Do marriage vows really mean anything anymore?
By PrettyViolet
@PrettyViolet (86)
United States
November 21, 2007 1:01pm CST
I don't believe marriage vows mean as much to anyone as they used to. Don't get me wrong, I take mine seriously, and have been true to my husband in all ways for the twelve years we've been married.
I just mean that I don't think they mean anything to people when they say them. You know, "love" "honor" "cherish" and "til death do us part." Doesn't mean much nowadays with our divorce courts full of couples who can't stand each other any more.
The "til death do us part" part of the vows, now, that DOES take on meaning when a couple becomes parents. Here is a child, part of both people. If you want what is best for this child, then you always want to include the "other half" of him or her in his or her life. Right?
My ex-husband died four years ago. I shared three children with him. The full force of our broken marriage vows hit me then, and haunt me still. My children no longer have their father, and even though we weren't married anymore, I miss him too.
I wish young couples much luck and love on the adventure that marriage is. Think about your marriage vows before you make them.
6 people like this
10 responses
@cher913 (25782)
• Canada
21 Nov 07
nope i dont think they do. i know that it is much easier to get out of a marriage than ever before and i actually know 1 guy that is having an affair with someone he works with while his wife homeschools their kids! (no its not me that he is having the affair with)
i have been married for 20 years and while it always hasnt been easy its been good.
3 people like this
@PrettyViolet (86)
• United States
21 Nov 07
Thank-you for the response. I too know people who cheat on their spouses, fortunately not people I am very close to, nor am I close to their spouses. That would put me in a bad situation, to tell or not to tell, so to speak.
Congratulations on your 20 years, and here's to many more!
@chemicalh2 (627)
• Philippines
21 Nov 07
Living in a "no divorce law" and roman catholic religion... vows are not taken for granted.
we value our family even we are financially not stable... but we are happy.
GO FILIPINOS!
2 people like this
@wisedragon (2325)
• Philippines
21 Nov 07
Nowadays I'm seeing so many separations and annulments here in the Philippines. I have also heard lots of illicits affairs going on especially in call centers. It's sad, so many kids growing up with only one-half of "parents".
@academic2 (7000)
• Uganda
22 Nov 07
If you can work on your marriage and cease to take it for granted, then you can be sure the meaning of marriage vows will always shine aound you. But many couples dont have time for the marriage commitment, they find pleasure in other things at the expense of quality time with their patners and that waters down relationships in marriage. A man goes to office and returns at midnight claiming he had a long "board meeting" and just sleeps claiming he is too tired. When this becomes a pattern, then marriage loses its salt and the parties concerned begin to question why they ever made their marriage vows.
@PrettyViolet (86)
• United States
22 Nov 07
You are very right, academic2, and there are plenty of other reasons a marriage can "lose its salt," as you put it. It's the every day things that matter the most, knowing what this person needs and giving of yourself when you can that counts the most. Quality time, and love, and trust, and respect for each other. If you can no longer remember why you made those vows, it's time to sit down and work on things. It's not easy to grow together, rather than apart, but it's possible, I know it is. My parents have been married for nearly 40 years (this February) and so I know it is possible.
Thank-you for your response, and have a wonderful night!
@pendragon (3348)
• United States
22 Nov 07
They mean a lot to me, what is life worth if you can't share it withh soemone devoted to you and you to them? I've been alone and it was alright, I've been with people I didn't love and people who didn't love me, it was garbage... I finally got it right and wouldnt give it up for the world.
1 person likes this
@pendragon (3348)
• United States
22 Nov 07
I think divorce has become all too convenient an option in this throw away society.Thank you, have a good night as well.
@PrettyViolet (86)
• United States
22 Nov 07
They mean a lot to me as well, pendragon. My point was why are there so many people getting married and then quickly getting divorced these days? I, too, have been alone, and my first marriage ended badly when he found someone else he wanted to be with; I had no choice in the matter, he was gone and wouldn't come back.
I think I have it right this time. There are issues, but then that would be the case with everyone, wouldn't it? We all have our baggage we bring along with us into a relationship, and it's up to us to work it out. Not quit.
Thanks for replying to my post, and have a wonderful night!
1 person likes this
@wisedragon (2325)
• Philippines
21 Nov 07
Hey great post! I agree there are more and more failed marriages nowadays. Is this a showbiz influence, where it's fashionable to be divorced? Marriage vows have become meaningless recitals.
@PrettyViolet (86)
• United States
22 Nov 07
Thank you for saying it's a great post.
I'm not sure how much showbiz has to do with it. I think it's more what the children see their parents doing, more and more parents are divorcing over and over again, and there's just not much respect for the things we promise when we make those vows.
I have said time and again that the cost of getting married and the cost of getting divorced should be reversed...it should cost a couple thousand dollars to get married, at least...make those young couples (and some not so young) have to save up and think about this before they do it. What do you think?
@violeta_va (4831)
• Australia
22 Nov 07
To me they do. When I said I do I ment it. But to lots of people is "I do but..". Its like yeah I do untill I get bored of you, or untill we have our first financial problem, or untill someone new comes in our life. It is sad to see so many people divorce the minute the honeymoon is over. It is an easy option for some.
When I got married I chose not to look at other man the way I did before if I wanted more man I would not have married my husband its as easy as that. If I wanted money I would have found someone new.
1 person likes this
@PrettyViolet (86)
• United States
22 Nov 07
I meant it both times I said it, but evidently the first husband did not, or like you said, "I do, but..."
I might look at another man, not really lustfully, but just admiringly. But, I look at it like this---I have enough problems with the one man I have, why would I just add to that with another one??!! LOL Seriously, I haven't even seen one that I admire more than the one I'm already married to, and that's what counts the most. Admiration, respect, trust, love....and marriage vows.
Thanks for replying to my post! Have a lovely evening!
@Mamaof2 (574)
• Canada
22 Nov 07
Unfortunatley, I do not think that marriage vows are taken as seriously as they once were. It is very sad as I believe that marriage is a very serious commitment and that you do everything you possible can to make it work. Cheating and so forth is not acceptable as far as I am concerned. If that is the kind of life one wants to live..then do not get married. Unfortunatley a lot of younger couples I know treat a marriage as if they were still dating. I am not completly sure they understand the seriousness of it. They run around, do not respect their other...I even had a friend that married a man from the USA and ended up breaking up their marriage and sent him home not even 6 months after. 6 months I do not believe if long enough to see if they could work it out and I always new she was never serious about it. I just do not understand!!!
1 person likes this
@danishcanadian (28955)
• Canada
24 Mar 08
It's not that people don't take their vows seriously, it's that serious people don't get married as often anymore. People who seem not to take their vows seriously, have a hard time taking other things seriously.
There are also people who think they are saying something, who mean to say one thing, but end up saying something else, because it's tradition.
Before getting married, my husband and I thought long and hard about what it meant to us, thus eliminating such things like "OBEY, and SUBMIT" things that we don't believe in. We wanted to make 100% sure that our vows were our beliefs, before we got married.
@lancingboy (1385)
• United States
22 Nov 07
I don't think marriage has any big significance anymore these days. Not when you have yahoos like Britney Spears getting married and then divorcing the next day.
The whole protection of marriage thing the government is trying to pass is a joke too. They don't want homosexuals to marry because it would crumble society? Don't make me laugh! Straight couples are doing that already with all the divorces and child custody/support battles going on everyday!
1 person likes this
