Ever Hold Something in Until it Hits The Fan at High Speed?
By wrdsofwisdm
@wrdsofwisdm (1069)
United States
November 3, 2007 9:28pm CST
I am 41, still single, no kids and a have a mom that latches on around my neck. I am an only child..an aries with much strength and a strong will to succeed in life,,,whatever that means. I am soooo unhappy because she has made me miserable. She uses me, lives off of me, and is never satisfied. I can completely understand why she is divorced. Hell, even I would divorce her if I could. Nothing I do is ever good enough...not that her opinion should matter at this point in my life, but it does and it hurts that she is the way she is. Tonight was horrible. I pay for everything and I mean everything! She never appreciates anything I do. I lost it tonight. Broke the bathroom door and a plate, and the fridge door a little. That is due to much pain caused by her. I don't know what else to do. The only time she backed off a little was when I have been engaged. She, however ruined the times I have been by interfering. At least I didn't marry just to get away from her. Hell, maybe I shoud have...who knows. All I know is that I can't take her holding me back and taking advantage of me anymore. This situation is toxic and I can't stand it anymore. She needs to go and take care of her own mother who will be 84 in December. She doesn't because her mom drives her crazy, yet she doesn't see that she is doing the same to me. I am so hurt right now because I shouldn't have to be dealing with this right now. I should be happily married with a child or two and not have to worry about her until she can't take care of herself anymore. Anyone else have a problem like this?
It's like a wound that has no chance to heal. It s*!cks!
2 people like this
3 responses
@maribea (2366)
• Italy
5 Nov 07
my dear friend, I am here to send you all my understanding and support and affection. I cannot imagine how a mother can be so distructive, so selfish with her daughter..because mothers are supposed to live in order to help their children as best as they can and forever. Maybe she has nobody but you and so she is there holding you so that you cannot fly away as somebody else did before. but you have a right to your own life, to your love, to your projects. So I think you have to be sincere and speak with her. If you have already tried this way, well there is nothing left but do whatever you can to gain your space. Change your lock and ask her to call before visiting you..go away for a while...if she is lonely, she could join some clubs or start a new hobby...and of course I hope you'll find the love of your life as soon as possible so to create the family you are still dreaming of. Until then I hope you can find friends to help you carry through this bad period of your life. and yes I will be praying for you and your mother to find a better way to live together and ...I am here...you can write whenever you like and I will send you my love again and again
@wrdsofwisdm (1069)
• United States
9 Nov 07
Ciao my friend and still my sorellina. I am sorry I have not been here to communicate for some time. I was just so hurt by the incident with my mother that I had to let it out somehow. Thank you for being the only one on my friends list to take the time to respond and actually reach out to me. I appreciate it so much. I know that if we lived closer, we would be very close friends. My friends here are not true to me. They have lives of their own and don't leave room for me, for I am the outcast that is single and has no children, in their minds. I am fine with that because I know 2008 is the year I change things to make my life more fulfilling. I hope you are well and all is going in the right direction for you. If you ever need me, I am here also.
Con amore, J
2 people like this
@maribea (2366)
• Italy
9 Nov 07
my dear j, please remember me and my email address and write to me whenever you can. you are always welcome. I have a new yahoo address and I am using it with my American friends because it seems it works better than others. I will be looking forward for any news for you and I promise to write to you soon, too. happy to be your friend.
@palonghorn (5479)
• United States
4 Nov 07
41? and still letting her control your life? She wouldn't be able to do that if you didn't let her. You have to live your life at some point and not have it ruled by her. There are options like have you thought of transfering to another city? Or moving to a smaller home, and letting her know that you won't have as much room she'll need to look for her own place. Or (might be a white lie) but that you will no longer be able to afford paying for everything so you are down-sizing. There are always options in life, it's just whether or not you choose to take any or stay with status quo and let her use you until she can't take care of herself and must live in an asisted living facility.
@wrdsofwisdm (1069)
• United States
7 Nov 07
Wow, all those ideas have popped into my head several times. She divorced my father when I was 3 and remarried when I was 7. The 2nd husband was worst than the first. After almost 14 years of marriage, he decided to really scr@w her over and she broke down. Unfortunately, I am her only child and have a very traditional family. Believe me, it is ridiculous and she is very selfish. Her mother is very independent, lives on her own, drives, and is an Avon lady. However, she is now starting to forget things, and her driving is not so good. Mom is going to have to face the fact that she will be moving over to grandma's fairly soon. I feel that 2008 is going to be the year I get a life...let me rephrase...2008 is the year I get a life. Thank you for reminding me that I need to be tougher. I needed that. :)
1 person likes this
@dreamy1 (3811)
• United States
4 Nov 07
Can't say I have dealt with anything like this. Try not to let your mother push your buttons. She's not going to change and you can't change her. The only thing you can do is to change how you react to her. I want to suggest some authors for you to read. Dr Wayne Dyer and Dr Gary Zukoff. I recently read some of their books and they were very interesting and insightful. If you're not familiar with them you might think their approach is strange. They use a very spiritual angle but I think you can get something useful from reading them.
@wrdsofwisdm (1069)
• United States
7 Nov 07
Thank you for your response dreamy. She lives in my home with me so I hold a lot of it in for long periods of time. This time her inconsiderate ways went too far. I think it is really sad that i have to lose it in order for her to treat me the right way for a few days. I will look into Dyer and Zukoff.
1 person likes this
