Forgive and Forget
By worldwise1
@worldwise1 (14885)
United States
November 20, 2007 12:45pm CST
We all know that when someone wrongs us we are supposed to forgive and forget, right? Why is it then that people often will say, "I'll forgive but I won't forget?" Doesn't that mean that they really are not forgiving at all? That is what I think. Have you ever made that statement? What did it mean to you?
7 people like this
24 responses
@carmelanirel (20942)
• United States
20 Nov 07
Not really, it could mean that they will be careful next time to not allow whatever you did to happen again.
Take the holocaust for example. Corrie Ten Boom had forgiven the guard, but she didn't forget. Jesus says to forgive, but only G♥d can forget. And we shouldn't forget what happened either, for to forget, we could fall into that trap again..
does that make sense?
2 people like this
@worldwise1 (14885)
• United States
21 Nov 07
And you don't feel that the forgiveness is incomplete if you don't forget, carmelanirel?
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@carmelanirel (20942)
• United States
21 Nov 07
A little scenario here. A friend steals something valuable. Now I will forgive her, because that is the right thing to do.
But, if I were to go on vacation, would I allow this same friend to house sit for me? Though I have forgiven her, it would be foolish for me to allow her free reign in my home to steal again.
G♥d says to forgive man, but don't trust them. For man will always let you down, but we should still love and forgive man for no man is free from doing wrong, everyone does wrong whether it is as small as a little white lie or as big as murder, we all fail..
2 people like this
@swirlz (3136)
• Philippines
21 Nov 07
For me, there's nothing wrong with saying it. Because what had happened is nothing light. It is not easy to forget something like that even though you have already forgiven the person who wronged you. Also because, with that experience is a lesson that one mustn't forget. If I have forgotten about it, and then it happened to me again, then I won't be able to forgive myself.
@worldwise1 (14885)
• United States
21 Nov 07
I think it's a slippery slope, swirlz. Maybe we all need to study on what true forgiveness really means. Happy Thanksgiving!
1 person likes this
@worldwise1 (14885)
• United States
21 Nov 07
You're right, sigma, because if we don't forget, the problem will just keep festering under the surface.
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@pismeof (855)
• United States
20 Nov 07
I have mixed feelings about this one Worldwise,On the one hand this person is saying that they forgive you let's say for a past discretion which is fine,But on the other hand by saying they won't forget ..it's kind of like a grudge or warning
that they'll be looking for more trouble and not really letting by-gones be by-gones.
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@worldwise1 (14885)
• United States
21 Nov 07
I think you get my drift, pismeof. If we are to be forgiven, we must learn to forgive with all our hearts.
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@enigmatic7 (132)
• Saudi Arabia
20 Nov 07
hi ..i am tempted to answer your question with another saying ..once bitten twice shy..so although you may forgive some one of a past misdeed.., you will be wary of them in the future so as not to get hurt again. We are all after all supposed to learn form our mistakes..thats is what experience is all about ...it doesn't have to make us bitter..if we dint forgive we would be bitter ..but its okay to remember certain people's actions against you ..for your own good. Don't carry a grudge..but dont pretend something never happened when making a decision..you don't have to be mean or callous or patronising to anyone but just remember the lessons life taught you if you dont want to relearn them the hard way.
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@worldwise1 (14885)
• United States
21 Nov 07
Somehow, enigmatic, I don't think that would qualify as true forgiveness. Happy Thanksgiving!
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@kriszelunka (557)
• Australia
21 Nov 07
Personally, as yet, I've never said "I'll forgive but not forget".
I don't necessarily think it means you haven't forgiven if you say it though. I think that it means you're not going to hold a grudge, you're going to move on from the problem, but that the other person has lost some of your trust and respect, and that they need to work in order to get that back.
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@worldwise1 (14885)
• United States
21 Nov 07
That sounds pretty reasonable, kriszelunka, but it still sounds conditional. Happy Thanksgiving!
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@imadriscoll (2228)
• United States
21 Nov 07
I don't remember ever saying this ... but I believe that when we are wronged that we are given the option to forgive or become bitter and angry. Forgiveness frees us to move on with our lives, to not carry the hurt and the pain any longer. We may never actually forget, but we can choose to remember that wrong no more. In other words, when our mind lands on how we've been hurt or wronged we push it out of our mind. We choose not to dwell in that place. Dwelling in that place brings us back to being captive to bitterness and anger- which essentially just harms us.
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@worldwise1 (14885)
• United States
25 Nov 07
Exactly, imadriscoll! It is that ability to move forward with our lives that proves we have the ability to truly forgive and forget.
@vikceo (1301)
• India
21 Nov 07
yup it is common sentence used and it really mean that you some how have forgiven either proving yourself good or under some budy pressure but i know one thing forgiving and then forgetting is not an esy job. it needs lots of patience and self control because it is human psychology that tells that if some body did wrong to you, you will not feel comfortable till u will not take revenge if it is in your hand
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@sarahruthbeth22 (43143)
• United States
22 Nov 07
I am one of those people that will never forget but I can forgive.which means that either time or the proper revenge has happen so now I can forgive.But I have a long memory so I won't forget.So if the same event came up, I would make sure whatever happened doesn't happen again.
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@Aurone (4755)
• United States
25 Nov 07
I have made that statement. To me it means, that I really have forgiven, but I will remember what you have done so that you do not have the opportunity to do me wrong again. Like the saying says wrong me once shame on you, wrong me twice shame on me.
1 person likes this
@shakeroo (3986)
• Malaysia
21 Nov 07
That is very human. It is easy for us to forgive others when they apologized to us but how easy it is for us to forget about why they need to apologize to us in the first place. It would not be easy just to erase something from our memory unless we are just like a computer. LOL!
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@worldwise1 (14885)
• United States
25 Nov 07
You are so right, shakeroo, and I think it shows how big our hearts are when we can forget whatever indiscretion occurred between ourselves and the other person.
@aceballos (99)
• United States
21 Nov 07
I that forgiving but not forgetting is more common then forgiving and forgetting. I will give you an example. I have been with my husband since I was 16 and he was 14. When we were in our early 20's he cheated on me. I was not willing to give up on us so we went to counseling and he never done it since. I forgave him but I can't forget what he did to me or how it made me feel. Most of the time I never even think about it but in certain situations it can come to mind.
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@worldwise1 (14885)
• United States
25 Nov 07
Then, aceballos, maybe you never really forgave him. You might need to reexamine your feelings.
@miracleworld (201)
• India
21 Nov 07
many people do find it very hard to forget, most of the people firgives but some dont ...anyway people should forgive and forget ...
Regards
Harry
1 person likes this
@worldwise1 (14885)
• United States
25 Nov 07
I agree, miracleworld. It is the only way that we can move forward with our lives.
@bbsr13 (4196)
• India
25 Nov 07
hello! some body hurt your sentiment,physically or mentally, does not matter. u just forgive and forget,matter ens there.without forgetting the issue if u wait for the time to come to take revenge you will be under stress.suppose you got the oppertunity and do some wrong to him.can he leave you.he also wait for the time ,and the process will never end. there by,neither u nor other fellow get peace. so it is wise to forgive and forget and be happy.of course, forgetting an episode is difficult.but there is no other way left.can you raise any dispute with me because i did not support you?forgive me if it hurt u any way.thank u and have a good day.
@varunkrishna007 (1909)
• India
5 Feb 08
I think certain wounds would never heal in life.ofcourse we might forget those who has done it because after some time we might take itas a fate and forgive them.But those memories always remain fresh and at times keep hurting us.I dont think what exactly must be the reason.
@SViswan (12051)
• India
21 Nov 07
I have said that myself and that doesn't mean that I don't forgive. It means that I've had closure with that particular incident. It also means that I am giving the person another chance and that they better not make me lose my trust in them again. I usually forgive and 'forget' till the same person does the SAME mistake again and then I remember the old mistake again.
I've been hurt many times before (after trusting people again and again) and I don't want it to happen again. So, for me it means that the friend has to earn back the trust I had in them.
1 person likes this
@stanzi2007 (602)
• United States
21 Nov 07
dear worldwise, when i have made such a statement, what i mean is that i will fogive your indiscretion, but i won't forget how it hurt me...so in the furture i will not be so vulnerable around you....stanzi
@worldwise1 (14885)
• United States
25 Nov 07
I don't see things as being all black or all white, stanzi, in spite of what you think. In the example of the tiger, an animal cannot be held responsible for its act, therefore, no forgiveness is necessary. In literal terms, to "forget" means simply to not revisit the hurt every time you are in the person's presence or the person comes to mind.
@stanzi2007 (602)
• United States
21 Nov 07
dear worldwise, i have gone back and read some of your responses to what people had to say...it almost appears that you see things as being very stark...that is to say it's all or nothing...black or white...life doesn't work that way...there are shades of gray, inbetween. for example, if you go into a jungle, and a tiger bit you, but you survived, you might forgive the tiger, later when you recover...but you will NOT FORGET...all that means is YES you FORGAVE, but you won't put yourself in a positon to get bit and hurt AGAIN...you will NOT FORGET. in these circumstances you are saying that it has to be a total forgiveness or it is not forgiveness at all, but that is not correct. we are human beings and as people, we learn from our mistakes, and yes, we can forgive, but if we continue to forget, we will continue to make the SAME mistakes over and over...stanzi
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@diane52 (33)
• Jamaica
21 Nov 07
It's very hard to forgive someone when they wrong us and it's hard to forget but when u put your trust in God He will come true for u, He will deal with that person in His time and how He wants to, I have seen His work so I know, it's just that we have to forgive the people who wrong us and leave everything else up to God, trust me He will come true for u. "It's VERY hard to forgive, but we have to, if we don't then the Lord won't forgive us"
"HAVE A BLESSED DAY"
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@pengjie825 (23)
• China
21 Nov 07
Never forget it,my first love!I have already forgive him.Since I have loved,I will never forget.It's so beautiful of everybody's first love.I'll put the lovely memory at the deepest part of my heart.
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