why should we marry the girl or boy they select? Why don't they let us make our minds? Why don't they give us the freedom to explore life and life's experiences. Why don't they allow us to choose our path? Well, it's their duty only up to a certain age till we attain maturity and we can make our own decisions, they should direct our minds and show us the right path, but beyond a certain age, it's for us to choose and they don't understand that. And agreed, we get married to the girl or boy they select, but after that, they decide where we should go for the honeymoon, and they also decide if the wife should have the baby or not. Oh, no, this is not the right time and she should abort it. They decide when the wife should visit her parents and for how many days. Is this right? Is this what you call a good life? They even interfere in the personal affairs of their children's marital lives. I had seen it. I was on the train once, and there was a Tamilian couple entrained to New Delhi. And this wife's parents were there. I just observed their attitude and it was not surprising to me at all. From the way they spoke, I knew her parents were not happy about their son-in law working somewhere far away in the north. And, I could also make out there was an argument between the husband and her father the previous night but they patched up. And not only that, when it was time to say goodbye, her mom started saying, "oh do wake up early morning do all the work in time. Wash all the utensils in time. And then both of you please go for walk in the evening everyday". Oh my God!!! It's none of their business. Even my uncle and aunt keep interfering my cousin's personal life and that's why he has made them stay in a different house, but has been good enough not to send them to an old age home. The problem is on both sides, not just one. Parents should also learn to give their children enough space and not interfere in their personal lives. And children should also learn to be tolerant and patient and make them understand their needs and not feel subdued or not be submissive. It's all about being straight forward and honest about what you want and what you don't want. Everything should be spoken out clearly and discussed. There is always a better solution.

There is always two side to a coin dear friend.You can't say that alone daughter in law is the reason.What i think is that daughter in laws are in many way responsible but sometimes & many times these parents interfere too much into the life of son .Specially the mother in the life of son.They many times fail to realise that her son has another family & husband wife relationship is not the same as of any other relation. I am not in support of shifting your parents as i myself is against that i don't support as parents require us .They need care.but sometimes parents are also at fault.actually sons have to make her wife & parents understand the situation & tackle the prob.But i have decided to shift in an old age home myself even if have children in future.I know that one should not expect anything from there children specially in this age when you don't expect your child to be with you as there is more & more people going out.

Morning subathra. Here in China we also have 'old age homes'. Reasons for the old parents to to these places may vary. But in most cases, the old parents would love to live in their own homes if they have a house of their own. They feel more free to do what they love to do at home. I am happy that my parents live in the apartment I bought for them and they are very happy to live in a nice and new apartment and sometimes when we have time, we go to see each other during the vacation...

Alot of people use these places as a last resort. There may be certain circumstances where the children themselves are unable to care for their elderly parents.

I am really sad about this. I really cant tell how they will be able to do that. They may have their own reason and whatever it is, I respect it. Me, my parents, I cant let them go there when they grow old. I want to repay them for all the goodness and the love that they have given me when I was young. I know that they will be happier if they have me beside them.