funny quotes

“I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.” Robert McCloskey “Love is like a booger. You keep picking at it until you get it, then wonder what to do with it.” “Life is one fool thing after another whereas love is two fool things after each other.” Oscar Wilde “Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.” “Sometimes I lie awake at night, and ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'” Charles M. Schulz “I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.” Rodney Dangerfield “I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.” Will Shriner “My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is.” Ellen DeGeneres “Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?” George Carlin