Incarcerated Parents
@BellasmamaTiff (2544)
United States
October 28, 2006 8:52am CST
Ok. My daughter's father has been incarcerated since I was 5 months pregnant. Am I wrong for not taking her to see him in the prison? I don't want to keep her from him, I want her to know where she came from. But, at the same time, Im scared to death to take her inside. He told me they will search her, and that I can't bring in anything but a bottle...or cup. And it has to be see through. I can't even bring in a diaper he says. Supposedly they will give me one there. He thinks Im keeping her from him because of the issues between me and him. But its nothing like that. Our daughter is 18 months old and he has NEVER seen her, except pictures. How can I get over my phobia of prison???
1 person likes this
13 responses
@Force_Fed (745)
• United States
28 Oct 06
If he was so concerned with seeing his daughter he would have kept himself out of prison. I wouldn't take my child to a prison for the wishes of a selfish person. Nor would I waste a minute of my life on a person who abandoned me to be a criminal.
Force
1 person likes this
@sirensanssmile (3764)
• Netherlands
1 Dec 06
isasice- The child is very young right now and would not understand you are right.... however the mother can not be expected to take her very very young child to a PRISON to see her father. When he gets out in 2010 HE will have to explain to her why he was locked up and not able to come visit her. That is the business of the father because he is the one that gave up his rights as a free citizen. The child is not likely to get upset when she/he's older because the mother didn't take him/her to PRISON to see her father when she was still in diapers come on! The child would definatly understand besides, the FATHER is the one that messed up and he should not drag the child down with him.
Oh just imagine that one of his/her first memories be that of inside a prison! I wouldn't take my child there at all.
@Meljep (1666)
• United States
28 Oct 06
That would be a tough choice. My opinion would be to send him pictures, even on a daily basis. Talk to her about her dad and build up for the moment she gets to see him in person. Lots of teachable oppurtunities can be used in this situation for life lessons that will stick with her.
@BellasmamaTiff (2544)
• United States
28 Oct 06
I will consider your advice. Thank you so much. Although, he doesnt get out til 2010... :(
@sedel1027 (17846)
• Cupertino, California
28 Oct 06
I think this is a personal choice that you need to make for yourself. I would be afraid as well. Regardless of how secure they claim to be, prisons are not 100% secure and can not say that you will be 100% safe while you are there. If you are not comfortable with bringing your child there, are you at least sending him pictures? When is he due to get out of jail?
1 person likes this
@BellasmamaTiff (2544)
• United States
28 Oct 06
Yes, I do send pictures. But do not stop my life to make sure that he gets new ones everytime I do. He chose to ignore the fact that we were about to have a baby when he did what he did. He wont be out until 2010. Thanks for your reply!
@wahmoftwo (1296)
• United States
6 Dec 06
I don't think I would take a child that small too a prison to visit ANYONE. She has neve seen him and wouldn't understand anyway. When he getts out he could have suppervised visits with her until he can prove himself fit. That's what I would do.
@aimee750 (1116)
• United States
6 Dec 06
My friend went through this with her ex-husband. Her left when their kids were 4 and 2 mos. He was gone for 5 years. She never took the children to see their dad, even though he kept asking her. She told him over and over that it was his fault that he couldn't see the kids and that she wouldn't subject her kids to a place like that.
@pebbles_cubbie (3789)
• United States
6 Jan 07
you are not wrong. i wouldnt take my baby to a prison for her to see him. it was his fault he got there. you're not keeping her from him tell him if you didnt get yourself locked up then you'd be able to see her. he knew you were pregnant when he got in trouble. so dont take the baby to prison to see him wait until he gets out.
@carmat (2849)
• Canada
6 Dec 06
You know what you don't have to get over your phobia of prison, you didn't make him go to prison that was his choice.
The best thing you could do is take your child and move far away from him. He has issues and a lifestyle you don't need. You should move on without him and concentrate on the little life that is your responsibility.
@birthlady (5609)
• United States
5 Dec 06
I don't think you need to get over your phobia of prison! I think he has to wait, and that's all there is to it!
@isasice (2015)
• Iceland
12 Nov 06
If you are comfortable with it, your daughter is too young to understand what a prison is. I think it's very responsible of you to want her to know her father and in my opinion, it is her right to know him, not his right to see her that matters. Go alone for the next visit (I see this post is 3 weeks old so maybe you already took her).
When you get there, ask the prison staff and guards about the procedures when women bring babies in there. Ask to see the room you would be meeting in and what's involved in the search. I know it sounds terrible that they would have to search a baby but in todays world, they can never be too careful.
If you decide to bring her with you on your next visit, change her diaper before the visit so you will be less likely to need to do it when your'e there.
@isasice (2015)
• Iceland
12 Nov 06
If you are comfortable with it, your daughter is too young to understand what a prison is. I think it's very responsible of you to want her to know her father and in my opinion, it is her right to know him, not his right to see her that matters. Go alone for the next visit (I see this post is 3 weeks old so maybe you already took her).
When you get there, ask the prison staff and guards about the procedures when women bring babies in there. Ask to see the room you would be meeting in and what's involved in the search. I know it sounds terrible that they would have to search a baby but in todays world, they can never be too careful.
If you decide to bring her with you on your next visit, change her diaper before the visit so you will be less likely to need to do it when your'e there.
@lesjo5480 (246)
• United States
12 Nov 06
Children can sense things, If your afraid and tense, she will pick up on that. Is that how you want her to meet her father for the first time, feeling scared and unsafe herself. I agree with an earlier comment, if hes worried about not spending time with his daughter, hes shouldnt have gotten locked up. (we know that didnt happen because he was being a boy scout lol)
@baysmummy (1637)
• Australia
29 Nov 06
wow that is a tough one, My ex was incarcerated while we were together and i use to visit him alot, Mind you we didnt have children! I think you should contact the prison and speak to them about it and ask what happens and how things happen and do they think that the environment would be ok for a young child ask them what you need to bring and what they would prefer you not to bring! Ask whatever comes to your mind atleast enquire about it all and that may put your mind at ease and if it doesnt then you can atleast tell her daddy that you did enquire and you just dont think its the place to bring a young child! How much longer will he be incarcerated for? if it isnt long maybe he can just wait!
