Keeping the Maiden Name in Marriage?

Aurone, you are so logical. Maybe dodging my maiden name was another good reason as well. I had had enough to last a lifetime of being Gruesome Grueser. Of course, with my first marriage, I became Mrs. Horrible ( a group of kids did call me that, last name, Hagar)Now I just get called E coli (Echola).We love to make fun of people's names. I do like your logic in your response, though.

Well, Aurone, I can agree that you are certainly an outspoken gal, LOL. Family was really big where I grew up, and I think it would have been a put down if the woman didn't take her husbands name when they married.

Thanks. This was quite an argument in my family when I got married. My Grandmother wanted me to keep my last name. She is quite the feminist and my parents are more traditional and wanted me to take my husbands last name. So I had to seriously give it some thought before I made the decision to take my husband's last name.

No, I do not mean professionally. She had no opinions of her own and expected dad and us to do things for her. She was totally dependant on us. But that's not the only reason why people need to change their name after marriage. Even working women who feel they are comfortable in their relationship change their names happily. Don't get me wrong. My family is the most important thing for me. I quit my high paying job to be with my family and every job I took after that was one where the family was never compromised. But that doesn't mean that I am not my own person and do not have my opinions and thoughts. One of the main reasons that I didn't change my maiden name (which I'd love to do) is that I don't feel that my husband really considers me as part of the family. I feel he wants me to obey his orders and be ONLY a wife and mother. I do not like that attitude. I definitely will not put my family aside to do things that I like or want to do. But he obviously doesn't like me doing it anytime. We are not really partners in this relationship taking joint decisions. I would actually love to change to my husband's name and like I said we are still talking about it because I don't want to change it just for the sake of doing so. I want to feel the dedication to the relationship before I do it. What if we decide to separate? I don't want to go through the hassles of changing again.

I forgot to mention that in our community (which is matriarchal), 'the dinosaurs' (lol..couldn't resist) never changed their maiden name. In fact, the kids took on the mother's family name. Then through the years, it progressed to the kids having the initials of BOTH their father's and mother's family name. Taking on the husband's name is a recent development in our community (and it's the husband's first name and not the family name that is taken).

Although I don't fully understand what you mean when you say,"...my mother did and she had no life beside husband and family", SViswan, I assume you are speaking of professionally. For some women husband and family is the ultimate joy in life.

I know for me it was a big deal, GG, sort of like taking on a new identity to begin a new life.

Exactly so.

So wouldn't that make it a lack of commitment because a man doesn't take a woman's married name? The changing of the name signifys ownership traditionally being passed on. My friend is columbian and the do not change their last name... just add it. and the children take on the mothers last name as well.

Yes, Calais, I can even understand if a woman wants to hyphenate her maiden name and married name. It just makes more sense to me.

I feel by taking another name, you are dishonoring your family name.Worst, by changing the wife's name is like she is property not a person.

Well, sarah, I only know of one definition for marriage, but I might be a bit behind the times. In my opinion, you honor your family just by the fact that you are born into it, but you honor your husband by taking his name as yours when you marry him.

Yes, carolbee, it is a personal choice in this day and age.

You could be happy keeping your last husband's name and I have no problem as to that. However, I would not like to keep his name with whom I did not share my life with.

I don't know any country where you would be required to go back to your maiden name following divorce, mimpi. I have been divorced for 30 years and I still use my last husband's name. I earned it through the process of marrying him, and that makes it mine as well.

I really am a dinosaur, Ravenladyj! I believe that people have become so caught up in being politically correct they have forgotten good, common sense.

Well my ex and I had a fight and he told me I didn't deserve his last name so of course I changed it back to my former one. that in plus we didn't even last a year. I mean he cheated on me four months after I married him so yeah I didn't want to keep his last name jerk.

yes i agree why would anyone give up their name to be saddled for the rest of your life by a name of a jerk .... I was married for 12 years and when i left that man ... i wanted to leave everything behind and start new .... my name my life was going to be my own again ..i wanted nothing to remind me of the biggest mistake I had ever made ....

Each time I married, Shaun, I took my husband's name. For me, it was the choice I liked best. I have been divorced from my last husband for a very long time now, and I have never seen a reason to change it back.

That isn't a very good reason, andrejuly, since it is a simple process to change your baby's name any time you want.

It's a reflection on our society, barehugs, that the divorce rate is so high. It can all be traced directly to the loosening of morals and lack of commitment on the part of people today.

And the loosening of morals and lack of committment can be traced directly back to lack of instruction by the Christian Church.The Church is primarily interested in Power and Money. The Church has had 2000 years to make a difference and has failed miserably. Its time for a change!

I couldn't have said it better, isaiah12. It's frightening to me that people are so afraid of being who they are in today's world. They are content to follow along and allow someone else to dictate what they should say or do in any given situation. I remember the days when the word "Mrs.," was worn with pride and honor.

Progressives always have a neat little category in which to place everything, angemac. I don't think it's sexist(whatever that means), to want to honor your husband.

ok, but why can't the husband ever honor the wife by taking her name? Men and women are equal and if my husband is not willing to honor me than why would I honor him. I have yet to hear a man taking the woman's name, so why doesn't that happen more often?

No way! Although I don't believe that you have to marry to be a complete person, I still feel that the right person completes you--as in beyond simply being a complete person. Russell and I have not only e-mailed each other but have, also, gotten to the point of telephone and snail-mail correspondence--but we've not yet had face time. Even under those circumstances, I feel very close to Russell, and knowing him enhances me instead of the other way around.

I certainly like your style, AJ! I take it that you don't feel threatened for fear that adding your husbands name will detract from who you are. Way to go.

Now, that is what I consider a great compromise, serenidity. You are honoring your husband while maintaining your independence.

I think it is only natural, peanutjar, for a woman to want her man's name for herself and her children. I don't find anything wrong with it.

If you are not a Christian, zigzagbuddha, I suppose marriage wouldn't be important to you. Not everyone gets married with the intention of one day being divorced. Marriage is hard work for both parties involved. Maybe back in history some cultures who were not enlightened viewed marriage as a chance to acquire property, but these people were not civilized. I have seen many happy, successful marriages over the years that were filled with mutual respect. My great-aunt and great-uncle who raised me were very happily married for 59 years. That speaks volumes to me.

The change of name, Monkeyrose, signifies a new beginning, not a new person. You will always be the person you are-no matter what name you go by. Changing your name should be considered a milestone along your pathway to growing and becoming a more mature person.

I disagree but like i said, at this point in time marriage is far from my mind. My name is Christine. People always call me christina by accident or because they forget... or chrissy or whaterver. To me its important Its a label for who I am.