What to do with out of control 6 year old?

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I just don't know what to do with her. And I don't know where I went wrong. How did she get to be such a spoiled brat? She thinks everything has to be HER way and if it isn't she throws a tantrum. I have 3 other kids I have to deal with but she takes up most of my time. Today we had a Halloween parade in our town that the kids were in. She refused to wear a jacket because it covered her costume. It was only 45 degrees out and I had my winter coat on and I was cold. Her costume was a dress with lace sleeves and a lace cape over it and knee high socks. We walked the 4 blocks of the parade. After we ate there were games outside for the kids. We were waiting in line for a game and she was shivering but she refused to put my jacket on so I had to take all the kids inside because she wouldn't cooperate. She is already sick and is outside in 40 degree weather (and it was raining) with no coat. We missed the games which upset her brother. Then she got made because she didn't win an award for the costume contest and screamed at me all the way home about how it wasn't fair and I didn't make her costume good enough to win. She screams at me all day long. She doesn't listen. I can be standing right next to her and tell her to do something and she will pretend I'm not there. Since she didn't wear her coat for trick or treating on Thursday she didn't get any candy (I told her this before she left and she agreed) so instead she steals candy from the stash and eats it in her room then blames her 4 year old sister for it. She refuses to clean her room. If I even mention cleaning it she starts screaming about how it is too hard, too much and not fair that she has to clean her own room. Oh, and no one is helping her. Nevermind her brother and sister already cleaned most of it while she was at school. My 4 year old cleans the room every day. She almost never cleans it. She always scams her sister into doing it. I don't know what to do with her. I am so fed up. I have no help from my husband. His idea of dealing with her is spanking her for everything she does. Which doesn't work. Taking her stuff away doesn't work (she doesn't care). Taking away TV doesn't work. Time-outs don't work. She doesn't care about anything. She ruins any outing because she whines the whole time because she doesn't get her way. We never go outside to play because she won't behave. Standing rule in the house is we have to straighten up the bedrooms to play outside or play a game. It has been this way since she was a toddler. She refuses to clean her room at all so we never go outside. I can't leave her inside and take the others outside. Even if I did she would stand at the door and scream the whole time ruining for the rest of us. We never play games as a family because of her. My husband can barely stand to come home after work and avoids family time like the plague because of her. I hate family meals because she just complains about everything. I didn't give her the right plate or spoon or cup. She doesn't like this, I gave her too much of that, etc. She would rather scream for 5 hours about picking up her room then spend 5 minutes picking up. What the heck am I supposed to do. My husband and everyone else keeps saying she will grow out of it and it will get better. Only problem is it has just gotten worse and worse every year. She disobeys. She is disrespectful. She is mean. She is hurtful. I really don't like her. I don't want to be around her and she is making me miserable. I can't remember the last time we went a full day without her screaming about something and ruining the day for me and the rest of the family.