differing views affecting my marriage, please help!

Anakata, It,s not wrong to feel the way both you and your husband feel. I have never been in that situation, so I cannot speak from an expert's point of view. My wife and I lost our twin daughters within a year of our marriage. One was stillborn and the other lived for only five months. So I can almost say, I know what it feels like in your case. A lot of prayers were offered for us and by ourselves. Two years later my wife gave birth to our first son, and today we have three sons to our credit, (all adults now, and one is married) For two years after our loss, we also struggled to become pregnant. We of course never gave up. You should also never give up trying. It is sometimes a good thing to join a support group of similar people. From what I have noted is, the fact that in many such cases, adopting a little one has brought on successful pregnancies later. I think that you become much more restfull, less stressful and more relaxed after having adopted a little one. It is a most wonderful remedy that will bring on total healing, because you will then be so busy and happy with your adopted child that you wont have time to worry and stress about trying for your own. That little baby will be like your own-(it will be your own) I think Sophia Loren had more miscarriages than you, and she never gave up trying. See a good Gynocologist and get strong and fit. Pray a lot, God can understand all languages. If you must cry before Him, no one else need to know, its between you and Him, and he wont tell anyone. He's too busy solving problems like yours and mine. So dont deprive yourself because you feel down now. I wish you and your husband the best of luck, and who knows, you may be a Mommy and a Daddy within the next fifteen months. Let me know when he/she arrives, I will rejoice with you God Bless you both

You are a very brave person. You and your husband have been through a lot. Have you ever thought about fostering children? I wish you all the best with everything.

No, you're not wrong at all for feeling the way that you do. You need to also understand that your husband isn't wrong for feeling the way he does, either. With this exact disagreement, the one who doesn't want the child wins. Always. A child should always be a mutual agreement. You've made your decision, now it's time for your husband to make his. He needs to understand that. You need to tell him and make it completely clear that you're positive that you don't want to have any children. Then, it's up to him to decide whether or not he wants to be with someone else so he can have the child(ren) he wants or does he want to remain with you and have no children.

Have you looked into taking in foster children? Neither of your feeling are wrong. You tried. You seem to be at a place where you have accepted the fact that having your own baby might not happen for you and you're ok with that. Unfortunately your husband isn't on the same page. Don't bring up the subject, take a break from baby/adoption talk and see if given some time to adjust, maybe he'll come to the same realization. Who knows even if you let him go to find someone else who's to say if he'll even have a kid then. If having his own child is something he absolutely must do in his life to feel complete and you clearly don't want the same then as Dr Phil would say that seems like a deal breaker. You've made up your mind as to what you want. It's up to him to decide what he wants to do.

Your problem is really serious and you have to do some thing. That some thing is, convincing your husband to adopt a child. It seems you and your husband have good understanding. It is necessary that some body should look after you in your old age. Medically it is not advisable to have your own child. The greatest achievement in your life will be making your husband to accept for adoption of a child. I do not know whether you have belief in god or not. If you have belief, please convince your husband to adopt a child and you will lead a happy life with the blessings of the god.

I think you're right about your idea that both of you live a simple life without children. I am a young man, which might mean immaturity. But I do believe that the one important point to have a baby is to make us feel happy. If the whole progress became a suffering, it is the right choice to change your mind. Don't let the grief overwhelm you, there must be many more pleasure in lives:-)

No, you aren't wrong for feeling that way. I'm sure that most anyone would feel that way in your situation. I don't think you should leave your husband either.... My aunt tried for 12 years to have a baby. She went through some of the same things that you did. (I lived with her as a child) It was so hard on her and so hard on everyone else. Finally, she just gave up. It was so much stress and she tried everything and nothing worked, so she was like "that's it" and they stopped "trying". And guess what...once it was in the back of her mind and she wasn't stressed about it anymore, she got pregnant. She had the baby, everything was fine. She had another son 2 years later. Now, I'm not saying that it would happen with you like that, but you never know. I don't know your medical reasons for losing the children, she didn't have a stillborn, she lost all hers early in pregnancy. If you don't want to take the chance of getting pregnant yourself and going through that again I'm sure that your husband would understand that after he gets done grieving. He might just need a little longer than you. Have you ever considered fostering children? Or maybe even being a big brother or big sister. That would still allow you your freedom, and you could help someone at the same time. There are lots of alternatives out there. I think you just need to relax and take your mind off it for a while and let nature take it's course. I hope that something I've said has made you feel atleast a little bit better. I wish you the best of luck and I will keep you in my prayers. ~Stephanie

all i know is that you love your husband he loves you and love can beat all as they say. however it is very hard work the only thing i can add to help you is i was adopted my parents could not have children of there own and they were the best parents anyone can ask for think about how you can help a child be a parent biological or not your child will love you either way

I do understand how it feels to have no child. . . When I got married at 30, I thought I would immediately have a baby. Unfortunately, it took us almost 4 years to have one.Those years were the hardest for me. At least in your case you have signs and hopes that you can have a baby. I prayed a lot in order to be given even only one child. After more than 3 years of asking, I lost hope and I just made a compromise to myself not to deal with that problem of having a child anymore. . . . Then without expecting it, I was pregnant. Now my baby will turn 2 years old this December. Don't lose hope. God will give the baby to you at the most unexpected time. Keep your faith.

hi anakata, i think that instead of leaving the present relation you should work on it in a better manner, what you doing and feeling is right but i feel that even you feel like getting a kid but you have lost hopes due to the circumstances prevailing there. what can be done is a way out of both your interest, you should on a holiday in evry week take your hubby to a Ngo or trust who takes care of kids so you and your hubby will even get to play with kids there as well as he would also feel happy about it and may over come the feeling to a little extent of getting a kiddo, further to this you can get an adoption of a child from these kind of institutions and should wait for that long queu.all the best ,take care.

Its so sad to hear your story. I understand how you feel. You have been traumatized on what had happened to you. But do you think this is the time to give up? Do you think that you can really live childless? I know how much you love your husband that's why you keep on trying to give her a baby. I am just afraid that you will continue with your life and suddenly will be bothered thinking of a baby. You must follow what's in your heart. If you really love to have a family, do something now before its too late. But if you're contented with what you have now, just go on with your life and live happily with your husband. Accept everything that had happened. I know that God have some plans for you guys...Goodluck on your relationship. Hope everything will be fine..=)

why u are feeling guilty .dont worry u like adoption you goand convince your husband this is my view .life is a precious.you love your life.dont feel again