My step-son will be moving in with us next week,
By meholl
@meholl (510)
United States
November 1, 2007 2:03pm CST
About 2 weeks ago he came up to me and told me that I was buying him a new coat for winter. I said, no, I am not. And he had the nerve to tell me I was rude. I turned around and told him that if I buy anyone anything, it is because I was asked nicely, with a please and thank you, and not being ordered around. Then he had the nerve to tell his dad that I wouldn't buy him a coat. So then I had to explain to him as well how the conversation went. Of course then hubby had to go talk to son and tell him that since he is still a child (14) he can't order me around.
I know that I will have my hands full with this addition to the household. At his mothers, my step-son expects to have all his demands met, and walks all over his mother. I am more strong willed and stubborn than his mother, and he knows it.
Anyone have any suggestions on how to make this easier on me, him and my kids. We will be going from 4 kids to 5 kids with this change.
Any suggestions will be appreciated
1 person likes this
7 responses
@oneidmnster (1384)
• United States
1 Nov 07
I met my wife when I was 24.She was a couple of years older than me.She had a 12 yr.old son.He put us through hell.i wish i had some sage advice for you,but I don't.I guess the best thing I can say,is be patient.My stepson is 32 now and calls me Dad.I wish you the best of luck.
1 person likes this
@meholl (510)
• United States
1 Nov 07
Well after 20 years, I should hope he calls you dad. And since he does call you dad, you must have done something right.
I think it is in the job description of step-child to give parents hell. Even I did that to my own step-mother for the first year or 2, but now she is one of my best friends.
If I didn't have a mother, and I could pick any mother, my step-mother would be at the top of the list.
@overhere (515)
• United States
1 Nov 07
You have my utmost admiration! Step kids can be hard work as I am discovering - I think a successful step mom should automatically fulfill qualifications for a job with the Diplomatic Service. I wish I could offer sound tips and advice but not sure I have any. It does sound as though your husband is prepared to back you all the way so that is a good star. All I can do is wish you much luck.
1 person likes this
@meholl (510)
• United States
1 Nov 07
Thank you for your words of encouragement. My step-son has lived with us before, but he is older now so things will be different.
I am so glad that my husband backs me up. He works a lot of hours, and works out of town, so for 2 weeks I am just like a single parent without financial worries.
Of course this bothers my step-son, but he isn't the only one in the household that deals with this.
I have found that I treat my step-son as I do my other kids, and he calls him mom and tells her I am so mean. He does try to play everyone against me, but his mom and I are good friends, so she calls me to find out what is really going on.
But I also know that my step-son does value my opinion on something, especially things like school work.
@xxkennzixx (35)
•
2 Nov 07
Step Kids can be a real challenge be strong dont give in to him just to keep him quiet and good on your hubby for standing by what you said you both need to fight the same corner for him to understand that you are a team and that his dad is going to support you, try and be a friend to him more than a mother figure sometimes this can help
@ayou82 (3450)
• Philippines
2 Nov 07
That is hard. But if im in your situation as the Step Mom i will initiate a talk. A one on one , heart to heart discussions with my step Son. Because you see you are living in the same roof. You are going to live with his good and bad. If theres no harmony between you and your step son it will create a lot of problems.
Be friends, try to get his attention, im not telling you to please him and give him whatever he wants..What im trying to say is build a freindship. Make him feel he is part of the family. He is very much welcome. Because remember most of the kids that are living with a broken relationship between parents is not easy. Yes you are in with another chapter of your hubby's life and thats another piece of a story you both are making.
Patience. Have it or live with it. You have 4 kids and another plus. It is your responsibility to give a task on your children. You always have the power to do that. If they cant live with you rules..try to evict them just like a big brother house. Try it.
I dont know why im saying this to you right now. Im a mother too. I have a step son too. Im only 25 and my step son is same with my age. Im just wondering what would it be like if he is moving in with us. I might open up a discussion like yours. But at least i know and i ready myself.
This is just a piece of advice since your open to take this comment.
Goodluck mommy i know you can do that!
@lygriffin1599 (7)
• United States
2 Nov 07
Oh no. I don't blame you. I would not put up with that kind of talk either. If I was you, I think I would talk to my husband and make sure he understands to not let his son run all over you. If you don't, it will cause friction between you and your husband. To make him fit in, make sure you don't leave him out when doing things with your kids or for your kids. Good luck!!
@missybal (4490)
• United States
2 Nov 07
I think you got everything covered from all I read here. Your husband backs you up and you are treating him just like your own kids. It's just going to take time and I think at that age a lot of kid's are rude to adults and like to see how far they can push. Just keep on not letting him get away with anything and show you're a loving mother. You're obviously super mom with all those kids and a husband that is away.
