When your child is disagreeable...
By wmaharper
@wmaharper (2316)
United States
November 5, 2007 8:16am CST
My youngest son (14 months now) has been fighting against me and everyone since he was a newborn. The first time he really exerted himself was when we brought him home from the hospital.. He cried for hours.. I thought it was gas, now I look back and wonder if it was just a warning sign. Lol. (:
When he was 4 months old, he began to fight me about his carseat, pushing himself up on his feet, screaming bloody murder, we bought him a new car seat, thinking it may be uncomfortable, he continued to do that for a few months, EVERY time. I would have to literally force him into his seat, pushing his little body down so I could buckle him. He weaned himself at 6 months, and refused to consume any milk, breast milk or formula for 3 days, finally he gave in and started to take from a cup.. (: He fights me about everything sometimes. It feels like I'm constantly sparring with him and he is only 14 months. My first boy, was easy going, wanted to please me and those around him. He loves people and always has. My youngest (he's a little red-headed boy like his daddy) just hates it if a stranger even looks at him. If they come close, he starts screaming and crying. If it's a female, if it's a male, they are his best friend, regardless of the fact that they have never met. (: It's amazing to me.. how disagreeable he can be. He is also very happy, when he is getting what he wants. (: People always say "what a happy baby!" but they don't see him when he's mad! Anyways, my question is, have you ever had a disagreeable child? I would classify him as the typical strong-willed, bull headed kid, and i'm a little worried honestly, because he's already showing such defiance at such an early age! He bites me when he gets angry sometimes, and i have resorted to a smack on the hand, and a "time-out" in his crib. (I place him in there for 3 minutes until he calms down) b/c there really isn't a lot you can do to discipline at this age, only redirection, but I don't want his biting to become habitual, and I refuse to overlook it. So, does anyone have any tips on dealing with the strong-willed young child? Thanks in advance..
1 person likes this
5 responses
@xXxMikesWifeyxXx (3072)
• United States
6 Nov 07
Well my little girl is 2 and she doesnt bit to be mean she does it when playing around i have done the whole time out and smaking bit but it doesnt work either.ol everyone tells me well they wont do it again if they know what it feels like...so biute her back
i cannot bring myself to do that i just stick somthing really nasty in her mouth when she does it...it limits it but she still does it somtime. u might wanna try that and see if it works.
1 person likes this
@wmaharper (2316)
• United States
7 Nov 07
That's a good idea, I had never thought of it.. Thanks for the advice!
@mi2ok02 (406)
• United States
5 Nov 07
Oh my! I don't think any of my children were THAT strong willed. I do have some picky kids. When my youngest who also happens to be boy was that young, he was just picky about things. So I gave in to help him feel safe until he could learn to cope with imperfection as he grew older and matured some.
All my kids seem to be able to cope with change or at least accept it to a point that it wasn't a trauma.
It just sounds like to me, he is trying to find out what he can have control over. When it is possible, give him a choice. But only 2 choices. Any more than that will overwhelm him at his young age. But when there are no choices, such as whether or not he is to be buckled in the car, give him a redirect such as, "you can bring this toy or book while we are in the car. But buckling in is a must, even mommy has to do it. You can have your toy when you are buckled."
These are just examples. You know what your child likes best. You know what his currency is and just use that. I hope these suggestions help.
Giving a strong-willed child choices will also give him a sense of independence. It will cut down on power struggles by making him think he has the power although you are the one who does because you gave him the safest and smartest choices to choose from.
*wink*
1 person likes this
@wmaharper (2316)
• United States
6 Nov 07
Thanks for the advice.. it's def. something I'll try. Right now.. he's so young.. he's not quite old enough I don't think to really understand the whole choice thing.. maybe in a few more months. (he just turned 14 months yesterday) HE still gets upset when he's in his carseat.. but that's life. He also throws a fit when he's being changed.. so much so that I change him standing up as much as I can. It doesn't help that he began walking a few months ago... and just like any other kid that just starts walking, he hates to have to be still .(:
I know it will take some patience on my part.. THanks for all the tips!
@Debs_place (10520)
• United States
5 Nov 07
A friend of mine did, her son was about 6 months old and when the child did not get his way, he would bash his head on floors, walls, toys anything..sometimes until it bled.
He was eventually diagnosed with oppositional defiance disorder. He is now considering get a PhD in electrical or chemical engineering. I added this so you know, a bad diagnosis is not all bleak...with treatment he did manage to work through his problems.
1 person likes this
@wmaharper (2316)
• United States
5 Nov 07
Wow, that's extreme. I hope and pray I never have to deal with that. Yes, I do believe, that if I can keep him disciplined, and get him to the point of submission, that when he gets older, his will can be one of his greatest assets, it's just trying to survive to that point, and teach good moral character and raise him right along the way. (:
Thanks for your encouragement.
@ctrymuziklvr (11057)
• United States
5 Nov 07
I wish I had some advice for you. My daughter had much the same problem with her now 13 year old son. From the day she brought him home from the hospital he was a problem. His formula was changed a number of times but nothing worked. He would projectile vomit for no reason. It was a horrible experience. Unfortunately my daughter and her b/f split up after over 20 years and her son just went to live with his father because it had come to his physically abusing her. At the age your son is at I would say keep showing him that you are the boss and won't deal with his stubborness or strong will. You set the rules of behavior in your house and that's the way it is no doubts about it! Good luck with that little guy!
@wmaharper (2316)
• United States
5 Nov 07
Thanks for your advice. I hope all goes well with your grandson.
@ersmommy1 (12588)
• United States
5 Nov 07
Sounds like you're having a rough time. Have you spoken with his doctor about the behavior issues? The doctor may have some answers. My daughter has a strong will herself. she is now 4 but at 18 months she decided "no more diapers" while on the changing her one day, and bam ! a kick and my teeth were loose. I had to go to the dentist. As a family we are in a program here that starts at birth, and goes to age 5 called Parents as Teachers they have activities and a teacher you meet with and they show you creative parenting techniques, while our child learns something each time we meet. As for the biting my brother (Now 31) was a biter, one day he bit me and my mom had had enough and bit him back. I don't know that I recommend that approach, but I know my brother never bit anyone again. Maybe look for a parent group in your area for support.
@wmaharper (2316)
• United States
5 Nov 07
I have heard the biting thing, (my own mother suggested it) although I don't think I could use it. THanks for the advice, our town is fairly small, I wish we had a class like that, I think it would be intersting. THanks for your response.
