Do You Ever Feel Guilty About Having Lazy Days?
By pyewacket
@pyewacket (43903)
United States
November 20, 2007 12:35am CST
Okay, I was inspired for this discussion by one of my dear MyLot friends as she decided to have a lazy "PJ" day. The kind of day, where you just don't want to do much, and maybe just chill out and not have any responsibilities, to maybe sit back and just read or watch TV for hours at end. And it got me thinking about my own life in general.
Now maybe call me slightly neurotic, but I just can't do that. Oh, how I wish I could just have a time out day, a REAL time out day, and not do a darn blasted thing. Maybe just stay in bed, curl up with a book, and read, or watch TV or one DVD movie after another after another. In other words, not do do-do-ca-ca-poo-poo. I wish I could but then I would feel SO guilty that I wasn't doing something
BUT! It's my upbringing. Yup, blame it on my upbringing. Okay, real Freudian psychology here whose basic theme that all our neurosis and psychoses is due to "mom" I never really was into psychology especially Freudian, but sometimes I wonder.
You see, while growing up, I was expected to be "perfect"--I wasn't allow any flaws. Yikes I was an honors student all my school life, honor societies, dean's list, graduated college with honors..the works, but gee, if I came home with a less than top A marks my mom made me feel like a failure. I was expected to know everything, do everything. So yes, I did grow up a "perfectionist" and I feel there really isn't anything wrong with that as long as you aren't a pain in the assets with other people...LOL And I sure hope I'm not!
But here's the deal. I was made to feel, like heaven forbid I dare to be lazy or sick. I could be at death's door with some illness, but I was made to feel I still had to be active, doing things. My mother actually would have this "attitude" and look on her face like "How dare you be sick!" The kind of look that would stop a ship--yikes had she been on the Titanic she would have melted those ice bergs and it would never have sunk...LOL Anyway, so all my life I have never dared to be lazy or take time out for myself even when I'm sick or have an injury and as a result, do you know it's HARD for me to be lazy without feeling guilty..like, gee, I should and need to be doing something to be productive. It's like I always had to prove myself to my mother that I was "worthy" Stupid, huh?
Now my mother passed away last August, but do you know to this day, do you know it's STILL hard for me to take it easy, to have a chill out, lazy day, or to rest and recuperate if I'm sick? Now yes, I might have a day now where I do slow down just a tad if sick, but it's like I don't know HOW to be lazy
Maybe I'm being a tad reflective since I just celebrated another birthday or something. But does anyone else feel guilty about being lazy or having a real chill out day? Is anyone else "haunted" by how they were raised like I was? Please tell me it's not just me...
21 people like this
46 responses
@lilaclady (28207)
• Australia
20 Nov 07
I love this sort of day, I don't have them very often but sometimes I plan ahead to have one, one day that as far as everyone else is concerned I am just not home, just me and my cat, especially on a cold rainy day I love it and I feel not shame in giving myself one of these days, I love them...
5 people like this
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
20 Nov 07
Maybe that's what I should do...declare one day every so often just to have a lazy day cuddled up with my kitties..heck I could learn from them..they never feel guilty about being lazy..LOL
5 people like this
@zigzagbuddha (4601)
• United States
20 Nov 07
The only person in my family that could sit around and do nothing, and enjoy every minute of it without guilt was my father. That's why my mother divorced him in fact.
Both my sisters and my brother are pretty compulsive 'doers'... always gotta be doing something.
My mother finally rebelled against her upbringing, and is trying really hard to relax and do nothing... but she still feels guilty and tries to compensate for that by keeping all the doers in our family busy doing the stuff she feels guilty for not doing. I'm not one of them.
I have found a very nice balance in my life. I really enjoy sitting around doing nothing. And I really don't enjoy feeling guilty. It's a clear and easy choice. But to ensure that I'm not plagued by the demon guilt, I try to do a few things daily from the growing list of things to be done. And I do them first thing, that way I have the rest of the day for play.
And some days I don't even do that! Some days I stay in bed all day reading a book, padding into the kitchen for the occasional snack. I don't feel guilty because ultimately I give myself permission to do whatever I want. It's the only way to fly.
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
20 Nov 07
Your father sounds like my mother. Even though she was big on expecting me to do everything, she had no problem not doing a dang thing herself. I guess it might take me awhile to lose the "guilt" in being lazy and give myself permission to do so. My mom only passed away last year, but I lived with her from day one...long story why there...LOL.
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
20 Nov 07
Nope I don't even take off from work on Sundays..always busy, even on holidays
@webeishere (36313)
• United States
20 Nov 07
Since having my dad move in and having taken care of him I have not really had a lazy day. But when he was hospitalized and in the nursing home I got really lazy as opposed to prior to that. So I do not feel the least bit guilty having a lazy day or week. I actually look forward to having one. A lot. HAHAHA!!
HAPPY POSTINGS FROM GRANDPA BOB !!~
2 people like this
@ESKARENA1 (18261)
•
20 Nov 07
this ias what we should be like, no guilt, just relief
blessed be
1 person likes this
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
21 Nov 07
I was kind of in the same boat you are now with my mom. She was shall we say, uh difficult? In her last years of her life I was her caregiver. She refused any outside help, even a visiting nurse, so I was almost like her nurse. So like GEEZ, there was no room for being lazy
@3lilangels (4639)
• United States
20 Nov 07
well my friend i wish i had some of those lazy day, then i would beable to tell you if i feel guilty or not.with my 3 kids there is no such thing right now,some days i wish i could just sit all day and do nothing.pattie
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
20 Nov 07
I can only imagine what it must be like having 3 lil angels..LOL...Do you ever take some time out for yourself though??
@3lilangels (4639)
• United States
21 Nov 07
yes a few minutes here and there,and when they take their naps during the day then i do what i need to,even if it's only an hour.
@Kashmeresmycat (6369)
• United States
20 Nov 07
Sure it's your upbringing, Pye, Freudian or not. This is the way you were raised and it reflects on you your whole life. But, you can change. I did in many ways, whether it was the right way to someone or not, it's my way and I'm comfortable with it. That's all that counts. As long as you can sleep peacefully at night without regrets is what matters.
I have at about one lazy day in a month or two. We call it "lazy days" because we are inactive, non-productive, and that's the term we are all use to using. I call it "rest and relaxation" for the soul. This is something my body is telling me to do and I've learned not to fight it. I always feel better after my "lazy" day and I'm right back running around, going to work, cleaning (yuk, haha), visiting, doing whatever. But, that one day is mine and mine only. I do what I want, not what anyone told me I have to do, with no guilt whatsoever. It's for my mental and physical well being...my body tells me so. That's who you need to listen to.
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
20 Nov 07
It might take me awhile to allow myself to have a lazy day without the guilt. My mom only passed away last year, and I had lived with her all my life..a long story there as to why, then I got wrapped up being her caregiver the last few years of her life, and she was very strong against the idea of any outside help so I wound up being her "nurse" as well. So I was always under her watchful and criticizing eyes. Yeesh.
1 person likes this
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
21 Nov 07
Well I actually do, do crafts and I happen to sell them. I also draw and paint, though have to confess haven't in about a year. I had gotten into watercolors last year and did a series of "fairy" like paintings..I've drawn and painted ever since I was a kid. Here's just one of my paintings I did last year and I did it as a present to myself..mmm..maybe will get into it again...LOL
1 person likes this
@Kashmeresmycat (6369)
• United States
21 Nov 07
Aw, Pye, I'm so sorry you went through all that.
Most people don't know how to relax, and I think it will take you a while to acquire this, because of everything you have been through. It's the guilt you need to throw to the wind. Relaxing doesn't necessily mean to do nothing either. It could be just something that you like to do very much, but somehow never have the chance to do it. Do you know what I mean?....sort of like, writing a letter to a friend you haven't talked to in a long time, or calling that friend and talking forever without worrying or being in a hurry, crafting something for yourself that you'd like to have or someone else with no real reason behind it, no rush, just for fun.
Basically, it's getting away from your everyday work habits and doing something that just pleases you for the day. It's hard to explain what I'm talking about, haha, and I just laugh at myself trying to get this down in words. All in all, the guilt has got to go, you're too sweet of a lady to let it get you down, but it does take some practice.
1 person likes this
@highflyingxangel (9225)
• United States
1 Dec 07
I like having lazy days. I don't see why people feel so guilty about it or can't relax. I wish more people could, and I think that realizing that it's ok to take a break every once in awhile and let people fend for themselves is beneficial in the long run. I mean, people want others to take a break when they're sick or have a lot of other issues going on, but they can't do it themselves. I take a lot of lazy days, but I do work hard and I feel I deserve it. I only feel guilty when I have a bunch of things to do but I just don't feel like doing them, even though I need to do it.
2 people like this
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
1 Dec 07
I guess my problem though too, is that I always have so much to do each day, so reason why in many ways I just can't have a lazy day :(
1 person likes this
@recycledgoth (9894)
•
20 Nov 07
Like you I was brought up to fit into a preordained niche and when I finally rebelled I was treated as a pariah by my family. Strangely enough, even after all these years, I still feel upset about that although I know I shouldn't. Treating myself to a lazy day, to me, means being able to do what I please, watch a little tv or read a book in peace, not have to rush around trying to get everything done at once. I still get the odd twinge of guilt when I treat myself to a lazy day but we are only human and deserve some respite now and again
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
20 Nov 07
I guess it's been harder for me since I lived with my mother (and grandmother) all my life, and my mom only passed away last year. I also got caught up being my mom's caregiver the last few years of her life, which was no picnic.
@saigonwarrior (1331)
• United States
20 Nov 07
No, I never have a PJ day. Being ill was not an option growing up. You still got up and went to school sick or not. No laying in bed at our home.
I think it was just our parents generation. Everyone worked hard, it seemed to be an ethical thing about working hard back when. I don't see anything wrong with it, really. Unless it was carried too far.
As soon as I am up and finished with my personal hygiene, I am working. I normally drink my first cup of coffee standing up..lol
If I sat around all day, I would probably feel terrible. I NEED to move..lol.
And yes, I would feel like I have wasted the day. So, I don't know. I do know some people that can sit for hours and watch tv and not feel a bit guilty about it.
I guess it does depend on how you were raised and what you were made to feel guilty about.
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
20 Nov 07
Argh..I could never just sit for hours and watch TV all day..I'm like you, need to move my buns around..LOL. Maybe all that nervous energy from anxiety? No actually my mother wasn't a hard worker, that was it. My grandmother yes, mom no and a lot had to do with my mom having been raised like a Prima Donna pampered princess..in other words a real spoiled brat.
@Aurone (4755)
• United States
25 Nov 07
I am having one of those lazy/sick days. I caught a cold or something and I still feel bad today so I am taking it easy, watching tv. But I keep thinking about all the things I should be doing, especially since I have been gone for several days.
2 people like this
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
26 Nov 07
Aww..I'm sorry to hear you're not feeling too keen. I think that's why even when I'm sick I try to keep busy since then I feel so darn guilty of all the things I should be doing...but I too tend to slow down when I'm sick if even only a bit...and it drives me daft! LOL Well..have a lot of chicken soup...the cure all for everything..heheee
1 person likes this
@lucky_witch (2707)
• Philippines
20 Nov 07
Well, my mother is a perfectionist too. Like you, I grew up with lots of expectation by people around me. Though my mom had her own way, my dad keep the balance. She will let me recite what i would see on my report card... of course, I will mention my name and my grades... Suddenly i will hear applause from my family. She raised me, explaining to me taht whatever I do "its my name, that will appear" not theirs. So if I achieve something... though they are proud of me, it will always me who will have the benefit. And my dad will give me a day of play.
So, I grew up making myself proud and balance at the same time. A true perfectionist should know the balance in everything. Just like in school, you cant be a valedictorian if you fail just one subject... even if its a simple Physical or Values Education. Even in school, we have break time... even a few hours a day... where we can eat and play with our classmates.
You can make it an excuse now. You have to take time to have a break... after a month or years of working... a day of rest wont be bad. You dont have to feel guilty if you have take a break. Having break a doesn't mean being irresponsible, its just simply having a break... after all, it doesn't mean that you will stop working.
I bet that the best business man also spend vacation with himself or his family... so why can't you?
@BarBaraPrz (47114)
• St. Catharines, Ontario
20 Nov 07
Take a lesson from your cats...
2 people like this
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
20 Nov 07
I should...LOL. The two of them are sleeping the day away
@peanutjar (5198)
• Canada
24 Nov 07
Hi pyewacket!:):)
Im the same,i cannot rest even if i wanted/my body told me too or even if i was soo sick,i just have the urge to do something,anything as long as im doing something.I have a hard time to sit down for a minute.My grand-parents were very hard workers in their life.my grand-father logged and my gram went to their camp and make meals for the workers,then go back home(5 minutes away)and clean and cook,then go to her job as a cook in a restaurant.My grand-father worked a tiny bit in the woods,took care of his men and worked for a mill as a night gaurd.They never stopped working even before their passing aways.My gram(she was almost 70)stayed with a elderly couple and took care of them on the weekends.My grand-father did some carpentry aslo as a side job for something to do and picked strawberrys in the summer for his brother,he was 79 years old and the local television staion CBC news came there one day to see him and he was on t.v and in the paper.I have the paper too with his picture.So this is why i just cannot sit down and relax,hahaha!Sorry so long:(:(But i do wish alot that i could just sit down/lay for the whole day and not do anything,it would be great!
Peanutjar:)
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
25 Nov 07
Wow...your grandfolks sound terrific ..to be that active in their 70s. I know a woman now who is 75 and she's always on the go, and I'm thinking to myself, wow, I hope I'm that active when I'm 75! Probably will..hehe
@polachicago (18716)
• United States
21 Nov 07
I grew up like you, feeling that I have to be perfect. My parents always wanted me to be the best. And I was the best. Best in school, best in sport...perfect me.
But perfect I was in strike so many times when in school.
I didn't have my own room, so relaxing was hard to achieved.
So I learned to be sick and stay home to have day off.
Now I am making my quiet days of strike and I am doing what I want, reading books, calling friends and meditating. It is giving me so much energy to finish many projects including art and photography.
@polachicago (18716)
• United States
21 Nov 07
With your mother?
We get only 2 rooms total (living and one bedroom), multiple and mixed usage, so I shared it with whole family....(of 4)
1 person likes this
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
21 Nov 07
Yup with mom...Sounds like you grew up in a BIG house yourself...LOL..NOT
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
21 Nov 07
I didn't have my own room either..gee, guess who I shared the room with...just guess..LOL
@GnosticGoddess (5626)
• United States
22 Nov 07
Luckily when I was a kid we could be sick and take it easy. That must have been tough on you! Because I hate doing anything when I'm sick.
I do feel guilty about have my lazy days. But I do take them on occasion. Though I sometimes feel guilty about watching TV with my hubby when the house needs cleaning too...but he wants me at his side. That's why it sucks with working. My house always suffers. There just never seems to be enough time in the day for everything - including my much needed "me" time because I'm a loner - and I get so stressed much of the time.
So I know exactly what you mean...plus I am the type of person who can hardly sit still for a long period of time. And my mind is constantly racing...that's why I love reading for a bit before I go to sleep at night. There will be times when I'm watching a movie and doing a couple other things too - like playing online, sewing, or just anything as long as I'm moving LOL.
1 person likes this
@GnosticGoddess (5626)
• United States
24 Nov 07
LMAO!!! I have a hard time reading too with my kitties!! Particularly Leo! Drives me crazy when I'm lounging on the couch or the occasional time they're allowed in the bedroom with me (hubby is mildly allergic so we try to keep them out of the bedroom).
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
24 Nov 07
I guess the two of us have "nervous" energy..LOL. I like to move a lot too. That's one thing I can't do though. Have the TV on and do something else. I don't watch much TV anyway, but usually put on one of my movies, so I like to watch it and not do anything else. I do that too, like to read before I go to sleep that is, if my one kitty allows me to. He must think reading is boring and wants my attention instead so often sits on my book..hhehee
1 person likes this
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
24 Nov 07
I have no guilt whatsoever.In fact , Thanksgiving Day all I did was play video games and watch football and movies.My mom was the opposite of yours. As long as I did my best, she was proud.But I am a perfectionist with things I know I can do or will be able to do in time.My mom told me that going to school was my job and all I had to do is go and try and she would be proud.I remember a time where I was sick with a cold and I was getting ready to go to school and she took one look at me and said go back to bed you are not going to school when you feel this bad.So I do work hard at things I can really do but I can do nothing and not feel guilty.Maybe you can retrain yourself step by step. First take one hour out of your day and just read a book. Then the next week take two hours , and so on until you are able to take a full day and do what you want to do.But for now try one hour.
1 person likes this
@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
25 Nov 07
Well, I am not your mom but I am proud of you. Take Care.
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
25 Nov 07
I get a sense your mother told you she was proud, no? That was one thing my mother never did, so I never knew if she was proud of me or not. I'll keep that in mind about taking off a little at a time to build up to a full day of doing nothing much..hehehe
1 person likes this
@8ctavarium (552)
• Australia
20 Nov 07
Might be a different for me, but I have exams coming up and when I sit back and rest for while during my breaks, I feel guilty no matter what. I feel that I need to be studying all day, even though I am sick of it. But regardless yes, I feel guilty all the time for having fun rather than studying, or making good use of my spare time.
2 people like this
@CatsandDogs (13963)
• United States
20 Nov 07
Yeeeesss I do feel guilty when I have a lazy day that I actually don't have a lazy day. I was brought up the same way as you, always find something to do somewhere doing something. I was never allowed to cut school unless I had a fever. One time I had scarlet fever in which the fever doesn't show up till several hours later but gosh I was so sick but my mom wouldn't pick me up from school because I didn't have a fever. Boy I sure did later on that night! It spiked up to 104!! She knew then I was sick and sick as a dog!! She had to call the doctor and meet him at the clinic so he could see me. So yeah I have guilty feelings when I have a lazy day or so called lazy day.
1 person likes this
@pyewacket (43903)
• United States
21 Nov 07
Maybe we should collaborate and write our "mommie dearest" stories..LOL. Oh, how I bet you wanted to say to your mom.."See? I WAS sick."LOL
1 person likes this
@CatsandDogs (13963)
• United States
21 Nov 07
LOL You bet I did but knowing her I knew better than to say anything like that or I'd get my head knocked off my shoulders. She felt pretty bad for not believing me though and that's enough at that time. But yeah I could tell some stories about her but I won't just yet, not while she's alive. Not that I want to quicken her date per sa but don't want to because she's still around.
You know what's worse about being so sick like that? It's being on your period at the time and only 15 years old and having to pull my pants down for a shot in the @ss!! Oh I couldn't be more humiliated!! But believe it or not, I was!! Mom says in front of the doctor that I'm embarrassed because I was on my period!! I wished then that the floor would open up and swallow me in!! LOL (Thanks Mom!!)
1 person likes this
