My son got called the "N" word! What do I tell him?

Poor kid! It must be hard not knowing where you come from. Even harder when you have ignorant kids calling you names. It must be really hard on you too, not being about to give him an accurate answer. It is hard with mixed kids sometimes. My daughter is half Caucasian and half African American, but most people ask me if she is Indian, because of the was she looks. Not knowing his birth parents it is really impossible to know for sure. I wish i had some really good advice for you, but other than what you have already tod him I don't know what else to say.

he knows that you are his 3rd set of foster parents and that you love him. he is fortunate to have a good experience in foster care. if i were you i would tell him the truth. i would tell him that we are not sure exactly what ethnicity he is and maybe let him play a game and choose what he wants to be until he is 18. maybe it will work maybe not. i really think that the racial slur should be dealt with. by allowing it to go unpunished, it only seeds approval in this other child that it's okay to say that. one day this kid will say it to the wrong person and who knows what may happen then. keep us posted on your decision. i guess it makes things hard too when he has to pick what race he is. will the foster care system not give you any info as to what ethnicity he is?

I think your best bet is to tell the truth, as best you can. I assume that they know that you're not their birth parents if they've been through 2 other foster homes. Explain that according to the foster care peoles records he's puerto rican. I've known a couple of people who were Puerto Rican who were very dark (who actually looked African American), so it's possible that he's just very dark.

I feel so bad for your son! I don't know why some kids are so cruel. I, personally, have always hated that word. I can't even bring myself to say it, and I'm about as white as a white girl can be. lol. I grew up with prejudice, and I have always hated it. I used to tell my dad not to say that word, even when I was a little girl. I have always told my children that skin color is like wrapping paper on a present; some wrapping paper is very pretty, and some is just plain, but what the wrapping paper looks like is no indication of the present inside. With people, you have to remove the wrapping paper to see the present inside. You can't judge people or presents by their wrapping. Hope this helps. I would say to contact the other child's parents, but, chances are, they are as ignorant as he is, if he is using that word. Tell your son that what he is, is loved, and be honest with him about not knowing his ethnicity, and that you will both try to find out as best you can, and that it may not be until he is 18 to know the truth.

What you said to him was perfect. Alot of my students have the same problem with being called names .. i know they aren't my children, but I love them like they are anyway. I explain to them that the people calling them names are are ignorant and that they need to learn from them because it shows them what kind of person they shouldn't be. I tell them that everyone is different in their own way and nobody is better or worse than another. I tell them to be proud of who they are and to not let what others say hurt them but make them stronger and by no means make them bitter toward that race. Bitterness and hatred are useless and will get you nowhere that will benefit you now or in the future. Tell your son to be proud of who he is and to not worry about what race he is, because no matter what race he is he is still a good person who is loved by many.

I definately find that honesty is the best policy. I've tried to keep things from my kids in the past and they always find out things from someone else and usually it's a pile of rubbish. Always best to hear the truth from parents. Maybe start by having a chat about different skin colour and how this shows people from different countries and cultures.. (show it in a positive light... the facts) then mybe explain a bit about racism and prejudice and how it's a nasty thing and doesn't just happen with skin colour but sometimes also with gender, jobs, age... there are so many types of prejudice. Let him know that the person who said this is probably scared of anyone different. Let him know how special he is, especially since he's such a lovely boy and has love for everyone and no prejudice... in this way you're helping him understand and also to be a better person ... and to understand that he IS the better person... and so won't feel so bad about being called this... I hope this made a bit of sense, I tend to ramble at the best of times. I have such an open relationship with my 2 kids (age 8 and 9) It's great that he came to you and by you being open and honest you can keep nurturing the close relationship you already have. Good luck! x

Oh man I'll never forget the first time my kids heard that word! they were much younger than your boy though when it happened..But we've recently had issues on the school bus and have had issues with it at the school for the past three yrs.... I'm biracial (White and West Indian) and was adopted by a VERY white family LOL so growing up it was obvious that I was "different" and sadly I endured racial "jokes" within the home growing up... My kids are also mixed 3/4 white 1/4 black, of course wiht my colour being what it is its always been obvious to them that they have black in them....BUT when it comes to that damn word I've always taught them that its nasty, vile, ignorant etc etc BUT to never let ppl who say it to them see their anger/upset etc becuase that person will just keep doing it...That worked for a while but now that they are older (my daughter is 12 1/2 and my son is 14) they have trouble not snapping over hearing it ya know...and truth be told they have every right to get angry..Its a truly horrible and hurtful word....HOWEVER my suggestion to you as far as that goes is to take down names and talk to the principal about it and let him/her know that under no terms will you tolerate it and if something isnt done and it continues you WILL go over his/her head to the Superintendant etc etc....With the school policies beign the way they are today particularly in the U.S, the principal SHOULD want to take care of it immediately (the former principal at my kids school was a total slacker, this new guy is right on the ball and nipped it right away) As for what to tell your son....Well...I would be honest with him...i really would...if you try to imply one thing (race) and it comes out later on that you were wrong he could very well be hurt by that in a huge way....Coming from foster homes and not knowing who you are is HELL to deal with as it is....I know that personally but unfortunately my so called parents felt I had no right to know anything which just added insult to injury ya know....Sit him down and be honest with him and reassure him that as soon as you can find out anything you'll let him know BUT above anything he is a wonderful, unconditionally loved, intelligent, handsome (you get my point I'm sure) young man that you are blessed to have in your family....and keep letting him know that race isnt whats important, whats INSIDE a person IS whats important...Things along that line ya know {{hugs}} to you and him, I know how tough it is from his perspective and I can just imagine how hard it is for you to not have the answers he desires...Kudos to you for caring and loving him enough too btw..I wish my mother had given a crap when I was a kid (or now for that matter LOL)

I think what you told him was wonderful, that he's a beautiful little boy inside and out, and as others have posted here telling him the complete truth would be good. But I'd add that he is a very special boy because he was chosen by you to be your very own son and that's what really matters. It's so heartbreaking that children can be so cruel, especially because you know they had to have gotten it from adults. Annie